


An Angel Among Us

by haleymichelle15



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2017-12-21 06:12:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 58,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/896791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haleymichelle15/pseuds/haleymichelle15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am well aware that Steven Moffat and Sue Vertue do not have a daughter. I'm also aware that Benedict and Olivia broke up in 2012, not 2009 but that's what makes it fiction! This is all based on a dream I had. I hope you enjoy and please feel free to leave comments, suggestions, or anything else. Thank you for reading and enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am well aware that Steven Moffat and Sue Vertue do not have a daughter. I'm also aware that Benedict and Olivia broke up in 2012, not 2009 but that's what makes it fiction! This is all based on a dream I had. I hope you enjoy and please feel free to leave comments, suggestions, or anything else. Thank you for reading and enjoy!

It was May 2009 when I first met him. I had heard his name thrown around in my group of friends but I didn’t think much of it. You never know when you’ve met your soul mate until it’s already happened. This is the story of how I met mine.

 

It was a warm Friday night, warmer than normal for this time of the year, but not as warm as I was feeling as I downed my second rum and coke. I was at a small pub on the outskirts of London with some friends and the boy who had my heart at the time, Henry. My friend Adam plopped down beside me and I could tell he was well on his way to drunken happiness.

“Sadie! Do you knoooooow who’s coming tonight?”

“Not a clue.”

“Only my very best friend in the whole wide world!”

I stared at him blankly. His speech was slurred and it took me a moment to really understand what he was saying.

“Benedict fucking Cumberbatch,” he said.

I smiled, trying to show as much enthusiasm as I could. I knew who he was. He was cast as Sherlock Holmes in the new show my parents were working on. I'd never actually met him but I frequently heard of my parents running off to meetings and rehearsals with him. I guess I should've been excited, but in reality, I couldn't care less and all I wanted to do was go home, kick off the heels that had long ago made my feet numb, and pass out.

I started to turn my attention back to my boyfriend when I saw him walk in. **_Damn._** That’s the only word anyone can ever say the first time they see him. He was tall with pale skin and the most gorgeous eyes you could ever dream of. They were made up of the most stunning shades of blue and green with brown flecks sprinkled over. His smile was absolutely heartwarming. His cheekbones were so sharp, you’d swear he could hurt someone with them. I didn't notice right away but on his arm was a short, slightly curvy blonde.

“Ben! It’s so good to see you, mate! Come here, I want to introduce you to Sadie. You’ll love her. She’s basically the girl version of you.”

He held out his hand to me and I took it, praying to God he couldn’t tell that my palms suddenly got very sweaty. What the hell was going on? There was no excuse for me to be getting flustered over someone else. I was dating someone for God’s sake. And apparently, so was he.

“This is Ben’s girlfriend, Olivia.”

“It’s so wonderful to meet you both!”

I pulled Henry over and introduced him to both of them out of politeness before excusing myself to the bar.

After returning to the booth with another rum and coke, I did my best not to look at him because I knew if I looked, I would never be able to tear my eyes away.

An hour had passed and by this point, everyone was more than buzzed. I finally allowed myself to glance over at where he was sitting only to find him gone. A split second later I heard someone drop down into the empty seat next to me. I turned and immediately locked eyes with him. He smiled at me kindly. I gripped the table, trying think of anything to distract me from the eyes. Oh dear God and that smile.

“Adam is telling Olivia some god-awful embarrassing story about me so I figured I would slip away before I was forced to explain myself.”

“Ah, I see. What makes this story so embarrassing?”

“Lots of tequila, a poncho, and a flashlight.”

“Sounds like quite the story. An epic one, in fact.”

He chuckled softly. “Sadie, right?” I nodded. “I've always loved that name. So, Sadie, tell me about yourself.”

I suddenly got very nervous. I hated questions like these.

“Well, I was born in Doncaster but I live in London now. My parents divorced when I was ten and I haven’t seen my father since. My mom remarried when I was seventeen and my step father adopted me. I now have two little brothers who drive me absolutely bonkers but I love them anyways.” He chuckled. “I went to Cambridge to get my undergraduate degree in education and I got my doctorate about a year ago from Oxford in psychology.”

He looked at me in absolute amazement.

“Wow! So, you’re technically Dr. Sadie…”

“Moffat,” I finished for him.

His eyes widened and his jaw immediately dropped to the floor.

“Wait…you’re not…Steven Moffat’s daughter…are you?”

I smiled at him. It always tickled me when people realized who my parents were. “I’m afraid so,” I replied.

He ran his hand through his ginger curls.

“Holy shit.” He winced slightly as he said, “You're mum and dad talk about you all the time! I was wondering when I was going to be able to put a face with the name.”

I giggled and said, “Ah well then I guess the mystery is solved!”

The rest of the evening went by in a total blur. We sat there for another forty-five minutes talking about everything from books to movies and how much I loved my job. Before I knew it, it was after midnight and I locked eyes with Henry as he mouthed that he was ready to go.

“Well Mr. Cumberbatch, it was so lovely talking to you but I’m afraid I must be going.”

I could’ve sworn I had seen a look of disappointment flash across his face but I shook it off, thinking it was probably the drinks I’d had earlier.

“Would it be possible for me to get your number before you leave? Maybe we could get coffee.”

My head shot up and my mouth began to spit out a protest but before I could even begin he quickly added, “As friends, obviously.”

I smiled and internally kicked myself for jumping to conclusions. We switched phones and I typed my number in furiously, afraid that Henry would see and get angry.

I slipped my phone back in my pocket while simultaneously staring and trying to absorb as many details as I could about his gorgeous face. _Wait, what the fuck am I doing? My boyfriend is ten feet away. Get it together, Moffat._

“Have a nice night, Ben.”

“You too, Ms. Moffat”

I smiled shyly and headed for the door.

 

Benedict’s POV  
“I don’t understand why we even have to go out. I feel like that’s all we do. I never see you anymore and as soon as you get home, you want to go out with your friends instead of spending time with me.”

I rolled my eyes and did my best to pretend like I was searching for a parking space. In reality, I’d already passed three. All Olivia and I did these days was argue. We both loved to find things to complain about when it came to the other person. I loved her so much, we’d been together for nine years after all, but damn. Sometimes I felt like she still didn’t know me at all. Or know when to give up on an argument.

“Liv, we’re already here so why don’t we just stop arguing over this? Please? I promise I will spend the rest of my time off with you but I made a promise to Adam. Now can we please go in there and try to have a good time?”

She sighed loudly and nodded her head.

I loved Olivia, I really did, but lately I was starting to feel like things were changing in a way we weren’t prepared for. I was working a lot more lately and I knew it was hard for her to adjust to the fact that I was never home. Having been together so long, people never failed to ask when we were going to get married or when we were going to start a family. I always laughed politely and said when the time was right but I was beginning to think that maybe there was never going to be a right time.

We walked into the crowded pub and I was immediately smacked in the face with the smell of alcohol, smoke, and drunken lust. Then I heard his booming voice. The one that indicated that he had already had more than a few.

“Ben! It’s so good to see you, mate! Come here, I want to introduce you to Sadie. You’ll love her. She’s basically the girl version of you.”

The girl that stood in front of me had to be the most beautiful thing to ever walk the planet. She was relatively short with long brown hair and her green eyes were enough to take my breath away. She was thin but she had curves in all the right places. Her smile was oddly calming but contagious. I offered her my hand as I did my very best to form a coherent sentence.

“And this is Ben’s girlfriend, Olivia.” Olivia let go of my arm and shook her hand. I knew that look on her face. We’d had plenty of arguments about it. It was her “Back off, he’s mine” face. Sadie was pulled a man towards her as she introduced him as Henry, her boyfriend. He was on the shorter side with sandy blonde curls and a kind smile. He made small talk for a few minutes before turning back to the conversation he was involved in earlier.

A little later I found myself sandwiched between Adam and Olivia as he began telling her the embarrassing story of the time I got shit-faced in Mexico and walked around all of Cabo San Lucas in nothing but a poncho while holding up a flashlight under my chin like I was telling a scary story. Lets just say it wasn’t one of my finer moments.

I looked down to the other end of the table to find Sadie (at least I think that was her name) looking partially interested in a conversation between her and a girl whose name was Zooey.

Oh, what the hell. I swallowed some more liquid courage and headed to the empty seat on the other end of the table.

She whipped her head and looked at me with an astonished expression on her face.

I smiled at her in hope of easing the awkwardness.

“Adam is telling Olivia some god-awful embarrassing story about me so I figured I would slip away before I was forced to explain myself.”

“Ah, I see. What makes this story so embarrassing?”

“Lots of tequila, a poncho, and a flashlight.”

“Sounds like quite the story. An epic one, in fact.”

I couldn't help but laugh. “Sadie, right?” She nodded. “I've always loved that name. So, Sadie, tell me about yourself.”

We sat there for what felt like forever but simultaneously only five minutes talking about anything and everything. I thought I was going to pass out when she told me who were parents were. I can't believe I didn't recognize the name earlier. Sue and Steven talk about her all the time and she's a bloody carbon copy of her mum.

I found myself getting lost in those gorgeous green eyes but on the off chance I wasn't, I was staring at her plump lips and wondering what it would be like to kiss them.

_Shit! What the hell am I doing? We're both completely unavailable and even if we weren't, she's my bosses' daughter. There is no way in hell this was ever going to happen._

Before I knew it, she was gathering her things and telling me goodbye. I don’t know what came over me but I knew I couldn't let this be the last time I saw her.

I swallowed before saying, “Would it be possible for me to get your number before you leave? Maybe we could get coffee.”

I saw her eyes widen in shock and I scrambled to correct what must've looked like a come on. If I was being completely honest with myself, it kind of was but I didn’t want her to think I was _that_ guy. I didn't want to be that guy. I was in a relationship with someone I loved very much and she seemed to be as well. This was solely based on friendship...wasn't it?

We exchanged numbers and she walked out of the pub just as gracefully as she walked into my life.

I didn’t know when exactly I would see her again but I knew one thing: I couldn't wait to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all of you for reading the first chapter! It really means so much to me. I'm going to do my best to post a new chapter Mondays-Fridays so keep checking back for more!  
> As always, please feel free to leave comments, questions, or suggestions.  
> Thanks so much and enjoy :)

I started to feel guilty about whatever the happened between Benedict and I before I even left the parking lot. What the fuck was wrong with me? I’d been in a relationship with Henry for almost five years! I couldn’t-I wouldn’t-let him go. I made up my mind on the drive home that it was best that Ben and I didn’t see each other again. Sure, he was gorgeous, intelligent, and incredibly funny in that self-deprecating way but Henry was the one. The one I wanted to spend my life with, have babies with, and grow old with.

I walked into my flat and fumbled for the light switch. I kicked off my heels at the door and made my way into the kitchen. I grabbed a pint of chocolate ice cream out of the freezer and hopped up on the counter. My phone beeped inside my tiny clutch, indicating I had a new voicemail. I pulled it out and looked at the screen to see not one, but two new voicemails. The first one was from my mom. “Darling, I just wanted to check and make sure you and Henry were still coming over for dinner tomorrow night. Let me know soon so I know how much food to make. Love you. This is your mum by the way.”

I laughed out loud to myself. It had been a long running joke between my mum and I that I had completely forgotten who she was once I moved out on my own. We both stayed so busy that we hardly had any time to see each other anymore. She’d send me text messages every few days that always said something along the lines of

_Just checking to make sure you’re not dead. Love, Mum._

Or

_Your father and I have been arguing for the past 45 minutes over the grammatical structure of a sentence. Please send help. Love, Mum._

They were both completely ridiculous but I loved them anyways. While Steven wasn’t my birth father, he had been the only male presence that I’ve ever really known. My dad left my mom when I was ten but even before that, he was never around. It felt nice to have a dad again, one that really cared and loved me. Not someone who stole money out of my piggy bank to buy pills off the street. Mum and Steven were one of those rare couples that actually made you believe in true love. He lit up when she walked into the room, even after all this time. There was always a sparkle in his eye, one that was reserved only for her. I was downright envious.

The next one was from Henry wanting to make sure I got home okay. I smiled to myself as it dawned on me: how on earth could I ever want to be with anyone else? He was unbelievably sweet and loving. He was loyal and always eager to do whatever he could to make me happy. He honestly kind of reminded me of a golden retriever. We’d been together for a while now and I was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to ask me to move in with him. We had talked about it a few times, even bringing the conversation to marriage and children but most of the time we’d just get frustrated and walk away, leaving the topic untouched for months on end. But despite all of this, I couldn’t deny the fact that he loved me and I absolutely adored him. I put the ice cream back in the freezer and headed upstairs. “Who needs marriage anyways? It’s just a piece of paper, right?” I mumbled to myself. This had become like a mantra to me in the past year or so. I stripped my clothes off, washed my face, and brushed my teeth before crashing into bed.

That was the first night I dreamt of Benedict.

 

Benedict’s POV

The drive home was completely silent. Olivia’s lips were pursed and I could tell she was pissed about something. She was out of the car and slamming the door before I even had mine open. Oh yeah. She was pissed. She unlocked the door to our flat and slammed it in my face just as I was about go inside.

Okay, maybe pissed isn’t the right word.

I walked in cautiously, afraid of being hit in the head with a flying shoe.

“Liv, what’s going on, love? What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? WHAT’S WRONG?! Are you _that_ oblivious to everything, Ben?”

“I don’t know! It depends on what I’m being oblivious to!”

She glared at me. “I haven’t seen you in three weeks and the first thing you want to do when you get home is go out with your friends.”

“But-“

“And I can accept that. But then you abandon me to talk to that… _girl_. Like, seriously, what the fuck Benedict?”

“What? Sadie?! I barely know her! She’s Steven and Sue’s _daughter_. We were just being friendly considering the fact that I work for her parents! Not every female that crosses my path is trying to flirt with me.”

“HA! Okay, I’ll believe it when I see it. I saw the way you two were looking at each other.”

“Liv, please stop. You’re being ridiculous! I went over to talk to her out of politeness. That’s when I found out that she was Steven and Sue’s daughter. We were having a friendly conversation about Sherlock! That’s all. You’ve got to stop overreacting every time we go out in public. I love you. If I wanted to be with someone else, I would be. But I’m standing right here, aren’t I? I am begging you to please, please drop it.”

She looked up at me with her big, beautiful eyes and gave me a slight smile. I could tell all was forgiven. For now.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I let it bother me the way it does. It’s silly.”

I hugged her close to my chest and kissed the top of her head.

We stood there like that for a moment before she pulled away.

“Ben…”

“Yes, love?”

“When…when are we going to get married?”

My mind drew a blank and I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing for a second. This conversation was coming up more and more frequently lately, as it should considering the fact we’ve been together for so long. But there was just…this nagging little thought in the back of my head. Something that kept telling me that maybe it wasn’t the best idea. I had no clue why I was so hesitant. I’ve loved her for so long and we’d be through so much together. She’s always been the one standing there, cheering me on. Who wouldn’t want that for a wife?

“Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

“ **No**. I want to talk about this **now**. Why do you always change the subject when I bring it up? Is it because you don’t want to?”

“Liv, of course no-“

“Stop lying! Jesus, Ben, for once. Can you please, please just tell me the truth for once?”

The look on her face was enough to break me right there. I could see the pain in her eyes. She loved me, I knew that, but she was tired. Tired of waiting for me to slow down, to propose, to have children. I felt like a complete and utter arse for making her wait this long.

I grabbed her by the arms and kissed her softly. As I caressed her face, I looked down at her and smiled.

“I promise as soon as things get sorted out with Sherlock we will settle down.” I kissed her forehead softly as I began to feel the all-too-familiar guilt pangs in my gut. I pulled back to look her. We locked eyes as reality registered on both of our faces.

She knew I was lying. She knew I was just saying that to end the argument. And I knew it too. I knew it was wrong to placate her with false hopes but I didn’t know what else to say. I couldn’t tell her how I felt because even I didn’t know how I bloody felt.

She murmered something about lunch with my mom tomorrow as she went off to bed. I poured myself a small glass of whiskey and sat down in the leather chair in the dark living room. The moon was my only source of light as I began contemplating all the things I'd been avoiding.

Then it hit me: I loved her, that much I knew. But sometimes, love just wasn't enough. Especially when I came to the dark, cold truth that I was too afraid to ever say out loud: I loved her but I wasn’t ** _in love_** with her. There was a huge difference. I had become comfortable in my relationship with Olivia. We both had. It’s what we both have known for nine years. But I didn’t want to be just “comfortable” in a marriage. I wanted true, honest-to-God love. How in the hell do you tell someone you’re not in love with them anymore?

I downed the rest of my drink and silently made my way to the bedroom. She was laying on her side, with a peaceful look on her face. As I began crossing to side of the bed I noticed something glimmering on her cheek in the moonlight: a tear.

Guilt pangs hit me like a train.

As I was getting in bed I heard her say softly, “Please don’t leave me.”

I didn’t know if she was aware of what she had just said or if she was just talking in her sleep.

I rolled over, not bothering to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed and I will see you guys tomorrow :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for reading! As always, feel free to leave comments, suggestions, or questions.  
> Enjoy :)

Sadie's POV

I woke up around 10 am and managed to stumble my way into the bathroom. I heard this loud pounding and I thought it was just the headache from my hangover but then I heard the doorbell. I walked down the stair slowly since every footstep made my hurt _that_ much more. I opened the door to find Henry on my doorstep with coffee and bagels. God bless this man. 

We sat down at the kitchen table and began eating but I could tell something was wrong. He was fidgeting and wouldn't look me in the eye. After a few minutes of silence, I decided I might as well break the ice.

"Is everything okay? You seem a little...off."

"Yeah I'm fin-Actually, no. No I'm not. Something has been bothering me and it might sound silly but I just...I need to know that I have nothing to worry about."

My pulse started to pick up. Uh oh. I didn't know what he was talking about but I had a feeling this wasn't going to go well.

"Last night at the bar you...you seemed pretty enamored with that new guy, Adam's friend. I-"

"Wait, that's what this is about?"

I stood up and walked over to his chair and sat in his lap. I rested my hand on his left cheek.

"Henry, my love, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I promise. I barely know him. He just got cast as Sherlock Holmes in my parents' new show. I was just making friendly conversation. That's all, love."

His face softened and I could tell he felt a little stupid for even bothering to bring it up. I've never understood why but Henry has always been extremely insecure. The second any man glances in my direction, he assumes I'm rushing home to pack my bags so I can run off into the sunset with someone else. What truly baffles me is that I've never given him a reason to think that way.

I gave him a peck on the cheek and went back to my seat to finish my bagel.

"Mum called me yesterday to make sure we were still coming to dinner tonight. Are you still able to make it?"

He gave me that same smile that stole my heart five years ago. 

"Wouldn't miss it."

 

We spent the rest of the morning lounging on the couch, cuddling and laughing. There were several times that seemed decent enough as any to bring up the subject of us finally moving in together but for some reason, something was stopping me. It wasn't just fear of the conversation as whole, but because something, some nagging little voice in the back of my head, was telling me not to. I was rather freaked out by this because it had never happened before so I bit my tongue and decided to save it for later.

We must've fallen asleep shortly after that because when I opened my eyes and focused my eyes on the clock on the wall, it was almost 4:00. I was just about to close my eyes to go back to sleep but then I remembered I was having dinner with my parents. I groaned and and pushed myself off the couch, careful not to wake up Henry.

I climbed the stairs and forced myself into the shower. As I worked the shampoo through my hair, I began to think about Benedict. His smile was just so damn sweet, it made my teeth ache. I couldn't help but notice how intently he watched me whenever I spoke, as if he was trying to absorb every syllable into his being. His voice made me feel like I was sliding down a silky, chocolate waterfall. There was this magical, child-like quality about him that made him so damn endearing. I had this sudden urge to see him again. I couldn't help but feel like maybe things weren't meant to end last night.  _Maybe I shouldn't have deleted his number. I can be friends with a person of the opposite sex, right? And **only** friends._

 _  
_I sighed loudly.

_Oh well, it's too late now._

_  
_An hour later I managed to make myself look decent. I wore dark skinny jeans, a floral tank top, brown cardigan, and simple flats.

At least I looked better than I felt. 

Henry and I got in the car and drive the 30 minutes to my mum and dad's house. The whole ride there was clouded with thoughts of Benedict. _Jesus, shake it off, Moffat._

When we got there, I saw a car in the driveway I didn't recognize. Henry and I made our way up the walk way, stepping over bikes and skateboards (Does Mum ever make Louis and Joshua clean up after themselves?!)

Henry's phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket. "Shit. I'm sorry, I've got to take this. It's about the trial."

Henry was one of the most prominent lawyers in London. People requested-demanded-that he take on their cases. His mother always joked that he could talk his way out of any situation since he was five years old. Now he's made a career out of it. It was this praise that he got that made it difficult for me to understand why he was so insecure when it came to me.

"Okay but please don't stand out here all evening on the phone."

I turned and opened the door and immediately smelled my mum's famous pot roast. I could be on my death bed and that pot roast would be the only thing I was thinking about.

"Mum? Dad?"

"In here!" they called out.

"Josh, it's my turn! GIVE IT TO ME!"

"No way, I just started! Go awa-"

"BOYS! Enough! Share the game or I'll put it away so neither one of you can have a turn."

"But Mum it's not fa-"

"End of discussion, Louis. I don't want to hear any more of this. Drop the argument or drop the toy. It's your choice."

I loved my brothers, I really did, but a huge part of me has always been so grateful for the fact that I had long since moved out on my own by the time they were born. I'd been an only child for so long and I have no idea how I would ever tolerate two little boys running around arguing all the time.

I walked into the kitchen to see my mom with her an apron tied around her wait, a simple blue sweater, and the same jeans she's had since 1999. 

"Maybe you should put both of them on leashes." I joked.

Both boys turned around and stuck their tongues out at me.

"It's tempting." She wrapped me up in a hug that only mothers know how to give. "How are you, darling? Are you doing well? It's been ages since we've had a proper chat. Oh my goodness," she gasped, "you're so thin! Do you ever eat?!"

I had to laugh. I was 29 years old and my mother still treated me like I was 10. 

"Yes Mum, I'm eating! I've just been stressed out the past few weeks because I have more cases than normal. One of the other psychiatrists just went on maternity leave so the rest of us have to pick up her clients. I'll get it sorted soon."

She smiled at me but I could tell she was worried. She was always worried. I guess that's just part of being a mum.

The memories of childhood with my father haunted me in more ways than I'd care to admit. He was never subtle or secretive of his drug problem and it scarred me. I made up my mind years ago I wanted to help other kids in the same situation. Now, almost 20 years later, I was working for one of the most prominent private psychiatric clinics in all of London on top of taking on extra cases from children's homes and adoption agencies. It sounds like a lot but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm not be the most beautiful, thin, or rich woman in London, but at least I'll always have my degree and _that's_ something to be proud of.

Just as she was turning around to stir something on the stove, my dad came downstairs. I was surprised to see none other than, Mark Gatiss following behind him. 

"I don't know why I can't get this scene to work! It's driving me absolutely bonkers! Oh, hello love! We were just talking about you." My dad wrapped me in a bear hug and kissed my forehead.

"Hi, Daddy." I stretched up on my tippy toes to kiss his cheek. "Mark Gatiss, you look absolutely flawless as usual!"

He kissed my cheek before saying, "Ah, well when I heard you'd be joining us I just knew I had to up my game."

I blushed before turning to pour myself a glass of wine.

"Where's Henry, love? I thought you said he was coming."

"He's outside on the phone with a client. This big case he's been working on goes to trial on Monday."

"Oh, I see. Honey, will you put the dinner rolls in the oven? Once they're done, we can eat."

I nodded and got up to do as I was told when I saw him walk downstairs.

_Fuck. Now I know why they were talking about me._

"Ah, well if it isn't Dr. Moffat!"

I grinned. "So we meet again, Cumberbatch." _Focus. Breathe._

My mom was busy trying to keep my brothers from strangling themselves while my dad and Mark had ventured outside to talk about some production detail of Sherlock.

It was just Ben and I. Alone. 

"So I was wondering when we were going to make that coffee date happen?"

I was just about to open my mouth to say something when Henry walked into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry about that but everyone is a nervous wreck for Monday."

He stopped suddenly and I could see the insecurities wash over his face again. Ben stepped forward and offered him his hand. 

"Oh, Henry, I didn't know you were coming. It's nice to see you again!"

Henry took his hand, albeit begrudgingly, and responded with a simple, "You too."

I took the rolls out of the oven and grabbed my wine glass so I could head into the dining room.

Henry sat beside me while Benedict was seated across from me. I could see Henry's jaw twitch as he sat down.

Dinner went by in a blur. I listened to the conversation without really hearing or contributing anything. I locked eyes with Benedict a few times and it felt like my stomach was doing back flips. At one point we reached for the bowl of peas at the same time and our fingers brushed together. I felt an electric shock rush through my entire body.

"Sorry." He smiled sheepishly. "Ladies first."

He didn't look at me for the rest of the night. When dinner was over, he excused himself outside to smoke a cigarette.

Mark, Henry, and my dad made their way into the living room to argue over some football tournament. I was overcome with the need for fresh air so I slipped quietly outside.

I didn't see him immediately. He was on the far left side of the front porch leaning on the railing. It was dark outside and the only thing I could see was the soft, orange glow from his cigarette. He looked pensive as he stared off into space.

I slipped a penny out of my pocket and onto the rail.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

He jerked his gaze towards me and gave me a slight smile then sighed.

"I was just thinking...wondering...if this whole Sherlock thing is worth it. I mean, I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity, don't get me wrong, but it's taking up more time than I thought it would. I hardly have time to do anything anymore and it's starting to take it's toll on my...relationships."

"You mean Olivia?"

"How'd you know?"

"Just a wild guess."

He looked down and bit his lip. He was holding something back. Whatever it was, it was something he was too scared to say out loud. He'd gotten used to having to keep the honest truth concealed where Olivia was concerned.

"Whatever it is, I won't judge you."

He looked out into the yard for awhile.

"It's just...I love her _so much_ but she just doesn't get it. She acts like I deliberately avoid spending time with her but I have _no_ time anymore. We've been together for nine years so naturally she wants to know when, or if, we're ever going to get married and have kids but I just can't answer that question right now. Settling down to get married and have children has always been my ultimate goal but when I look to my future and I see my wife standing next to me...it's...it's not her."

"Well then I think, as scary as it may be, you have your answer. We don't have to like the truth. We just have to accept it. It's not fair to feed into her fantasy of you two being married if it's not actually going to happen because in the end, you _both_ get hurt. Nine years is a long time but so is forever. Wouldn't you want to spend forever with someone you're actually in love with?"

He looked at me with the most child-like expression I'd ever seen on a grown man. It was almost enough to break your heart.

"Damn. You're good."

"That's what they keep telling me!" I smiled at him in hopes of getting one in return but I was out of luck. 

"I know you love her, Ben. It's plainly written all over your face." I placed my hand on his shoulder. "But sometimes, loving someone just isn't enough. Wouldn't you rather see her grow old with someone who could give her the time and attention you can't? Don't you want her to be blissfully and nauseatingly in love with someone? Even if that means it's not you?"

He looked down at his shoes. It was a while before he spoke. "I suppose so."

He turned to look me in the eye, the first time since the conversation began. We stood there looking into each other's eyes for what felt like ages before Henry poked his head out the door.

"Ready to go, love?"

I whipped my head around and nodded. He ducked back inside to tell my parents goodbye.

"I'm sorry, Ben. Truly."

I squeezed his shoulder before turning to leave.

"Do you...do you think we really could get that coffee sometime this week? I have some other major life problems that need solving."

I giggled.

"Sure. You know how to find me."

He smiled at me.

"Right then. I'll see you soon, Sadie."

"Take care of yourself, Ben."

He said something in such a low voice that I could barely understand. I'm not entirely sure but it sounded like "I'm trying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested to see what Sadie's outfit looked like, here you go:  
> http://pinterest.com/pin/480900066430823378/
> 
> Thanks again for reading!  
> I'll be posting again within the next few days so keep checking back!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for not posting yesterday! I had the day off from work so I wanted to enjoy it! Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to read and leave kudos. As always, comments, questions, and suggestions are welcome!  
> Enjoy :)

My phone was ringing. Again. _Jesus, someone make it stop._ I reached for the reciever without paying attention to where my hand was going when all of a sudden I knocked over my cup of coffee that I told myself I was going to throw out two hours ago.

"Dammit!"

I reached for the napkins I had stashed in my desk for occasions such as this. I continued to dab the sticky mess on my desk when the office secretary stuck her head in my door.

"Your 11:30 is here, Dr. Moffat. I tried to phone you but you didn't answer."

Everything about this day was pissing me off, including the secretary. It's not her fault I was having a bad day but she wasn't making it any better either.

"Thanks, Julie. Send her in."

I sat down in my chair and began to think about the conversation that had plagued my mind for the past four days. He just looked so _sad_. I saw the love in his eyes but I also saw the pain. I wanted nothing more than to absorb all of those feelings for him because I'd seen that look before. It was the same look my mum had on her face before my father left.  It hurt like hell to see him go but not nearly as much as it would've to have him stay. 

There was a quiet knock on my door as my next patient, Claire, walked in. She was tall for a 15 year old girl. She was pasty white with a mess of blonde ringlets spilling everywhere. She had a soft, timid smile and she always smelled like lavender and cinnamon rolls. She was rail thin, which was why she was here in the first place. She was released from a private hospital six weeks ago after battling anorexia. She was one of my more challenging patients. She was always very careful with her words, almost as if she was afraid of revealing something she shouldn't. I'd been treating her for almost six months and we'd hardly gotten anywhere.

I smiled warmly at her and stepped towards her to embrace her. 

"How are you today, love? You're looking better and better every time I see you!"

She smiled at me as she sat down on the couch.

An hour later I walked her out to the waiting room to see her mother anxiously shifting in the uncomfortable plastic chair. She shot up and walked over to us. I shook her hand.

"Maureen, it's nice to see you again. Claire did well today. I'm extremely proud of her! I want to see her back in a week's time."

She nodded eagerly. Out of all of the parents I dealt with, she was by far one of the most annoying. She spent so much energy trying to please all of Claire's doctors instead of trying to help her daughter recover. Seemed to me like Claire wasn't the only one who needed therapy.

We said our goodbyes and I headed back to my office. I swear, someone must have psychic abilities because as soon as I crossed the threshold, my phone was ringing. However, this time it was my mobile phone. I picked it up and hit the talk button cautiously.

"Dr. Moffat what the hell is your problem? It's been four days and you still haven't solved any more of my major life problems."

I smiled. He didn't even have to say his name. I knew that voice. I'd only met him twice but you couldn't possibly forget a voice like that.

"You know, you don't have to call me Dr. Moffat. I have a first name."

"I know. It's doctor."

I couldn't help but giggle. What a sarcastic little shit.

"What problem can I help you with today?"

"Hmm, well I don't have anyone to eat lunch with. Care to solve that problem?"

I smiled. In fact, I was smiling more than I should've been.

"Meet me at Stockpot in 30 minutes?"

"You got it."

I hung up the phone and started answering emails to keep myself busy. I'd gotten through five emails when I realized I was still smiling. _Oh boy._

 _  
_I kept glancing at the clock, as if it would make time go faster. I was fidgeting uncontrollably. _God, was that...no...it couldn't be...butterflies? Why in the hell am I so nervous?! It's just Ben, for God's sake. Jesus.Get over yourself, Moffat._

Finally enough time had passed. I set up my phone to go straight to voice mail while I was out and I pulled out a mirror to assess my hair and makeup. 

Fuck. Frizzy didn't even begin to describe the mess on my head. My face was oily and I could tell that my concealer was doing a crap job at hiding the dark circles under my eyes from restless sleep. I reached for the brush in my purse and began an attempt at trying to tame the monstrosity on my head. I blotted my face and slipped on a quick coat of lipgloss. 

Oh, fuck it.

I grabbed my stuff and made my way outside to hail a taxi.

"Stockpot, please"

"Yes, Miss."

I twiddled my thumbs absentmindedly and stared out the window as I tried to take deep, calming breaths. The operative word was try here.

There was traffic, but then again, when was there not traffic in London? Fifteen minutes of sitting in stop-and-go traffic had gone by when I finally decided I was close enough and could just walk the rest of the way. 

"I'll just get out here, thanks."

I paid the cabbie then made my way through the maze of cars to get to the sidewalk. When I finally got there I expected to see him sitting at a table waiting for me but he was nowhere to be found. The hostess showed me to a table in the far left corner. I slid into the booth, still keeping an eye out for him. I checked the clock on my phone. 15 minutes late. I'd heard my parents make comments about how he was never on time to rehersals but this was a tad absurd. After putting my phone back in purse, I glanced up to see him walking toward me, smiling.

"I am so sorry. I tried to be on time, I really did. I'll probably be late to my own bloody funeral to be honest."

I laughed before saying, "It's okay. I was running late too so you're off the hook this time."

There was a moment of awkward silence. I couldn't help but wonder if he invited me out to lunch because he wanted to continue our conversation from Saturday night or if he was just trying to spend time with me. Either way, I didn't mind.

I was about to open my mouth to say something when our waitress walked up to our table. She was a short, round woman with red curly hair that stopped just below her ears. She took our orders quickly and waddled away.

"So, Cumberbatch, you said you had some major life problems that need solving?"

"Ah, yes. Well, let's see. I still don't know which comes first: the chicken or the egg."

"Easy. The egg. Next."

His smile broke into a chuckle.

"Hm. I have two tickets to go see The Killers this weekend but no one has claimed the second ticket. What do you think I should do?"

"Try asking your girlfriend."

His smile immediately fell. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, it's okay. She, uh, she left this morning. Took a job in Birmingham. She said she thinks this time apart could do us some good and that we'll talk when she gets back. I know it's odd, considering what I told you, but I...miss her."

"In what way do you miss her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, do you miss in the sense that you hate being apart from her and you don't ever want to have to be away from her ever again or do you just miss the fact that you used to hate being apart from her?"

He was quiet for a while. It wasn't until our food arrived a few minutes later that he finally spoke. "I really...I can't answer that. I wish I could. I mean, a part of me does miss her, physically. I miss listening to her heartbeat as we fall asleep. I miss the smell of her vanilla honey shampoo." He paused for a moment before saying, "The other part of me just...I don't feel like it's worth it to fight to make it work. Does that make me a bad person?"

I smiled at him and took his hand from across the table. "Not in the slightest. We can't help how we feel. You told me that when you picture your life with a wife and kids, it's not her that you see. But look at it this way: what happens when she gets married to someone else and starts a family? Are you gonna be okay with that? Can you put on a smile and be genuinely happy for her with absolutely no guilt or regrets?"

I wasn't entirely sure, but I think I saw him tear up.

"Ben, you can't force yourself to be in love with someone out fear of what you might miss when they're gone. It's completely normal to miss those little things about her, even though you don't want to be with her. You talk as if I'm going to think you're crazy for being human and having feelings when, in reality, I'd think you were crazy if you didn't. You can continue coming to me for advice as much as you'd like but, in the end, it's not my relationship. I'm not the one that has to make the decision and live with it. You're tying to pick the option that will hurt the least but you fail to realize that, no matter what you choose, it will hurt like hell. At some point, Ben, you've got to stop trying to make everyone else happy. This is your life. Don't you want to be at peace with choices you've made?"

"You are bound and determined to break me down, aren't you?"

"No. I'm bound and determined to build you back up."

He looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite place before looking down at his sandwich.

"Olivia is right. You should take this time apart to really think about what you want. If it's her, fantastic. If it's not, brilliant. Either way, a decision has to be made. You can't live in limbo forever."

He sighed and started to pick at the chips on his plate.

"Can I ask you something, Ben?"

He looked back up. "Shoot."

"Have you stayed with her this long because you're terrified of starting over? Of having to find someone, ask them out on a date, and put yourself out there?"

He thought for a moment before answering, "I think so. Like you said before, nine years is a long time. I think it's the idea of leaving what's comfortable. Everything about my relationship with Olivia is predictable and safe. I know what to expect. Having to meet someone new and learn the ropes is downright terrifying."

"It's supposed to be! Name one part of life, let alone dating, that isn't terrifying at some point or another."

He gave me a small smile. "Okay, you've got a point." He took a swig from his glass of water. "Now what about you, love? Am I to believe everything with Henry is peaches and cream?"

I snorted.

"No, but show me a relationship that is. We have our ups and downs just like everyone else."

"Then tell me why he still hasn't asked you to move in after five years. That question seems to be a little past due, don't you think?"

My cheeks suddenly got very red as I started to stumble over my words.

"I don't really see how any of that is your business. You invited me to lunch to talk about your problems, not mine."

"True but isn't that what friends do? Don't they talk about their problems with each other?"

"Oh, so we're friends now? When did this happen? I would've like a little heads up."

"Just answer the question."

Something about his persistence and how he acted as if he had a right to know really set me off.

"Just go fuck yourself."

I stood up, grabbed my things, and stormed out.

I was walking down the sidewalk trying to hail a cab when I heard his voice rushing behind me.

"Sade! Sadie, stop. Please, stop. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." He grabbed my arm and turned me around. 

I looked him dead in the eyes but I didn't say anything.

"I shouldn't have said anything. It wasn't my place. I'm so sorry."

I looked into his eyes and I could tell he meant it. It was still a dick move, but I knew he was sorry about it.

"It's fine." I looked down at my shoes. "I guess that's thing about solving problems and helping people for a living: you spend so much time trying to put everyone else back together and clean up all these messes that aren't yours that you forget to pay attention to your own problems."

He wrapped his arms around me. I inhaled his scent. He smelled like books, cigarettes, and something floral that I couldn't quite place. It was intoxicating.

"So you forgive me?"

"Yes, Cumberdouche, I forgive you."

He laughed that same deep, rich laughter that always made me melt a little on the inside.

"So how about I make it up to you by taking you out for pizza this weekend?" I nodded. "And in case you haven't heard, I happen to have an extra ticket to the Killers concert. You interested?"

"Are you gonna be an arse again?"

"Are you coming?"

"Are you gonna be an arse again?"

"No."

"Then yes."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you so much for taking the time read. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you guys tomorrow :)
> 
> Also, if you're interested, I'll be posting links to the outfits that Sadie wears in each chapter.  
> This is the outfit she wore in today's chapter: http://pinterest.com/pin/480900066431016814/


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you so much for reading! Shit is about to hit the fan within the next few chapters, I promise :) Just have to set everything up.
> 
> Feel free to leave comments, suggestions, or questions.

_Two Months Later_

_  
_"I'm telling you, Ben, that midget was totally checking out your arse!"

"That's where his eyeline was! Where the hell else do you expect him to look?!"

I laughed and shoved him playfully. It had been two months since we had had lunch at Stockpot and we had become practically inseperable ever since. Olivia was still away in Birmingham filming and Henry was constantly at his office working on some high-profile case so Benedict and I spent most of our free time together. 

He was walking me back to my office after another Thursday lunch at Stockpot. We'd made it sort of a ritual since that day. The rest of the week days were spent watching movies, reading silently beside each other on the couch, or me trying to teach him how to cook a decent meal that didn't require a microwave. 

I'd only known Benedict for two months yet it felt like an entire lifetime. I don't know how or why but he made it so easy to tell him things about myself I didn't normally reveal. In fact, he made you _want_ to show him those deep, dark, dusty corners of yourself you kept hidden from the people before him. He had come to know more about me in the past two months than Henry did in the first two years of our relationship.

"So what should we do tonight Moffat? I was thinking cheap wine, spaghetti alla Carbonara, and _The X Factor_?"

"Mr. Cumberbatch are you trying to seduce me?"

"DAMN. Ya caught me."

I giggle and swatted my hand at him.

"While your plan sounds quite tempting, Henry and I have dinner plans tonight."

"Oh, what do you two love birds have planned?"

"I don't know. He said to leave the plans to him. He said he had something really important he needed to talk to me about."

"You don't think..."

"...What?"

"You don't think he's going to...ya know...propose...do you?"

I stopped so I could turn to look at him and roll my eyes.

"Cumberbatch, use your brain. We don't even live together."

"Maybe he's an old-fashioned kind of lad, I don't know!"

"You don't know a lot of things."

"I know you're going to be late for your next appointment."

I looked at my watch. Shit. He was right. I swiftly kissed him on the cheek as we hugged goodbye and I saunterd back into my office.

 

Benedict's POV

If you had told me two months ago that I would've found a best friend in Sadie, I would've thought you were completely bonkers. Yet here we stand. It had been about two months since Olivia left to film some movie in Birmingham. We talked every few days but neither one of us have made the effort to visit the other. Sometimes I felt her presence in our shared flat. I could almost smell her shampoo and feel her arms around me. I still didn't know what that meant or what to do with it so I usually shoved it to the back of my mind. We loved each other but the evidence was clear: neither one of us was putting much effort into saving our relationship, if you could call it that.

While Olivia and I only talked every few days, I found myself talking to Sadie almost constantly. I don't know how it happned. It was almost as if I just blinked my eyes for a split second then-BAM-she was my best friend. I couldn't go a day without talking to her. Even if it was something stupid like: 

" _Sock sale today :)_ "

I just had to hear from her. I just had to know she was still out there, breathing, smiling, and laughing her beautiful, contagious laugh, even if it was at my expense.

A few days ago I met Adam at our favorite pizza place. He said something to me that night that was still ringing in my ears. We were sitting at the bar when we slapped his hand down on my shoulder and smiled, "It's good to see the old Ben back. We sure have missed you, mate. I take it things with Olivia are getting better?"

I scoffed and picked a greasy pepperoni off my slice. 

"No, not exactly."

"Then what is it? You look down right cheerful these days."

I looked down at my pizza and tried to conceal my smile.

He cocked his head to the side, "What are you not telling me?" He went silend before practically yelling, "OH MY GOD. You're totally banging someone on the side! Has it seriously been that long since you and Olivia shagged?"

"God no. Jesus. I'm not banging anyone. Who the hell still says 'banging' anyways?"

"Quit avoiding the subject."

"I told you! I'm not shagging anyone. Just made a new friend and we've hit it off really well, that's all."

He snickered as he waved over the waitress for another beer.

I tried to change the subject quickly, "So when are you an-"

"HOLY SHIT." His eyes were bulging and his mouth was as wide as it would go. "It's Sadie! Bloody fucking hell! How could I have not seen this before?! You two were totally into each other that night at the pub! Unfuckingbelievable."

"We're just friends, mate. We just enjoy each other's company. Henry's working some big case and Olivia's been in Birmingham filming."

"Yeah, you keep each other company by banging her head into the headboard while she screams your name over and over."

"Oh piss off! That's not what this is at all."

"No." He took a swig of his nearly-gone beer. "But you want it to be."

 

I thought about what he said the rest of the night. Did I really want that with Sadie? I mean, she was obviously gorgeous. She was as sharp as a tack and could make me laugh harder than anyone I knew. Sure, Thursdays had quickly become my favorite day but it's normal for friends to be excited to see each other.

In spite of all that, I knew dating was never going to be an option.

First of all, we were both in relationships and unlike me, she wasn't contemplating ending hers.

Secondly, and probably the most terrifying, was the fact that I work for her bloody parents. No father would ever be okay with his employee dating his daughter. I really respected Sue and Steven and the thought of all the problems this could cause was enough to induce a panic attack.

The only logical option was to suppress my feelings. I thought I was doing pretty good at it until she mentioned that Henry had something important he wanted to talk to her about.

_Oh God. Please, please no._

I knew I couldn't say _that_ so I tried to muster something else. I felt my heart sink into my stomach as soon as I said the word "propose" but I tried to smile anyways.

As much as she tried to play it off like she didn't think it was a possibility, I could tell she wanted it to be. 

What the hell was I going to do about it anyways? I already promised myself I wouldn't pursue her. I bloody well couldn't show up on her doorstep while Henry was in the middle of proposing. What would I say? "Oh, sorry to interrupt this potentially life-changing moment but I just wanted to know if you'd like to go out on a date on Friday?"

_Yeah. Good plan, Benedict. You're a real charmer._

We said our goodbyes and I watched her walk away gracefully back to her office. I laughed at myself as I hailed a cab. _Christ, I'm pathetic._

_  
_Sadie's POV

I wasn't nervous for my dinner with Henry until Benedict made the comment about a proposal. _Was he really going to do that? Were we ready for that? Was **I** ready for that?_

I had four more appointments that day and each one felt longer than the one before. FINALLY it was 5:30 so I pushed my way out of the office violently like a child fighting to see Santa.

I practically raced home and tore the front door down. I was immediately hit with the smell of fresh flowers, chocolate, and something buttery coming from the kitchen.

His back was turned as he pulled something out of the oven.

"Why hello there stranger," I said as seductively as I could manage.

He whipped around and a giant smile spread across his face. God, I missed that smile.

He swiftly picked me up and twirled me around before setting me back down on the floor and kissing me passionately on the lips.

"Is there ever a time where you don't look absolutely breath taking? I'm beginning to think you're going to be the death of me."

I blushed thirty shades of red and walked to the other end of the kitchen to grab two wine glasses and bottle of red wine out of the wine rack.

"So how is the case? Is it almost over? Cause I'd really like my boyfriend back."

He chuckled softly before saying, "Should only have a week left, love. Then I am all yours again."

"Hmm just how I like it." I walked over and pressed my chest to his back and wrapped my hands around his waist as he stirred what looked like a cream sauce on the stove. "I've missed you so much," I whispered.

He stopped stirring and turned around to face me. He took my face in his hands and pressed his soft, warm lips to mine. His tongue darted in between my lips. He tasted like coffee and something akin to apples. His hands left my face and wrapped around my waist as he pulled me in even closer. My hands found their way to his hair and I played with slight curls at the nape of his neck. 

He pulled away momentarily for air as I inhaled his scent. I sure missed this.

"Um, love, there's something I want to talk to you about."

 _Oh, fuck. Here it is_. My heart was beating faster than I thought was humanly possible and my palms suddenly got very sweaty. _Was I even breathing?_

He guided me out of the kitchen and into the living room and sat me down on the couch. He took my hands in his and looked me straight in the eyes. 

"I've been thinking about this for awhile and it wasn't until recently that I realized that this is what I truly want."

_No, but seriously, was I breathing?_

_"_ I got an offer a few months ago for one of the best law firms in the world."

I gasped audibly. Why hadn't he told me this before?

"It's in France. You know it's always been my dream to move there after retirement but now I have the oppurtunity to do it at 32. The offer is incredible, love."

My heart soared for him. "That's fantastic! I am so proud of you! You have to take it."

"Well, that's the thing I wanted to talk to you about. The offer is getting ready to be taken off the the table if I don't make a decison soon. So I need to know if you would ever...possibly..." He gulped loudly. "consider coming with me?"

I swear for that moment, time stopped. Or maybe it was just my heart. Move to France? What the fuck? We don't even live together now and he wants to move to a foreign country and give it a whirl? This means leaving my family, my friends, everything I've worked my arse off for.

"I...well...uh...Henry...that's a huge deal. Of course I want you to take the job. I know how hard you've worked for this. But leaving all of this," I gestured around me "that's a lot to ask. I mean, when was the last time we talked about moving in together or marriage for that matter? How could you ask me to move to France without the promise of that?"

"Why does marriage have to be a factor?!"

"Because Henry! What happens if we move there and something happens and we break up? I would be left in a strange, foriegn country all on my own! Asking me to give up everything _I've_ worked for in hopes that this _may_ work out is an awful lot."

"So you're saying you'd move with me if I promised to make you my wife instead of my girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"I...Sadie..."

I studied his expression. All of a sudden, it hit me like a bullet train. He didn't want to marry me. He just wanted someone to go with him to make the move more comfortable, like a little piece of home.

"Fucking hell...," I whispered. "You fucking prick! You don't want to marry me, do you?"

"Sadie..."

"DO YOU? WHAT?! What excuse are you going to come up with now? You are a lawyer after all, making up lies and talking your way out of things is what you get paid to do."

"Sadie, you know the history between my pare-"

"Don't. Don't you fucking dare throw that out there as an excuse. That's a bullshit cop-out. Look at the way my dad treated my mum and I. You don't see me throwing that around as some sort of apology. Shit happens, Henry. People walk over you but you pick yourself up and move the fuck on."

"That's not what I'm trying to do!"

"Bullshit," I hissed.

I glanced up towards the front door. I didn't notice it before but there was a bag beside the table at the entryway. 

My glance darted back towards Henry. "You complete piece of shit. You knew. You fucking knew that I wouldn't move with you unless you promised me that we could get married. This is your spineless way of breaking up with me. You're too much of a pussy to do it yourself so you wanted to make me do it. You fucking twat."

He looked up at me sheepishly. I could fucking kill him.

"Sadie I'm so sor-"

"Get. the fuck. out of my house."

"Please don't do this."

"OUT!" I literally felt my blood boil. 

He got up silently, got his bag, and left. I crossed the living room to the front door and locked it. I glanced over to the table and saw that he left a note. I picked it up and read, "I am so, so sorry. I'll you love you forever. I just can't be what you need anymore." Underneath the note was his key to my flat.

I stumbled into the kitchen, turned the stove off, and grabbed a wine glass. I groaned loudly as I poured a healthy amount.

What the hell was I supposed to do now?

Oh, what the hell. I grabbed the bottle and my glass and slowly climbed my way upstairs and into a drunken stupor.

 

Benedict's POV

I was waiting all night by the phone. I just knew that Sadie's name would pop up on the screen any moment and she was going to tell me the "happy" news and I could then drink myself to sleep. I must've fallen asleep on the couch because it was morning when I woke and there were still no messages on my phone. I shrugged and decided to do the one thing that almost always cleared my mind.

It was an exceptionally muggy Friday with thick fog as I went downstairs and pushed the door open to my apartment building to go for a run. 

Olivia was due home any day now and I knew I had to give her an answer but for some reason, I still couldn't come up with one. My head felt as foggy as it was outside and I didn't have a clue as to how I could get through it. 

I ran for about 45 minutes before I decided that running was ironically not getting me anywhere. When I got back to my flat, I heard my phone beep. 

_Oh shit, here we go._

It was indeed from Sadie.

My hands started to shake as I unlocked the phone and read the message.

_"Remind me why I seem to think it's okay to get drunk off red wine?"_

I smiled and typed back, _"Shouldn't you have been celebrating with champagne?"_

Her response was almost immediate.

_"No."_

Uh oh. I called her. She answered on the fourth ring.

"I don't know why you're calling me Cumberbatch but whatever you say, say it quietly."

"You sound horrible."

"Jesus, you're such a charmer Benedict."

"What the hell happened?"

"Let's just say you were wrong."

"Sadie, what's going on? You're starting to freak me out."

She sighed loudly then went on to tell me the tale of what had happened the night before.

My blood started to boil and I was clenching my fists without realizing it.

 _How the fuck could he do that to her?! He was a blithering idiot! Who wouldn't want to marry her? What a fucking rat._ I vowed right there to smash his face in if I ever saw him again.

My heart broke for her. "I'm so sorry, love. Is there anything I can do?"

"Well there's still not a cure for the common cold, so there's that."

"Sadie. I'm serious."

"So am I! This is 2009! It's total bullshit."

I knew she was saying all of that to stop herself from crying. I knew her well enough to know that if she ever stopped laughing, she would cry instead.

She exhaled rather loudly before continuing, "I appreciate your concern Benedict, truly, but I think this is something I have to handle on my own." She was slurring her words slightly. Was she still drunk? Wouldn't be surprising.

"You're a lovely friend, Cumberbatch, and I adore you for trying to rescue me from this hell but this is life and I'm just gonna drink my way through it."

I furrowed my brow, trying to think of what to say. I was really worried but I knew that would only make things worse if she knew.

"Quit worrying. I can hear your inner voice panicking over the phone." The right corner of my mouth turned up into a slight smile. She knew me well.

"Promise you'll call the second you need something?"

"Sure, sure. Now I would like to go back to nursing this horrific hangover if you don't mind."

I stifled a laugh and bit my lip.

"Take care of yourself, Moffat."

She spoke quietly, "I'm trying."

My mind flashed back to that night on her parents' porch. Those were the exact words I had said to her. So much had changed in that short span of time. This woman had abruptly walked into my life and had quickly become one of the most important people in it.

But what if Henry had proposed? What the hell would I have done? I shuddered at the thought of her becoming his wife. This woman deserved to be with-

I heard a key enter the lock in the front door. Suddenly, it swung open and in walked Olivia. She looked beautiful-she always looked beautiful-and she had a mixture of happiness and fear in her eyes. She was terrified of the answer I was going to give her once we finally got past the pleasantries.

In all honesty, I was terrfied too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadie's outfit: http://pinterest.com/pin/480900066430516402/


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not posting last week! I was moving but I should be back to regular posting.  
> WARNING: This is a serious chapter with triggering events, just so you know.
> 
> As always, comments, questions, and suggestions are always welcome :)

Sadie's POV  


_Three Weeks Later_

It had been three agonizingly long weeks since Henry left and I was finally starting to move on. My best friend Zoey was never a fan of him so she was beyond thrilled when we broke up. She'd been trying to take me out to pubs to meet guys ever since. I would always manage to come up with some other excuse but tonight she insisted I dropped the bullshit and put myself out there.

_Eh, what the hell. Maybe some poor bastard will be dumb enough to buy me a drink._

We arrived at a small pub in Chelsea around 10 and it was already packed. We pushed our way through the crowds and managed to snag two seats at the bar. We order our drinks, white wine for me and a martini for Zoey, before settling in to a conversation I was hoping we would avoid.

"I know you don't want to talk about it but I'm just saying that I couldn't be happier you two are over. He was such a boring prick. There are at least ten guys in here that are hotter than him. You should totally find one and...you know..."

"Ask him if he has a bandaid? Cause these shoes are killing me."

She scoffed and shook her head, "It's sad that you have a doctorate degree yet you are so totally clueless."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not clueless, I just don't want to talk about it. I'll get back in the game when I'm ready."

She sighed loudly before stating flatly, "So, never."

I rolled my eyes again and looked around the room. That's when I saw him. Easily 6'2 with short, straight blond hair. He had piercing blue eyes and a smile that could make bring a nun to her knees. He was staring at me and I was, well, gaping. He looked like a god.

I turned away shyly and pretended to be interested in whatever Zoey was talking about.

It wasn't long before I heard the delicious sound of someone clearing their throat. I turned around to be starting at none other than the man from across the room,

"I'm so sorry to interrupt but I just couldn't help myself. You are incredibly beautiful and I was wondering if you would allow me the honor of buying you a drink."

For some reason, I felt like I had lost all ability to speak.

"I, uh, well...I mean..."

Zoey stepped in, "She would love to! She needs someone to keep her company while I find the loo."

I shot a grateful glance her way as she hopped off the stool and made her way through the crowd. The man sat down and waved the bartender over to order our drinks. 

"I'm so sorry, I'm being so rude. My name is Leo." He stuck out his hand for me to shake.

 _Deep Breaths._ "I'm Sadie," I said as I shook his hand. I took note of how soft his hands were. _Fuck, are they made out of velvet or something?_

"Sadie. That's beautiful." I smiled. "Almost as beautiful as you are." I blushed and looked away. I felt like he was literally charming the pants off me.

The rest of the evening was spent in captivating conversation. He worked for a marketing agency not far from the pub. He was 31 and (thankfully) single. Before I knew it, it was 1 am and Zoey was flashing me that "let's get out of here" look.

I started to gather my things while saying, "It was lovely to meet you Leo but I'm afraid I must go. I didn't realize how late it had gotten. Thanks for the drink by the way."

He grabbed my hand and stared intently into my eyes, "Oh pity to see you go. I couldn't possibly let this be our last time seeing each other. Would you happen to be free to go to dinner with me tomorrow night?"

I smiled and looked down at my shoes. Sure, he was drop dead gorgeous but was I really ready to start dating again? It'd only been three weeks since Henry left and I still found myself missing him. But as I looked up into Leo's eyes, I knew I had no choice.

"I would love to," I said as I smiled and handed him my phone to program his number in. He kissed me swiftly on the cheek before making his way to the other end of the bar to pay his tab. I found Zoey by the door and pulled her through so I could fill her in on every last detail.

 

_Three months later_

I woke up with the most agonizing pain in my stomach. _Please, please, please don't let it be bad._ I rose out of bed slowly since any sudden movments only made the pain that much worse. Flicking on the bathroom lights, I immediately felt a sharp pain in my head too. _Headache. Not the first time he's given me one of those._

I walked over the mirror to examine the damage. Running my hands through my hair, I could feel a rather large bump near my crown. I slowly lifted up my shirt, afraid of what I would find. Purple and black bruises were scattered across my stomach. I winced as I ran my hand over them. My mind flashed back to the night before.

I accompanied Leo to dinner with some of his clients. I was already nervous because I knew how he got when we went out in public. He glared at any male that dared to look in my direction. If someone approached me that he didn't approve of, I was immediately yanked away and punished later.

One of Leo's clients, Evan, had cornered me on the way to the restroom. _Shit shit shit_. I tried to be polite but before I could get away, Leo rounded the corner. His face immediately went hard like a stone. I knew that look. He was gritting his teeth while his fists were clenched. He spat out, "If you don't mind Evan, I'd like to have a moment alone with my girlfriend." The color immediately drained from my face. Evan made his exit just as Leo was shoving me into the bathroom. He turned to make sure no one was in the stalls before he grabbed me by my arms and shoved me against the wall.

"What the fuck was that?" His breath was hot and his voice was low. His eyes were dark with anger. I swallowed, trying to think of what to say. I had to be very careful when it came to the way I worded things. One wrong syllable and and he would turn on me.

I shakily said, "It was nothing, Leo, I swear. He was just telling me how excited he was to work with you. He mentioned how impressed he was with the work you had done with your last client."

"Bullshit. I saw the way he was looking at you. Are you fucking him?"

Tears were starting to sting my eyes. I quickly realized there was probably no talking myself out of this one but I decided to give it a shot.

"No, I swear. I would never cheat on you! Tonight was the first time I've ever met him. I'm not lying, I wouldn't."

I held my breath, bracing myself for whatever was about to come. He was either going to drop it and apologize profusely or get even angrier and take it out on my face.

This wasn't the first time he'd gotten this angry with me. It started about a month ago while we were on holiday in Ireland. He'd had one too many and came home from a pub completely wasted. When I refused to have sex with him, he yanked me out of bed and threw me on the floor. He kicked me repeatedly in the ribs screaming, "You're mine, BITCH. YOU DO WHAT I SAY WHEN I SAY IT." He pulled me up by my arms and shoved me against the wall as he ripped off my knickers. He kissed me hard and painfully before shoving me onto the bed. I kept saying, "No, please, stop. God, please stop," but he didn't. I cried through the whole thing and through the rest of the night long after he passed out. 

It had happened a few times after that but telling someone felt equally as terrifying. The thing is, no one ever thinks it could happen to them. You look at victims of abuse and rape and you feel sorry for them but you can't help but wonder how they let themselves get in to a situation like that. You always wonder why they wouldn't run and tell someone. Now I get it. Not only was I terrfied of what Leo would do to me if he found out I told someone, but I was terrified of what other people would think. It's embarassing. It made me feel weak and that's the one thing I told myself I would never feel after my father left. Now, here I was a month later, and I had already grown accustomed to the beatings and non consensual sex.

"You are mine, you stupid bitch, do you understand? You don't look at or talk to another person unless I say it's okay," he spat. Just as I was about to say something I felt a pain across my face as he back handed me. He walked towards the exit before turning around and spitting on me. 

I locked myself in a stall and tried to silence my sobs. I felt my phone vibrate in my purse. It was a text from Ben: _I know you're probably out with Leo but I just wanted to let you know that I miss my best friend. I don't have anyone here to make fun of me because I bought three new pairs of socks today. Miss you, Angel._

Angel. Ben had given that nickname soon after becoming friends. He's always been rather affectionate with his friends, calling them all sorts of loving names but Angel seemed to be reserved solely for me. I looked back down at my phone and I started to cry again, only this time it was for Ben. I missed him, oh God did I miss him. My best friend in the whole world. Leo put a stop to us seeing each other shortly after the first incident so it had been a little over a month since I'd seen him. I didn't want to paint a horrid picture of Leo and cause more drama so I always tried to come up with excuses like I was tired, sick, or working late. I knew he knew it was total shit but I also knew him well enough to know he wasn't about to question me. 

_Maybe I could call him tomorrow after Leo leaves._

I wiped my eyes and straightened my dress and made my way back out into the restaurant. Suddenly I was brought back to reality when I heard my phone ringing. I froze, terrfied it was Leo calling to apologize. He always did the night after. I picked it up and saw, to my surprise, it was Zooey. 

I swallowed and did my best to sound normal. "Hi, Zo! What's up?"

"Would you come down and open your damn door?! I've been knocking for ages and people are starting to think I'm crazy!"

_Oh fuck. I couldn't let her see me like this but there was no time to try to hide it with makeup. Shit._

"Um, Zo, I'm not feeling too good so I don't think it's a good idea for you to come inside."

"Sadie, you gave me chicken pox the night before prom. I think I'll be fine."

I sighed and silently prayed that I could convice her it was no big deal.

"Umm, okay. I'll be down in a minute. I grabbed my dressing gown from the end of bed and padded downstairs. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

Her eyes got wide and she let out a gasp, "Oh my fucking god."

 

 

It took a total of five seconds before I realized she wasn't going to buy whatever excuse I came up with. I was sitting on the edge of my bathtub as she dabbed at my various cuts and scrapes that I received once Leo and I had gotten home. I told her the whole story in between sobs and throwing up from crying so hard. 

"I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner. You can't stay with this fucker, Sadie. You can stay at my place until he's thrown in jail where he belongs." I was huddled in the corner as she held me and rubbed my back. All I could do was nod. "Zooey, please do me one favor."

"Anything."

"Please, please, please don't tell Benedict."

She looked at me unapprovingly but nodded. She and I both knew how he would react, how protective he had become of me. 

"We're gonna get you away from this disgusting pig, I promise."

All I could do was sob in response.

 

Benedict's POV

One whole month. 30 days since I'd seen her and I honestly felt like a part of my soul was dying. I needed to see her, to quiet the little voice in my head that told me something was wrong. She never would've stopped hanging out with me unless someone was forcing her to do so. And that someone was Leo. I just knew it.

When I woke up that morning, I realized I'd had enough. I changed into jeans and the same gray t-shirt she'd seen me wear a million times before running downstairs. I pushed the door open with determination, determination to get my Sadie, my angel, back.

It was starting to drizzle as walked up to her door. I knocked and waited. No answer. I knocked again. The door opened slightly and I saw it was Zooey that answered the door. I was about to say something when I saw the look on her face. The look of pure panic and fear. Now _I_ was starting to panic. Something was wrong. Really, really wrong.

"Zooey? What is it? What's wrong?"

She swallowed and looked back inside, as if she was checking to make sure it was safe.

She stepped out onto the tiny front porch and shut the door behind her.

"I should've known you'd be by soon. Look, Ben I don't think it's a good idea for you to be here right now. She...Sadie's not doing well."

"What the hell is going on?! Why won't anyone talk to me?! Please, for the love of god, just tell me what's wrong!"

"Ben-" _That's it._

I pushed my way past her and flung open the door. "Sadie!! Sadie, where are you love?"

I walked frantically through each room until I realized she wasn't down there so I ran up the stairs, two at a time.

I flung open her bedroom door. I could hear Zooey chasing after me, asking me to come back downstairs. 

I saw her bathroom door was ajar so I pushed it open cautiously.

"Angel?" I heard her gasp slightly. I walked in and she had her back to me. I don't know why, but she quickly wrapped the dressing gown around her. 

"Ben, I really think-"

"I should go," I finished for her. "Yeah, I know, I've already heard that today. Would you please just tell me what the hell is going on? Please, love?"

She was silent and refused to turn around.

"Look at me, Angel, please. Darling, please?" I stepped closer to turn her around. That's when I saw. And that's when I lost it.

The bruises around her eyes and across her cheek were deep purple mixed with blue. When my eyes went lower, I saw there were more bruises on her neck and chest and what was that? Finger prints on her throat? I felt numb but only for a second as the searing, white hot rage set in. My angel was hurting. _This sick, despicable fucker had the nerve to lay a hand on my angel?! I'll kill him._

Ifelt the color drain from my face. Sadie was saying something but I wasn't listening. I was too busy using every ounce of strength I had to whisk her away and lock her in a tower where no one could ever hurt her ever again before hunting down that low life piece of shit like the dog he is.

I could hear her voice bringing me back down to earth. She placed a hand on my shoulder and sat down beside me. When did I sit down?

"Ben please, please talk to me. Look, I know you're angry and disappointed and I'm sorry to disappoint you by not telling you but I was just afra-"

My head snapped up and I took in her words. I couldn't help but feel my heart break even more for her. "Woah woah woah. Angel, stop. Look at me, love. I'm feeling a lot of things right now but not one of those are directed at you. I couldn't possibly be upset with you in any way, shape, or form." I kissed her temple, gently, since there was a bruise there. 

"Let me take you away from here, love. At least until he's put in jail where he belongs."

She smiled up at me and I could see how grateful she was but we both knew she wouldn't go because if she did, she'd have to explain to her parents.

She stood up and walked over to the bathroom counter. I followed behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. She winced and groaned in pain.

 _No fucking way._ I saw the recognition flash across her face. She realized she revealed she was more injured than she led me to believe. I stepped away and ran my hand across my face. 

"Darling, lift up your shirt."

"No." She was firm, stubborn like a child. 

"Lift it. Please, love."

She inhaled as she lifted her shirt so I could see the bruises that covered her stomach. It was swollen in some spots with bruises that were almost black. I wasn't certain, but I think she had a broken rib. I was speechless. Tears fell from her eyes and I wanted to hold her but after seeing how bruised she was, I didn't know where I could touch her that wouldn't hurt.

She walked towards me slowly and wrapped her hands around my waist. She sobbed silently as I kissed the top of her head repeatedly.

"I promise you Angel, I will take care of this, of you. Please just trust me. I will never let him get anywhere near you ever again. She nodded against my chest and I could feel that her tears had soaked through my shirt.

"Can I just ask one thing of you Ben?"

"Anything my love."

"Please, for the love of god, don't tell my parents. Not even Mark or Ian or Martin or Amanda. Please, Ben."

I swallowed nervously. How could I not tell Steven and Sue? She was my angel but she was their baby, their daughter. And she was in serious trouble. 

I looked down at her. She looked so small, almost child like. 

"I don't think I can promise that, love."

Her face fell. She grabbed my hand as she started to beg, "Benedict, please. I don't care if you whisk me away to some far away land and I never come back. I don't give a damn what you do but please, please don't tell them. They worry enough as it is. This will just make things worse. I-we-can handle this. I'll pack my stuff right now if you want me to just please."

"I won't hunt them down and tell them. But, Angel, if they ask me I'm going to have to tell them. I can't-won't lie. Not about this."

She smiled slightly, the first since I got there and she hugged my waist again as she buried her face into my chest.

_Please don't let me regret this._

The next day

I woke up with a horrible pain in my stomach. I'd barely slept. All I could think about my Angel. I knew she was probably getting sick of me calling and texting her constantly but I just had to know she was safe, that she was okay, that she was still breathing. She reassured me every single time that she was but it never quite eased the pain I had in my stomach.

After our talk, I helped her pack some things so she could stay with Zoey for a few days. I made her promise she wouldn't come back alone.

I carried her bags out to her car and hugged her again, inhaling the scent of her shampoo.

She smiled up at me again, this time it was almost a genuine one.

"I'll be fine Cumberbatch, I promise. I promise to call you the second I hear a noise or see a shadow that isn't mine."

I knew she was trying to lighten the mood but I wasn't going to let her get away with it. Not with a situation as serious as this one.

I kissed her forehead and spoke softly, "I love you, Moffat. Forever and always. Take care of yourself, Angel. I need you to be here with me, okay? So for fuck's sake, take care of yourself." She giggled softly. "I'll call you in a few hours to check on you."

She rolled her eyes as she got in her car.

From the moment she left, I couldn't help but feel oh so incredibly guilty. And I knew why. I knew what I had to do. I just hoped she would forgive me.

I rolled out of bed and found my mobile sitting on the kitchen table. I had a text from Sadie: _"Going to my place to pick up a few more things. Call me later?"_ I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I texted back: _"You're not going by yourself, are you?"_

Her response was immediate. _"No. Stop worrying. I won't be gone long then you can go back to hovering over me."_

I went back to the main menu and scrolled through the list of contacts until I found who I was looking for. I pressed the call button. She picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Sue, Hi," I cleared my throat, "It's Benedict. I...uh...I really need to talk to you and Steven."

"Oh, dear do you think it could wait until tomorrow? Mark just got here and they need to work on some scenes for _Doctor Who."_

"No. It's...It's about...Sadie."

"Oh. Right. Yes, of course. Come over any time."

We hung up and I threw on some clothes before heading over to Sue and Steven's. I was a nervous wreck. _How would they react? Would they blame me? Would Sadie be angry with me?_

I was on my motorbike so I was able to zip in and out of traffic easily and made it there in no time. I practically jumped off my bike and ran up the walkway before pounding on the door.

Steven answered.

"Benedict, please come in." He ushered me into the living room. We sat on seperate couches, facing each other. Sue walked in, planted a light kiss on my cheek, and sat down with her husband.

I swallowed and looked down, suddenly much more afraid of telling them than I was a few minutes ago. _I mean, how do you tell someone something like this?_ I took a deep breath and told them the truth about what was really wrong with their baby girl.

Sue broke down in tears but Steven was frozen solid, not moving, expressionless. I knew he was just trying to process what I told him and stay as calm as he could.

"Do you know where she is?"

"She's been staying with Zooey. I think they went back to her flat this morning to get some more of her stuff."

Without another word, he got up, grabbed his keys and looked at the both of us before saying, "Well, are you coming?"

I nodded and followed him outside. He abruptly backed out of the driveway and I followed him to Sadie's flat. 

We arrived in no time and I couldn't help but wonder how he even had time to put the car in park because he was out of it so quickly. He opened the door and stopped suddenly.

What I saw scared the living shit out of me. Broken glass was everywhere. Picture frames were shattered, even the vase of flowers she kept on the small table by the door were smashed. We walked into the living room and that's when I saw her. Her coffee table was destroyed. She was lying on top of it, unconscious. She was bleeding from her head. Her eyes were swollen shut. It flashed through my mind that if her ribs weren't broken before, they most certainly were now. Her hair was matted to her face, presumably from tears or blood. She was curled into the fetal position and her clothes were torn and tattered. 

I heard Sue cry out and run over to her. Steven pulled out his mobile and dialed 999. I fell backwards against the bookcase. Suddenly my sturdy knees weren't so sturdy anymore. I fell to the ground and began to sob harder than I ever had. My Angel. My beautiful, sweet Angel. She was dying, I just knew it, and there was nothing I could do to save her. This was all my fault. How was I ever going to be able to face Sue and Steven again? How could I go on without Sadie? I already knew the answer to that: I couldn't.

I heard Sue confirm my worst fear: she wasn't breathing. In that moment, I wasn't so sure I was either. I couldn't do this, I wouldn't. I couldn't lose her, not like this.

Moments later the ambulance arrived and rushed inside. They assessed her injuries as best as they could before carefully placing her on the gurney. I somehow managed to pick myself up off the ground and stumbled outside. It felt like my head was spinning. I couldn't feel my legs but I could feel my heart as it broke and crumbled around me.

This time I couldn't pick myself up off the sidewalk but someone else did. Unfamiliar hands placed me in a car I soon recognized as Steven's.

_God, please just take this pain away but please, please don't take my angel away._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is okay after last chapter! There aren't as many triggering events in this chapter  
> As always, thanks so much for reading and comments, questions, and suggestions are always welcome.

Benedict's POV

I'm not entirely sure how we got to the hospital. All I could see was Sadie, beaten and broken. All I could do was pray that she made it out of this alive. If I didn't want to kill Leo before this, I surely did now.

I staggered into the emergency room just as I saw the gerney roll by with Sadie. She looked so small, yet swollen. Bloody and bruised and there was nothing I could do to make her feel better. I felt like I was going to throw up. Steven and I sat down in the waiting room but we didn't say a word to each other. We were too busy silently praying.

Eventually he broke the silence by saying quietly, "How long?"

"I dunno. I found out yesterday."

He nodded and bent over as he put his head in his hands. A few minutes later, Sue walked somberly into the waiting room.

She managed to get out, "She's in surgery. Will be for awhile. Doctors say her injuries are very serious," then she started to cry. Steven held her as I got up to find a bathroom. Now I really felt like I was going to be sick. I barely made it to a stall before everything came to the surface. Once I was finished, I started to cry again. _She has to be okay. She just has to._ I pulled myself together so I could call Zooey.

She answered on the fourth ring and immediately heard the panic in her voice, "Ben! What the hell?! Where's Sadie? I can't get her to answer her phone."

I took a few deep breaths then I remembered that Sadie had told me that she wasn't alone when she went back to her flat.

"Wait, are you telling me you let her go back to her flat by herself?" 

I could feel the frustration rise to the surface.

She shock in her voice was apparent, "What?! What are you talking about?! She told me she was going to get bagels and would be back soon. That was almost two hours ago. What's going on?"

How was I going to say this? If I said it, that would make all of this real. I swallowed as I choked out, "She's in the hospital. She went back to her flat by herself to get some stuff. Leo was there and..."

I could hear her start to cry. She mumbled, "Ben please..."

"It's bad, Zo. Really bad. She was unconscious when we found her. Wasn't even breathing. She's in surgery right now."

By this time Zooey's quiet crying became loud sobs. When she finally stopped she told me she would be there as soon as she could and hung up.

I picked myself up off the bathroom floor and made my way back to the waiting room.

 

 

Two hours later a doctor came out to tell us she was in recovery. I could see the look in his eyes. It was filled with worry.

"Mr. and Mrs. Moffat, your daughter is doing just fine. Her injuries are quite serious though. She'll have quite a significant recovery time. Aside from the obvious bruises, we found she had three broken ribs and a severe concussion. The surgery was to repair her right lung, which had collapsed. She's in good hands now though. But there is something you should know..."

_Oh shit._

"During the surgery, we...uh...we lost her for a few minutes. She's stable now but there's no telling when she'll wake up." Steven and Sue nodded numbly and thanked the doctor. Steven leaned over and kissed Sue's temple. "I'll call everyone," I heard him whisper in her ear, "It's going to be okay, darling. She's going to make it through this." Sue started to cry again and it was all I could do not to join her.

 

Three Days Later

I felt someone nudge my shoulder. I shot up in hopes that it was Sadie. It looked around to see it was Martin.

"Jesus, you scared the shit out of me."

He smiled sheepishly at me and said, "Sorry, mate. How is she?"

I looked over to my Angel. It had been three whole days and she still wasn't awake. She hadn't even budged. I know the doctors said she was stable but I was really starting worry.

"Doctors say she'll be fine. Long recovery time though."

He frowned and looked down at his shoes.

"Have you even left? You look like shit."

It had been a while since I'd gotten a good night's sleep and sleeping in hospital chairs certainly wasn't comfortable so I wasn't really in the mood for Martin's usual saracastic comments.

"No," I sighed, "I'm not going anywhere until she wakes up. Sue and I trade off shifts. She tells me to go home when I'm not on duty but I usually just find an empty seat in the waiting room and sleep."

He nodded then looked off to the other side of the room. I could tell he wanted to say something but he was trying to tread carefully.

"What?"

He looked at me puzzled. "Hmm?"

"I know that look, Martin. Go ahead and say whatever it is you're trying not to say."

He sighed and pulled a chair over. He placed his hand on my shoulder and looked at me with an expression that resembled pity.

"What's really going on, mate? I know you two are friends but this," he gestured at my messy appearance, "is something more than what a friend would do."

I sighed and put my head in my hands. "It's all my fault, Martin. I should've made her stay with me instead. I should've made sure she had someone with her when she went back to her flat. I should've told Sue and Steven earlier. If I had just...she wouldn't be here." 

"Oh mate, it's not your fault. No one blames you. You did the absolute best you could. She was safe with Zooey. She shouldn't have lied and gone back to her flat by herself. You did the right thing telling Sue and Steven. I mean, what if you had waited? She could've **_died_**. If you hadn't told them when you did, she wouldn't be here on this planet **_at all_**. You've got to stop blaming yourself, Benedict. No one else does."

"I just...I can't. I know she would smack the shit out of me if she was awake and knew how I felt. In fact, that's what I want. That's all I want: for her to wake up and slap me and tell me what an idiot I'm being."

"She will. I promise you, she will. She's one of the toughest people I know. She's not going anywhere."

There was a quiet knock on the door. It was Amanda. She smiled at me before coming over and giving me a hug.

"I'm really sorry, but Martin and I need to get going if he's going to make his flight." 

His arms enveloped me in a hug and he whispered, "She'll be back soon, mate. And I'll make sure that when she does, she kicks your arse for this ridiculous behavior." I managed a weak smile and wave as they left.

I took her hand in mine and stroked it softly.

"Please, Angel. Please come back to me. I-we-need you here. You can't leave us. Not yet," I whispered.

Angel. I flashed back to the day I gave her the nickname. I went with her parents and Mark to pick her up at her office for an early dinner. We were in the area filming and they needed the time to catch up. The office secretary led us back to her office. Sadie was sitting at her desk writing something when she looked up and flashed that brilliant smile of hers. I lived for that smile. It made her whole face light up. I watched as Steven walked around her desk and planted a kiss on her cheek. She stood up and gave each of us hugs. Suddenly, a little boy came running through the room and wrapped his arms around her waist. He only came up to her belly button and looked to be around seven. He smiled up at her as he spoke, "Guess what! I got an A! I got an A on my spelling test!" She beamed down at him and kissed the top of his head.

"That's fantastic, Sam! I'm so proud of you! I knew you could do it! You know what happens to the boys and girls that get good grades?" He shook his head. "They get candy!"

He giggled and let go of her waist so they could walk around to the other side of her desk. She opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a large bag of candy. Just as he was about to shove his hand in the bag, she stopped him. "You know, because I'm _so_ proud of you, I think someone as special as you should get _two_ pieces of candy." He smiled at her once more as a taller boy walked in. He looked around 12 years old and identical to the younger boy. 

She looked up and smiled at him. "What about you, Tyler? Do you have good news for me?"

He looked down at his feet the back up at her. Her expression fell slightly.

"Well, that's okay Tyler. There's always next time."

"Oh you're right, but," he whipped a paper out of his back pocket, "I got a B." Her eyes got wide as she pulled him in for a hug.

"I am so, so proud of you!"

He started to blush as he looked down at his feet. She nudged him with her arm and said playfully, "You get candy too."

The boys got their candy as Sadie grabbed her things. Suddenly they were pulling her down the hallway so she could talk to the woman sitting in the plastic waiting room chair. I laughed and saw that Mark, Steven, and Sue were smiling in her direction.

"Incredible, isn't it?"

We all turned our heads to see a short, older woman with larger hips and short brown hair. She had glasses perched on top of her head.

Steve spoke first, "What's that?"

She grinned and motioned towards Sadie and the boys. "Your daughter. She's a miracle worker. We're all jealous of her! I don't know what it is about her, but she just has _this way_ with kids. She's the most sought after doctor in the practice."

I saw Sue and Steven beam with pride. "Thank you, that's so very kind of you," replied Sue.

We walked slowly down the hallway and I observed just how talented she really was with the boys. You could see the adoration in their eyes and she more than returned it. A large blonde woman stood up from her seat and told the boys, "Alright you two, we need to get going. I'm sure Dr. Moffat has somewhere to be." Both boys ran to hug her. She kissed the tops of each of their heads. She pulled away and looked down to say, "I'll see you boys on Monday, okay?"

They both nodded. The younger one, Sam, spoke first, "Okay, Mummy!" She looked a little stunned for a split second as he ran off towards the elevator. Tyler smiled at her and said, "Bye, Mum," before joining the blonde woman and Sam at the elevator.

I looked at Mark, Sue, and Steven and they all had the same look on their faces as I did on mine. The older woman from the other end of the hall smiled at us and shook her head. "Don't worry, it's not uncommon for her kids to call her that. She's what these kids need the most: a mum. She takes care of each and every single one of them. In all honesty, she's all these kids have. She's like the sunshine in the darkness of each of their lives. Some would even say she was an Angel."

I grinned and looked down. It didn't surprise me that people thought of her that way. I knew from the first time I met her: she's just one of those people that you can't help but feel touched by.

Sadie walked over with an amused look on her face. She giggled and said, "Why do you guys have that expression on your faces?"

Mark spoke first, "No reason, love. Shall we go?" She nodded and we made our way to the elevator.

We walked to the restaraunt since it was only two blocks away. She tugged me over and we linked arms. "You gonna tell me what that look was for in there?"

All I could was grin. "Nothing, Angel."

"Angel?"

"Mhm."

"Why that name?"

"It suits you."

She laughed and replied, "Whatever you say, Cumberbatch."

We were quiet for awhile before we spoke again.

I sighed, "Those kids were cute."

She smiled and nodded. "Absolutely precious. They have a tough life though. Abusive father, absentee mother. No one was ever there to take care of them, to love them, and make them feel safe. School has always been an issue for both of them since no one was ever around to teach them basic skills so that's why I always make a big fuss when they do well on something. They were taken out of the care of their parents a few months ago. They're in a boys' home now."

I felt my heart break a little for them.

"They adore you," I stated. She looked off into the distance and quietly said, "The feeling's mutual. I'd take them home if I could."

I was brought back to reality by a nurse coming in to take her vitals.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw a text message from Olivia. 

I opened it and read, _"I know you're at the hospital but is there any possible way you could get away for little while? I think we need to talk."_

Oh shit. She'd been back in London for a few months now and despite the fact that we still lived in the the same flat, it felt like we were total strangers. When she got back from Birmingham she told me she wanted to work on the relationship. I really tried for the first two months but I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that no matter what I did, she still wasn't who I wanted to be with. I could tell she didn't approve of how much time I spent with Sadie and she certainly didn't like the fact that I haven't left her side in days but I didn't care. This was my Angel. And she needed me.

_"Can't today. I'll let you know when I'm free."_

I knew it wasn't the answer she wanted to hear but if I was being honest with myself, I stopped caring about what she wanted a long time ago.

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and slipped my other hand back into Sadie's.

I would stay here until she came back to me. 

I must've fallen asleep because I felt another pair of hands on me, waking me up. I looked up and saw Steven.

He looked somber and stressed. "Go home, Ben. I'll stay with her. Take a shower. Eat a real meal and sleep in an actual bed." I started to protest but he stopped me. "I'll call you the second something changes, I promise."

I could wiggle my way out of things when it came to dealing with Sue but Steven was another matter. I knew I didn't have another choice. I nodded and reached for my coat.

I took a taxi back to my flat. I somehow managed to make it up the stairs. Steven was right. I needed a shower. I don't know how long I was in there but I suddenly felt the water get cold. I dressed myself without really paying attention to what I put on and stumbled into the kitchen to find something to eat. When I was done, I carried myself to bed and fell into a deep sleep, the first in days. 

I was awoken by the sound of my phone ringing. The clock on my nightstand read 3:15 am. I reached for my phone and saw Steven's name on the caller ID. I answered, terrfied something was wrong.

"Benedict?"

"Yes, yes what is it? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything is fine. She's..uh...she's awake."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks so much for continuing to read this odd little story that all came from a dream. I am so thankful to each and every one of you for stopping by to read it.  
> I'm a college student and my classes start back tomorrow so I don't know how frequently I'll be posting but I'm promise to do it as often as I possibly can.  
> Thanks again so much and I hope you all enjoy :)

_Awake. My angel was awake._ I bit my lip to keep myself from crying before responding, "Th...Thank you. How is she?"

He sighed before he spoke, "She's doing okay. In a lot of pain though. Doctors and nurses are in there now taking her vitals, asking her questions, and trying to get in her comfortable."

I winced. I couldn't bear the thought of her being in pain. I softly asked, "Does she...does...does she remember?"

Steven's voice cracked as he mumbled, "No."

I thanked him again and hung up. I laid back down, trying to calm the nerves in my stomach and the rushing thoughts in my head. I wanted to see her but the truth was I was fucking terrified. What if she hated me? What if she blamed me? Or even worse, what if she never wanted to see me again? I groaned and rolled over to look out the window.

I woke up later again that morning. The fears from last night came rushing back before my feet even hit the floor. I knew I wasn't ready to see her, ready to face what was my fault. I spent the entire day trying to distract myself but nothing worked. I waded through hundreds of emails, returned calls, and even managed to read over a few scripts. Even with all of these distractions, nothing, and I mean nothing, could stop me from think about my angel. It still managed to pass the time though because when my phone rang, I was startled to see it was nearly 6 pm. I answered without really paying attention to who it was. 

"Hello?"

"Benedict! Where the hell are you?!"

Mark Gatiss. Should've known.

"I...um...what do you mean?"

"Why aren't you here? I figured you'd be the first one to arrive once she woke up."

Oh.

"I'm, uh, quite busy at the moment, Mark."

"Benedict, you and I both know that's a lie. Are you going to tell me voluntarily or am I going to force it out of you?"

I sighed. When it came to Mark, I knew I didn't have a choice.

"I just...can't. I can't Mark."

"Why the bloody hell not? You've been by her side since she got here and now that she's no longer unconcious, you're suddenly terrified of her?"

I waited. He'd figure it out. If Mark was anything, it was brilliant.

He gasped and I could hear the recognition over the phone. "Oh. Oh, I see. You really are scared. Benedict-"

"Don't, Mark. Don't, please. I just can't face-"

My voice was starting to hitch as I began fighting back tears. I finished quietly, "I can't face her. I know she hates me."

His typical Mark response would be full of sarcasam but that all faded away.

"Benedict, please be reasonable. Sadie could never hate you. None of this is your fault and she would tell you the same thing. Did you raise your hand to her? Did you give her those bruises? No, you didn't. Leo did. You did what you could to protect her and you did the right thing telling Sue and Steven. No one, I mean **_no one_** , blames you at all. I know you love Sadie and she needs _**you**_ Ben. She doesn't want to see anyone but you. You've been her only concern since she's woken up."

That made my heart hurt more than it already did. My angel needed me.

"I'll...try. Just give me...I need some time."

I heard him sigh, obviously disappointed in himself for not convincing me to go sooner, but he just didn't get it. No one did.

I hung up and ran my hand over my face as I sighed out of frustration. I got up and headed into the kitchen to pour a glass of whiskey. My angel needed me but right now, I needed to stop thinking.

 

 

When I woke up again, it was nearly 11 am. I sat up and winced as I felt a headache approach. It came from the whiskey and crying myself to sleep last night. I tried to stop thinking about Sadie and what she would say to me once I saw her again but somehow my thoughts always went back to her.

My phone began ringing. I reached for it and was surprised to see Olivia's name on the screen. I swallowed, knowing I couldn't avoid this-or her- for much longer.

"Hello?"

"Ben, hi, it's...um, Olivia."

Obviously I knew that considering I had caller ID but I decided I wasn't in the mood to be a smart ass right now. 

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I heard Sadie woke up. Have you seen her?"

For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I was too scared to go.

I squeaked out, "No, not yet."

"Oh. Well, I'm on my way to your flat. I think it's time we finally talk. You keep giving me the run-around for some reason and I just...I can't do this anymore. I'll be there in 10 minutes."

_Fuck. I'm not in the mood for this._

I stuttered, "Okay."

She was right. She'd been back for three months. She moved out of our flat and in with her sister while we tried to salvage what was left of the relationship, although there wasn't much left to salvage.

I got up and jumped in the shower. When I got out ten minutes later, I found Olivia in the kitchen making tea. She set the kettle down and smiled at me softly, yet cautiously. I could still see the pain in her eyes. No matter how much she tried to hide it, I always saw how sad she really was. That sadness had been there for months and it was all my fault.

_Just add it to the list, Cumberbatch._

_  
_I sat down on the bar stool while she stood on the other side of the kitchen island. She sighed and rested on her elbow. I was too scared to speak.

She took a deep breath before she spoke, "I've been trying to figure out the best way to go about this for months now and nothing ever comes to mind." She took my hand in her and continued, "You know I love you Benedict. I wouldn't have stuck around this long if I didn't. But you...you don't feel the same way." I started to protest but she threw her hand up to stop me. "Let me get this out. You have been my whole world for nine years. I have always been there for you, holding your hand and reassuring you that everything was going to be fine. I've waited patiently while you've traveled the world working and trying to find yourself." Her eyes were brimming with tears and she kept talking, "But Ben, I just...I can't be that person for you anymore. You haven't been that person for me for quite some time and the thing is, I don't think you want to be. And I don't think you want me to be that person for you anymore. It hurts like hell to have to sit here and tell you this but not as much as it does to sit here and watch you fall more and more out of love with me everyday. I love you, God knows I do, but I just **_can't do this_** anymore. I want to be married and have children and I know you want the same thing but it's obvious that we're not going to do that together. It used to hurt, ya know? To think about that: how you didn't really want your future to be with me," she sighed before continuing, "but I guess I've become rather numb now."

Tears were streaming silently down her face as I felt a huge lump form in my throat.

Finally I spoke, "Liv, I...I just... I'm so sorry. This is how I wanted to end this. I didn't want you to have to be the one to do it. But you're right. I am so ubelievably sorry for dragging this out, for all the pain I've caused you. It was...it was never my intention." She couldn't look me in the eye as she walked over to the living room and grabbed a bag that I hadn't noticed before. She must've packed it while I was in the shower. It was filled with the few things she left behind when she moved out.

She walked over quietly and placed a chaste kiss on my check before continuing on to the door. She reached for the handle then stopped and turned around to look at me.

"Ben?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't wait too long. To tell her," she murmured

I looked at her with a puzzled expression. "What? What are you...?"

She looked at me with an expression that resembled pity. "Ben. You know who and you know exactly what I'm talking about."

I looked down as I tried to figure out what she was referring to. She left and closed the door quiety behind her.

Then it hit me.

She knew before I did.

I was in love with Sadie Moffat. And I had been since that summer night in May in that rickety old pub.

I laughed out loud at myself. 

_Jesus, I really am pathetic._

That's when I knew what I had to do. I abandoned my cup of tea as I lunged for my keys and hastily ran down the stairs and into the frigid air of the November night.

 

I arrived at the hospital thirty minutes later. I frantically ran towards the lift, my anxiety causing me to obnoxiously press the button multiple times as if it would make it appear any faster. It finally arrived and I stepped inside pushing the button to the floor she was on with much more vigor than necessary.

I stepped out onto her floor and began racing towards her room. Outside there was a crowd gathered. I saw Martin, Amanda, and Mark huddled together in what looked like a serious conversation. Martin spotted me first and smiled. He stepped forward and gripped my shoulder with his hand before wrapping me in hug. "It's about time, mate," he whispered. I took a step back and saw Amanda had tears in her eyes. Mark grinned at me, "She's been asking for you."

I suddenly got really nervous and they must've all sensed it because they all looked at me with sympathy. Martin's hand returned to my shoulder. "Easy, mate."

Martin walked towards her door and knocked lightly. I heard him say, "Sadie, you've got a visitor."

_Put one foot in front of the other, Benedict. Jesus, it's not that hard._

I felt Mark push me forward a little. I walked into her room cautiously, scared of what I would see or how she would react. I saw Sue's eyes soften and a smile break out. She got up, planted a kiss on top of Sadie's head, and winked at me as she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Through all of this, Sadie never took her eyes off me. I couldn't read her expression and it frustrated me but not as much as the tears that were streaming down my face.

 

Sadie's POV

He may be the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen but in that moment, he looked like complete and utter shit.

My mum came over to kiss my head before leaving. I could see Martin, Amanda, and Mark all hovering in the doorway. All of them had goofy looks on their faces. Mum closed the door behind her, winking at me as she did so. 

The look on Benedict's face made me want to hold him and protect him from the rest of the world for as long as possible. He was crying but he wouldn't look me straight in the eyes.

"Oh, Ben." That's all I had to say before he crossed to the chair on the other side of my bed and crumbled. He laid his head down on my bed as he sobbed. I ran my fingers through his silky curls as I massaged his scalp and shushed him.

"Listen to me, Benedict Cumberbatch. You, my love, are a total fucking idiot. I couldn't possibly blame you for any of this. It was my fault for lying to you and going back alone. It was my fault for not getting help sooner. And most importantly, it's Leo's fault for all of this," I said as I gestured around me. "You are my best friend and the only thing I'm angry with you for is you not being here sooner. I adore you and nothing could ever change that. So please, please stop blaming yourself for this."

He looked up at me with red, puffy eyes. He gave me a child-like smile and nodded. 

"Come here, love," I whispered as I motioned for him to come closer. He crawled into the tiny hospital bed with me, which was difficult considering how tall he was. We wrapped our arms around each other and tangled our legs together. I could tell he was trying to be gentle and I loved him for it. I pressed soft kisses to his temple as he rubbed small circles on my shoulder. We stayed like that for the entire afternoon, taking naps, telling stories, and just enjoying each other's company. I forgot how muched I missed being with him.

7 pm rolled around and visiting hours were over. I was, thankfully, being released tomorrow so he promised me profusely he would be here, on time, to help take me home. I laughed at him, knowing he wouldn't be on time, no matter how hard he tried. 

The next morning, at around 10 am, my doctor came in and gave me the all-clear to go home. Mum helped me take a shower while we waited on Benedict to arrive. Twenty minutes later, he came rushing through the door, with that same ol' flushed look he got when he was late. He grinned at me as I wrapped my arms around his waist. A nurse arrived a few minutes later with a wheelchair. I carefully sat down. Benedict asked if he could drive but the nurse just laughed and pushed me towards the lift.

Waiting outside was my dad, holding the door open. He smiled at me and I could see the stress that had been painted across his face slowly melt away. Mum helped me into the car but Benedict insisted he sit in the back seat with me. I didn't mind. 

My parents tried to convince me to stay with them until I was healed but I insisted I would be better off in my own flat. It's not like I was ever going to get the chance to be scared because I was never going to be alone again if my parents had anything to say about it. They tried to protest but it was no use. 

They told me when I woke up that Leo was found at a mate's house shortly after I was discovered and was promptly arrested. That made me feel better but it didn't seem to do anything for my parents.

I walked into my flat and felt surprisingly calm. No one else did though. I could sense them all tense up as they crossed the threshold.

I grabbed Ben's hand and whispered, "It's okay, love. I'm alright." He softened slightly.

I walked into the living room and saw Martin and Mark sitting on my couch, talking animatedly. Amanda was in the kitchen. She looked up from whatever she was doing and a big smile spread across her face. Martin and Mark stopped their conversation to rush over and give me (gentle) hugs. I had never felt so loved in my entire life.

I looked around saw a dozen different bouquets of flowers and various balloons. 

Dad noticed my discovery and grinned at me. "Looks like a lot of people really love you. There are some from people at the firm, even some clients. Matt and David both sent you some as well. Loo of course. Nana is bringing Louis and Joshua over later and I'm sure she'll have some."

I felt myself tear up but I shook my head to will the tears away. There had been enough tears in the last few days and I was tired of it, even if they were happy tears.

I felt my mum place her hand on the small of my back and guide me towards my couch. "Sit, dear. You're really not supposed to be on your feet for long." 

I rolled my eyes. _Here we go._

I sat on the L shaped couch with my dad and Benedict on either side of me. I rested my head against dad's shoulder and placed my feet in Benedict's lap. Ben started to massage my feet while everyone chattered around me. A few minutes later I started to feel my head throb and sharp pains in my stomach. I must've had a pain stricken look on my face because Benedict got up quietly and retrieved my pain medication. Moments later, I was starting to doze in and out. I could hear the laughter as they all told embarrassing stories about me and I could feel my dad press kisses on the top of my head. I'm not sure how long I was out but I could feel large hands on me gently shaking me awake. I opened my eyes to see Benedict hold out his hand for me to take. I rose off the couch slowly and he guided me upstairs. Mum and Amanda were waiting in my bedroom with a fresh pair of pajamas.

I started to head towards the loo but I felt Benedict grab my hand. 

Amanda gave us a knowing smile before saying, "We'll give you two a minute." I laughed as she grabbed mum by the sleeve and drug her downstairs.

"I wish I could stay, Angel, but I have a flight later tonight and I haven't even begun to pack." He wrapped his arms around me as he placed his lips on the top of my head. "I'm so glad you're home, love. I'll be back in a few days, I promise," he whispered. I inhaled his scent and felt a small smile break out across my face. He smelled of leather and mint toothpaste with a vague hint of his cologne. It was completely intoxicating and delicious.

I pulled away to look at him. "Miss you already, Cumberbatch."

He grinned and kissed me chastely on my cheek. He turned and walked downstairs. I couldn't help but notice how graceful he was with a twinge of awkwardness every so often. It was adorable and endearing. 

I didn't have have long to admire him though because I was snapped out of my trance by a sudden urge to throw up. I rushed to the bathroom, barely arriving in time to throw up any and everything I'd eaten in the past two days.

When I finished, I wiped my mouth and brushed my teeth.

I started to change my clothes. As I was taking off my bra I couldn't help but notice how sensitive my breasts were. It was never a problem I had experienced before.

_I couldn't possibly be...not after what he did...fucking hell. Think, Moffat. When was your last period?_

I did the math in my head.

 _Please, God, no_. I started to panic as I reached for my mobile lying on the bed.

She didn't answer so I was forced to leave her a message.

"Zooey, hey it's me. I need to ask you for a favor. I need you to bring me something when you come over tomorrow. Call me back."

_Don't panic, Moffat. Not until you know for sure._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter today but I knew I couldn't leave you guys on that cliffhanger for long :)  
> This chapter does have some triggering events so beware.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth._

_This isn't working. Shit._

I heard Zooey sit down next to me on the side of my bathtub. 

"Look, I highly doubt you are. I mean, considering the kind of damage he did and the fact that the doctors didn't say anything? I think I'm gonna go with no."

I gave her a weak smile but I knew I wasn't going to believe anything until I saw the results for myself. We sat in silence for the last minute before the alarm went off on my phone.

I took in a shakey breath and walked over to the bathroom counter.

_1...2...3..._

Zooey looked at me anxiously. "Well...?!"

I didn't want to say it. If I said it, then it would be real.

"I...I'm...It's..." was all I could manage to get out before I collapsed on the floor. I was crying to much to hear her reaction but I had a feeling it was the same as mine. She held me for what felt like hours. 

Bless her, she was trying her best to calm me down, but we both knew you couldn't just calm down when you find out you're carrying your abusive ex-boyfriend's child.

"Zooey, I can't do this. I'm not ready to be a mother. Not to his child. I'll never be able to face my parents. Or Ben."

Ben. How was I going to tell him this? He was more than livid when he found out that Leo had been hitting me but I never told him, or anyone for that matter, about the non consensual sex. I figured it would be best to deal with one bomb at a time.

I noticed Zooey had an uncomfortable look on her face. I knew that look. It meant she wanted to say something but she was too scared, a rarity for her.

I wiped away the tears and snot and looked at her.

"Go ahead and say whatever it is you're too scared to."

She looked uncomfortable but proceded anyways.

"Are...are you sure you want to keep it? No one would have to know but me. You can move on with your life. I know you want to be a mum someday but I don't think this is it. You and I both know none of us could bare to look at this child without seeing Leo and all that he's done to you."

I knew she was right. I couldn't wait to have children of my own but I didn't think it would happen this way. I wasn't ready. There was still so much I wanted to do. And as much as I hated myself for it, the thought of carrying Leo's child...repulsed me. I know that most women automatically fall in love with their kids the second they hear the big news but all I felt was sick.

We sat on the floor for two hours discussing the best plan. As much as I knew it was going to hurt emotionally, I knew what I had to do. I just couldn't...I couldn't carry Leo's child. Not after what he did to me. Zooey wiped away my tears and got up to go make tea while I called the doctor.

_Two Days Later_

Benedict was coming back today and I knew he would rush over to see me before he even made it back to his own flat. He texted and called me constantly while he was away if it wasn't me he was talking to, it was my parents or Zooey. All I could do was laugh at him. What can I say? He's adorable when he's worried.

It was an early Tuesday morning and Zooey left to go pick up my medications from the chemist. I was in the kitchen rummaging through my cabinets trying to find something to eat when I heard the front door open and Benedict call out, "Helllloooo? Anyone home?"

I orginally planned on not telling anyone about the pregnancy or my appointment on Friday for an abortion, especially Benedict, but I could tell he knew something was wrong the second he walked into the kitchen.

"Angel? What's wrong?"

I did my best to give him a reassuring smile. "Nothing. Just tired," I said as he came up behind me to wrap his hands lightly around my waist and plant a kiss on the top of my head.

I attempted to change the subject.

"How was your trip?"

"Eh, boring work stuff. Negotiantions and stuff. Glad to be home though. I missed you so much."

"I wish I could say the same but you really didn't give me the chance to miss you considering your need to be in constant contact," I said as turned to wink at him.

He moved to sit on a stool on the other side of the kitchen island. 

"Tea?"

He nodded before inquiring, "Are you sure you're okay?"

I rolled my eyes as I turned on the stove. "Yes, you twit. Stop asking, I promise I'm fine. Jesus, Cumberbatch. Do you need a drink or something?"

He laughed that deep, throaty laugh that made me weak.

"Actually, I would love one. I can't wait until you're better and off your meds so we can go get absolutely fucking pissed."

 _Oh shit_ , I thought as I poured the hot water into our cups.

"I, uh, don't think that'll be happening anytime soon."

He scoffed and replied, "Why? Can't handle the awesomeness that is a night out with me?"

I sat my cup down and looked down at the floor before lifting my head slightly to look at him. I wasn't going to say. I couldn't.

"What? Angel, what are you...?" _Give it a second._ His face went white as he sat his cup down. "Jesus. Please tell me...you're not...are you...?"

I looked down at the floor again, scared to look at him. 

"Don't do that. Look at me." I lifted my head slowly. "Are you...?" I nodded slightly. "I'm not k...keeping it though. I can't. I just can't. I...uh...I've got an appointment on Friday."

He stood up suddenly and threw his mug across the room. It hit the wall and shattered.

The sound of the breaking glass brought back too many bad memories. Suddenly I couldn't catch my breath. I kept seeing spots in my vision as I backed away slowly and slid down the refrigerator. I felt arms around me that were far too skinny and dainty to belong to Benedict. I looked up to see Zooey kneeling beside me.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Benedict. What the fuck is your problem?! You can't do stuff like that around her! Not after what she's been through. Are you fucking crazy?!"

I looked up in time to see the shock register across his face. His jaw dropped and he got even paler. 

"Oh god, Angel I'm so sorry. Please, God. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear. I-"

"Benedict, I think I think you should go."

"Please, just-"

I felt Zooey tense up as she spoke firmly, " **Now.** "

I could see his face fall and his shoulders slump as he back away.

She knelt back down to wrap her arms around me again.

I couldn't get the look on his face out of my mind.

"He...he...he hates me," I sobbed.

She started stroking my hair as she shushed me.

"Now I've heard you say a lot of dumb things, Sadie Moffat, but that has got to be the dumbest. That man that just walked out of here could never, ever hate you. Do you not see the way he looks at you? He looks at you like you are the stars and the moon and everything else that is beautiful in the world."

We sat there for a few more minutes before she got up to find a broom to clean up the broken mug.

_Friday Night_

_Benedict's POV_

I hadn't talked to Sadie since I had a meltdown in her kitchen and I was going absolutely insane. This woman was driving me bonkers and we weren't even married. I was too scared of what she would say and I was even more scared that _she_ was scared of me.

I was still angry with myself for the way I acted. I had no right to get mad at her for something like that. She obviously didn't plan it. But underneath that layer of anger was jealousy. If I was being completely honest with myself, I had to control myself everytime she came near me. I took everything I had not to rip her clothes off and kiss away each bruise and scar. I found myself going hard every time she pressed her body against mine for a hug or we cuddled on the couch. It was getting more and more difficult to hide it. The truth of the matter was that I wanted that to be my child she was carrying. I knew that was strange considering we were just friends but the thing is...we weren't. I'd been in love with her since the night I met her and I only fell deeper with every breath she took. And it was time I tell her.

It was Friday night. _She'd be home, right? Oh fucking hell, just go over there, Cumberbatch._

I reached for my keys and bounded down the stairs.

 

I'd gotten to Sadie's flat in 20 minutes, a new record, and ran up the steps to knock on her door a little harder than I should've. Zooey answered the door.

"Figures," she mumbled.

"How's she doing?"

Her facial expression softened slightly. "She's asleep. Doctor said exhaustion was to be expected. She's been having cramps, which is normal. Would you like to come in?"

I nodded before entering her flat.

I walked in the living room to see my Angel asleep on the couch. Zooey collapsed on the couch. I could tell she was exhausted too. God knows how long she had been here.

"Zo, why don't you go home? I can stay with her."

"No I should really-"

"Please, Zooey. Let me take care of her. You've done more than enough."

She eyed me with a wary expression before agreeing. She told me all the things to look out for in case something went wrong. I assured her everything was going to be fine. I walked over to Sadie on the couch and slid my hands underneath her body to lift her up. I carried her upstairs to her bedroom, silently wishing I could join her. I looked down at her. She looked so peaceful and serene. She'd been through so much in the past few weeks and my heart ached for her.

"Good night, Angel. I...I love you." We had a lot to talk about, that was for sure. I knew I couldn't go on without telling her but it could wait. Right now, my Angel needed rest. I pushed her hair aside to kiss her forehead before turning out the light.

Sadie's POV

I woke up in a dark room. I frantically felt around for a light switch. I felt a lamp and turned it on. I was still in the sweats that I'd been wearing all day. 

_How the hell did I get in my room? I remember falling asleep on the couch and I know Zooey can't lift me._

_  
_I got up and padded quietly downstairs. There was a light on in the living room. I walked in slowly and quietly. I expected to see Zooey or maybe my dad but to my surprise it was...Benedict.

He was passed out in the very spot I was earlier. He wore jeans and my favorite gray t-shirt. I had never noticed how child-like he looked when he slept. It was so fucking cute. I grinned down at him while reaching for a blanket. I laid it on top of him and and brushed a curl away from his forehead before placing a kissing on his temple. I turned the lamp off and went back upstairs, smiling as I thought of his precious face while he slept and just how much I wanted to fall asleep looking at it for the rest of my life.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter again today but it was highly requested that a new chapter be posted.  
> Please don't hate me! I swear I'm not intentionally trying to destroy your feelings. Expect a longer chapter tomorrow!
> 
> Enjoy :)

_Someone turn off that God-awful light._

I winced as I opened my eyes. Oh, nevermind. It was just the sun. I groaned and rolled over and tried to will myself back to sleep. I must've laid there for half an hour before I decided my efforts were pointless. I got out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. I couldn't help but notice that I was feeling better than I had in weeks. I didn't wake up with my usual headache, my bruises were fading, and I could practically feel my ribs mending themselves back together. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I padded downstairs quietly, careful not to wake Benedict.

I found him still sleeping soundly on the couch, looking peaceful and innocent. I giggled quietly before continuing on, doing my best to stay quiet while I made tea. As I was reaching for a mug, I felt a large hand settle on the small of my back as another reached up to grab the mug that was a tad too high.

Jesus, how can someone so tall move so quietly? I didn't even hear him get up.

I turned to look at him. Jesus, he was beautiful. Sometimes when he looked at me, I could swear I would forget how to breathe. Despite his obvious beauty, I was still furious with him. The way he reacted was completely unacceptable and I planned to make sure he knew it. I looked at him sternly to convey the message that this he was in serious trouble. When he noticed the expression on my face, he looked down, embarassed. 

_Yeah, that's right, arsehole._

"Ben, I think we need to talk."

He groaned. "Oh bloody hell, you're the second female to say that to me within the past few weeks."

I elected to ignore that comment and come back to it later. What I had to say couldn't wait.

"Listen to me, Benedict Cumberbatch. You are my very best friend and I love you dearly." He smiled sheepishly. "But I am really fucking pissed at you. The way you acted...I've never seen you like that, Ben. That's not like you and it...you scared me. It's not okay for you to ever do that but for you to do that after what happened...that's just not okay."

He nodded solemnly and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he really was sorry. After what happened with Leo, I had a hard time knowing who I could trust but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Benedict was one of those people.

"Angel, I...I am so, so sorry. You have to believe me. I can't believe I did that and I've hated myself ever since for it. I would never, ever hurt you. Please just tell me what I have to do. I'll do anything. Please, Angel."

I was stunned. He actually had tears in his eyes. He was literally begging me for forgiveness. 

I looked at him warily before breaking out into a smile.

"Fine. Those gorgeous eyes are working in your favor today, Cumberbatch." He lit up brighter than a Christmas tree as he wrapped his long arms around me and gave me a hug that was a tad too tight but I didn't want to ruin the moment just yet. He pulled away and looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite place. His eyes were suddenly dark and I could tell he was breathing harder. Without another moment to think, he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. They were soft like pillows and tasted absolutely delicious. For months I had been wondering what it would be like to kiss him and now I finally knew. And I wanted more. I pressed my body into his and I could swear we fit perfectly. I could feel his tounge ask for permission to enter and I granted without even thinking. My knees felt weak and I was having a hard time breathing. He pulled back for a moment and looked me in the eyes. His pupils were fully dialated but there was still a softness behind them. He smiled before delving back in for more.

Our tounges began wrestling for dominance I think he technically won. He began backing me up so that my back was against the refrigerator. I let my hands play with the curls at the nape of his neck as his hands drifted down towards my arse before giving it a light squeeze. I squealed and he pulled away to laugh. As he leaned in again, I stopped him. I placed my hand on his heaving chest. "Wh...what about Olivia? I thought-"

"It's over. It's all over. She, uh, she ended it. While you were in..."

"Oh."

We were both quiet for a moment until I broke the silence.

"So, are you, uh, gonna tell me what that was ab-"

"I love you. I'm in love with you, Sadie Moffat. And if I'm being completely honest with myself, I have been since I met you. You walked into that pub and completely turned my world upside down and I have loved every minute. I can't go a day without talking to you and I can't even go an hour without thinking about you. I know that the timing for all of this is...awful, to say the least, but I can't keep...I can't not be with you. I love you, Angel. Always have, always will."

I sat there totally and completely stunned. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for him but it didn't take an idiot to see that the timing was horrible. As much as I wanted to jump into his arms and kiss every inch of his body and run away with him, there were a few factors stopping me.

For one, I'd just gotten out of the hospital for Christ's sake. Let's not forget that the reason I was there was because of an abusive boyfriend.

Secondly, I'd had an abortion the day before because of said abusive boyfriend.

Lastly, he had just gotten out of a nine year long relationship. What if I was just a rebound? He couldn't possibly be ready to be in another relationship. Hell, _I_ didn't even know if I was ready.

_Stop coming up with excuses, Moffat._

I looked at him, _really_ looked at him, and I saw all I needed to know. He meant it, every single word. But the thing is, having some one tell you they're in love with you? Yeah, that's a tad terrifying. Giving your heart to someone and trusting them not to break it is probably the hardest thing anyone will ever have to do. I loved him, of course I did, but giving away my heart that was already so badly damaged from my previous two relationships sounded even more terrifying.

But not as terrifying as the idea of not giving him my heart.

That was all I needed to know to give him my answer.

"I...uh...Benedict..."

His face fell immediately as he started to back away from me. "It's okay, it's fine," he muttered. 

I reached for his hand. "Benedict, stop. Jesus, you do you have _any_ patience? If you had just given me a minute to figure out where to start...Christ, two minutes into our relationship and you're already giving up..."

"I'm sorry, I-" He stopped dead in his tracks as his jaw practically hit the ground. Slowly, a giant grin spread across his face.

"What did you say?"

I grinned right back at him. "You are so fucking impatient, Cumberbatch."

"No. That's not what you said."

"Oh, you mean the part about us being in a relationship?" I said as my grin got wider.

He began walking towards me slowly. "Yeah, that's the one," he said in a voice so low, I could feel it pierce my soul.

"Hmm, you like that, do you?"

He was standing right in front of me now, his face absurdly close to mine.

"Very, very much so," he whispered. His lips grazed mine.

I closed the last bit of distance by reaching up to kiss him. He returned it eagerly. I could feel his erection through his jeans and _oh God_ was it tempting to just rip his clothes off right there in the middle of my kitchen. We stood there for ages making out like two horny teenagers. I guess we kind of were. If I wasn made for someone, he was it. I wasn't entirely sure where we would go from here but I couldn't wait to find out.

_Two weeks later_

These past two weeks with Benedict have made up for every second of hurt I have ever felt in my entire life. If we weren't inseperable before, we certainly were now. We spent every spare moment with each other. Neither one of us could bare to be away from the other person for more than an hour. We hadn't even had a formal date yet but I didn't mind. Being with him made every ache and pain disappear. 

Last night was the first night we had spent away from each other in two weeks. He'd been feeling sick and was terrfied of passing it on to me so he insisted he spend the night at his flat. I woke up that morning to find myself missing him so much that it actually hurt. I missed the comfort of knowing he was sleeping peacefully beside me and of knowing I'd get to see those enchanting eyes and that contagious smile in the morning. I missed running my fingers through his silky, blonde curls as he told me stories of his days at Harrow or teaching English at a Tibetan monastery. I missed the feeling of him curling his body around mine so I could feel his erection pressing into my back. We still hadn't had sex yet, although it was difficult to remember why when things got hot and heavy. I just wasn't ready, given what had happened to me in the past few months. He understood and always made sure to tread carefully, which made me adore him _that_ much more.

I decided to surprise him with some soup and, well, me. I was going to call ahead of time but I was scared he was asleep so I decided to just let myself in.

It had finally started snowing and the countdown to Christmas was in full swing. There were decorations in every store window and Santas on every corner.

I arrived at his flat and punched in the code to enter the building. I climbed the stairs and made my way down the hall until I got to his door. I fumbled with my keys for a second before finding the right one. I unlocked the door and nudged it open with my foot. 

Then I saw them.

He was laying on the couch with his shirt off. Olivia was straddling him with her top off as well and she was trying to unbuckle his belt. They were in the middle of a kiss when they broke apart and noticed me. Ben stared at me in shock with an open mouth but didn't say anything. Good thing because I'd probably knock his teeth down his throat. Olivia looked over her shoulder at me with an expression of smugness and pity. 

I felt a lump rise in my throat and my eyes started to sting with tears.

_No, I would not cry. Not in front of them._

I dropped the soup on the floor as I seethed, "You fucking bastard. You're sick." I turned and ran for the stairs

I could hear him chasing after me but I refused to turn around.

"Fuck, Angel, please stop. Stop! I'm so, so sorry. Christ, you have to believe me. I...I didn't mean...We're not...We didn't. Fucking hell, please st-"

I couldn't bare to listen to him. All I felt was white hot rage and pain. So I did the one thing I never thought I'd do. I turned around and slapped him.

He stopped and looked at me, stunned.

"Stay the fuck away from me," I hissed.

I turned and walked out of his building, not giving a damn if I ever heard from him again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha, your welcome ;)

Benedict's POV

The past two weeks spent being Sadie's boyfriend has made all the pain from my entire life worth it. If I hadn't survived any of it, I wouldn't be able to wake up next to her and kiss her senseless. I woke up Saturday morning hoping to feel better so I could get back over to Sadie's but so far I felt like death warmed up.

I planned to spend the entire day lying on the couch watching reruns of _The X Factor_ until I heard a knock on my door. I got up slowly and padded over to the door. I couldn't really tell who it was through the peephole so I opened it to find...Olivia.

I cleared my throat, "Olivia? Wh...what are you doing?"

She looked around nervously. "I, uh, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Su...sure," I stammered. 

She sort of pushed her way past me into the kitchen.

"Is everything okay? You look kind of panicked."

"Yeah, I, uh, I'm fine," she said breathlessly.

"Okay, well then if you don't mind me asking, why are you here?"

"Oh, um, I..."She stopped speaking suddenly and crossed the kitchen to where I was standing. She reached up and grabbed my face before I could stop her. Seconds later she was pressing her lips to mine. It odd and wrong. I pushed her backwards and wiped my mouth.

"Olivia, what the hell?! What the fuck is your problem? We're not together anymore, remember? You can't just come over here and do stuff like that! Jesus."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be," I spat.

"No, I'm not sorry for the kiss. I'm sorry for breaking up with you. I shouldn't have and I've regretted it ever since. I should've fought for you. I miss you so much. Please, Ben."

 _Is she serious right now?_ "Are you fucking kidding me?" I scoffed. She shrunk away slowly. 

"You chose to end our relationship. You can't seriously think that it's okay for you to come here and kiss me and expect things to go back to how they used to be. We've been over for quite some time, Liv. Long before you even bothered to say something about it. Do I need to remind you how cold our relationship had been the past few months? Did you really forget it that quickly, 'cause I didn't."

"Ben, come on..."

"No. I...I'm with Sadie now."

She looked at me, stunned. "O...oh. I see. So the second I leave you two go at it. Although I can't say it's a total surprise. I know you two were fucking while we were still together."

I laughed a little louder than I should've. "Do you just make this shit up as you go along, Liv? Sadie and I weren't fucking then and we're not fucking now. Not that it's any of your business. I think you should go."

She made her way over to the door but instead of opening it, she turned and pushed me up against the wall while attacking my mouth with hers. Her tounge invaded my mouth as her hands traveled further south. She gripped my shirt and guided me towards the couch. As she pushed me down, I realized I was doing something I was already hating myself for: I was kissing her back.

_Stop kissing her back, Cumberbatch. What the fuck?_

All of a sudden everything from the past nine years came rushing back. I remembered every smile, every kiss. I fell into muscle memory and began touching her in all the places I knew she liked best. She moaned into my mouth as my hands slid down her back and cupped her arse. She straddled me and practically ripped my shirt off. I kissed down her jaw and neck before reaching the hollow spot where her neck met her shoulder and began alternating between biting and sucking.

Her breathing got heavy and when I cupped her mound, I could feel how wet she was through her jeans.

"Oh God yes," she moaned as I continued working on her neck. She began rocking back in forth, trying to get friction.

She pushed me to lay back on the couch and I complied. She pulled away to unbutton her shirt. She tossed it across the room and leaned down to nibble on my earlobe while palming me through my sweatpants.

I moaned in the back of my throat. I knew this was horribly wrong but yet I was still kissing her, still groping her soft curves. My thoughts drifted back to Sadie. I couldn't do this to her. It was her I wanted, not Olivia. I pulled away to protest and that's when I saw her. She was standing in the doorway with her jaw practically to the floor and pain written all over her delicate face.

She dropped a brown paper bag on the floor and hissed, "You fucking bastard. You're sick," before turning on her heel and stomping out.

I pushed Olivia off me and ran after her.

All I could do was beg and plead. "Fuck, Angel, please stop. Stop! I'm so, so sorry. Christ, you have to believe me. I...I didn't mean...We're not...We didn't. Fucking hell, please st-"

I couldn't even finish my sentence because of the stinging across my face as she slapped me. I was so stunned, I couldn't say anything. I couldn't believe it. This wasn't the angel I knew. Then again, I wasn't the Ben she knew, apparently.

Then she said the words I never, ever wanted to hear from her. "Stay the fuck away from me," she snapped. 

I felt my heart fall to my stomach and shatter. She stormed out of the building and I knew I should've chased after her but it felt like my feet were rooted to the floor.

I walked numbly back into my flat to find Olivia perched on the couch. She looked quite proud of herself and that only irriated me more.

"Benny, I-"

"Get out."

"What do you just say?"

I walked over and peered down at her. "You heard me. Get your clothes and leave. I don't ever want to see you again. You're...I can't even believe you would have the nerve to something like this."

She smiled smugly as she got up to gather her things. "Payback's a bitch, Benedict."

That was all she said as she got dressed and left.

I had to call Sadie. 

I searched frantically for my phone before finding it under one of the couch cushions. I found her name in my contact list and pressed the call button like my life depended on it. I guess it kind of did. Sadie was my world and the thought of losing her because of my own stupidity...I couldn't bare it.

She didn't answer so I was forced to leave a message.

"Angel, please, please talk to me. Jesus, I am so fucking sorry. I love you. I love you so much and I can't...I can't lose you again, Angel. I can't believe I was stupid enough to fall for Olivia's games. I don't want to be with her and I haven't since the night I met you. You have to believe me, love. I need you. Please, please call me back."

I hung up and waited. I paced my living room for half an hour while obsessively checking my phone to see if she had called or texted. Nothing.

 _How could I be so fucking stupid?! Sadie is the only thing I've wanted for months now and the second I get her, I screw it up. Christ, I'm a moron_. 

I made up my mind right there that I would do whatever it took to get her back. Not being with her just wasn't an option. She gave me a reason to wake up everyday. Her smile kept me going. In one moment of weakness-and hornyness-I have jeopardized the only important thing in my life.

_How could I be so fucking stupid?_

 

Sadie's POV

One Week Later

I was still fuming. How could he do something like that to me? After all the things he said to me that day in my kitchen? Fucking bastard. I'd rip his face off if I ever had the chance. Don't get me wrong, I was hurt at first. I cried a lot when I had gotten home but it didn't take long for that pain to transform into rage. Benedict had continuously called, texted, and emailed me and it was getting to the point now where I was considering smashing my phone so I didn't have to be bothered with it anymore. He'd shown up at my doorstep on multiple occasions but I always pretended I wasn't home. He didn't deserve my time, not after what he did, and I'd be damned if I was going to give it to him. He tried to get in touch with me through mutual friends until finally Zooey told him that if he didn't stop trying to talk to me, she would cut his dick off for me. Hey, what are best friends for? 

So essentially, I hadn't heard from him since then.

Christmas was a few days away so everyone around me on the tube was carrying bags and boxes wrapped in beautiful paper and topped with bows. I was on my way to Amanda and Martin's for tea. We'd agreed this would be better than if I came to their Christmas party tonight since Benedict would be there. 45 minutes later I was at their front door knocking furiously, anxious to get out of the bitter cold. Martin opened the door a minute later. 

"Alright, alright, calm down!".

I grinned. "Moving a bit slower these days, are we, old man?"

He didn't miss a beat. "Oh piss off!"

Amanda came up behind him to take my coat. "Now that's the Christmas spirit," she joked.

She took us into the living room then disappeared into the kitchen.

There was an awkward moment of silence. I didn't want to be the one to bring up Ben. As angry as I was at him, I wasn't one for bad-mouthing other people. 

"He's miserable, you know," he murmured.

"Martin-"

"I know. Believe me, I know. What he did was really bloody stupid and you have every right to be angry with him but Sadie...he looks like shit. He won't eat, barely sleeps. Hardly talks to anyone. He misses you...so much. You gotta talk to him, Sadie. We start reshooting the pilot soon. You can't avoid him forever. Your parents never knew about the two of you so they're not going to understand why you refuse to be around him."

I sighed as I took in what he said. I was about to say something when Amanda walked in carrying a tray of goodies. I thought that signaled the end of the conversation but I was quickly proven wrong.

"Just talk to him, please? Just listen to what he has to say," he begged.

Amanda piped up. "He really loves you, Sadie. I've never seen someone so upset. Please, just give him five minutes."

"So is this why you two invited me here? To speak on Benedict's behalf?"

"No no no, of course not. We're just really concerned," she replied. "About both of you. I don't think you realize just how much Ben needs you. I also don't think you realize just how much _you_ need _him_."

I reached for my cup and some sugar while I mulled over what they said. Anger may have been clouding my mind because I really couldn't see how on earth I still needed Ben.

Martin spoke up again, "Will you come tonight? Please?"

I stayed silent. "Okay, fine. Give him two minutes," Martin reasoned.

I groaned loudly. "Ugh, okay, fine."

Martin breathed a sigh of relief and Amanda grinned at me wildly. 

_Well, at least tonight won't be boring._

A few hours later I was standing in the kitchen with Amanda as we prepared appetizers for her Christmas party. I was ridiculously nervous to see Ben but I refused to let that show. We were busy stuffing mushrooms and chattering about her kids and how excited they were for Santa to visit. It warmed my heart to hear about her children. You could see the love she had for them shine through her every pore. I absentmindedly placed a hand on my stomach where a life was growing just mere weeks ago. I felt a pang of guilt but shook it off. 

Half an hour later guests started to arrive and the wine began flowing. I moved around the living room, chattering with everyone while keeping a close eye on the front door. He was late as usual. I was standing in the corner of the living room facing the entry way so I could see when he would walk in and I could prepare myself. I was in the middle of a conversation with Mark and Ian when I heard his booming laughter. I felt giant butterflies flutter in my stomach and my knees started to feel like jelly. I tried to avert my eyes back to Ian but he caught my eyes before I could. His smile evaporated and so did the color from his face. The right side of my mouth went up into a slight smile as I looked back down at my feet. 

I gripped my wine glass a little too tighly as I tried to concentrate on the coversation.

Ian stopped mid-sentence and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Go talk to him, love. You two need to get this sorted. He needs you, Sadie."

I scoffed, "You're not the first person to say that to me today."

I took a deep breath and walked over towards him. Before I could reach him, a tall red-headed woman squealed and threw her arms around him. He saw that I saw and immediately looked away nervously. I changed my path and escaped into the kitchen. Surely there was something else that needed to be done.

I closed the kitchen door behind me and leaned on the island for support.

_I can't do this. I can't face him._

I noticed the dishes in the sink so I decided to busy myself by washing them. I'd begun scrubbing a large pot when I heard the door open and shut quietly behind me. I didn't turn around to see who it was.  I didn't have to. I knew.

"Angel..."

I stopped. It made my heart hurt to hear him call me that.

"Please, Angel. Please look at me."

"Don't. You don't get to do that. You don't get to decide how this goes."

I felt tears sting my eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I set the pot back in the sink to turn around.

I took him in. Martin was right: he looked like shit. His hair was sticking out in all directions like he didn't bother to brush it. His eyes were red and puffy and you could see the dark circles underneath them from a mile away. His clothes were disheveled, but then again they usually were.

He smiled at me hesitantly, as if I would run away if he moved the wrong way.

"You...you look..."

"Better than you," I finished. He smirked.

"I've missed you...so, so much."

"So I've heard." I knew I was giving short answers and being rather cold but I couldn't help it. I know I agreed to give him a few minutes of my time but I was finding it rather hard to be forgiving at the moment. He looked so beautiful and so...sad but that only made me angrier because he didn't have a right to be sad. He did this, not me.

"D...do you think we could talk?"

"That's what we're doing now, isn't it?"

"Sadie..."

I groaned and nodded my head. I motioned for him to follow me to the study. I crossed the room and turned around to face him again. 

One wall in the study was made up of floor to ceiling walls so the lighting came mostly from the full moon outside. It alluminated his face and made it glow. He called me Angel but he was the one who looked angelic right now.

He took a step towards me but I backed away.This was going to be on my terms, dammit.

"You obviously feel like you have something to say so why don't you go ahead and say it."

He took a deep breath before beginning. "Angel, Jesus I don't even know where to start. I'm so, so fucking sorry. I've never felt so stupid in my entire life. I didn't invite her over. I didn't even know she was coming. I opened the door thinking it was you and there she was. Fuck, you have to believe me angel. We didn't...you know. I threw her out after you left. She told me she did it for sport, actually. Revenge because she seems to think you and I had been shagging before her and I broke up. I would never do that to you. Christ, please just tell me what I have to do. I'll do anything, Angel. Please."

"See, that's just it. You say you would never do something like that to me but you did. From what I saw, you looked pretty into that kiss."

"I...shit...I..."

"Spit it out, Benedict."

"I was...I pretended it was you."

"O...oh," was all I could manage to choke out.

He stepped towards me again and this time I didn't step back. He dropped to his knees and took my hands in his to place soft kisses on them.

As much as I hated to admit it, I missed his soft lips. I sighed softly. He looked up at me and I could see every ounce of guilt he was carrying around in his eyes. I broke down and ran my fingers through his silky curls. He leaned into my touch and smiled as a tear ran down his cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb as I whispered, "Oh, Ben." He leaned forward and lifted up my jumper. I could feel his eyelashed flutter against my stomach as he kissed a trail down my stomach. The kisses were gentle but it felt like they were lighting my skin on fire.

I pulled him up to his feet. I grabbed his face with my hands and looked into his eyes one more time before kissing him. It was soft and slow at first but the passion built quickly. His mouth dominated mine and his tounge begged for entrance. I granted him access as my hands began fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. He pushed me backwards until my back was pressed against the bookcase. He slipped his hand under my jumper and cupped my breast with his hands. He got bored of that pretty quickly so he ripped it off and threw it across the room. He kissed his way down my jaw and neck before reaching the top of my breasts.

"Fucking glorious," he murmured. He reached behind me to unhook my bra. As soon as it was gone, his mouth latched onto one nipple while he rolled the other between his fingers. 

It felt so damn good and all I could do was moan in response. A growl rose from his chest as he switched breasts. I felt the familiar pool in my lower stomach. My panties were becoming soaked and all I wanted was for him to bend down and take them off with his teeth. He slipped his shirt off while I pulled my skirt and knickers down. He was back to hovering over me mere seconds later. His hands traveled further south until the reached the placed I wanted them most. He circled my clit a few times with his forefinger before dipping it into my folds. I hissed and moaned in response. Jesus, this was all I'd wanted for months. I knew it should be slow and sensuous and we should take our time exploring each other's bodies but right now all I wanted was him inside me.

His finger returned to my clit while another slipped inside me. I bucked my hips up, wanting him to go deeper. He chuckled before attacking my neck. My hands gripped his shoulders. He pumped his fingers in and out of me. He lifted his head to look me in the eyes. He kissed me softly and whispered, "Jesus, I've wanted this for so long, Angel." 

I wanted to respond but his fingers were working wonders on my clit so it was a little difficult to form coherent sentences, let alone breathe.

"You're so wet, Angel. So, so wet."

I reached down and unbutton his jeans. He stepped out of them and I could see how hard he was. He looked so ready that I knew it had to hurt. He slipped his underwear off and I saw the precum dripping from the head of his cock. I licked my lips and bent down. I ran my tounge along the underside before swirling the head with my tounge to lap up all of his juices. He moaned loudly as I enveloped him in my mouth. I'd never had someone who tasted so good. He was surprisingly sweet with a twinge of saltiness. I took my time exploring every ridge and I could tell he more than approved. He ran his hands through my hair. His hips kept bucking forwards but he'd suddenly stop, as if he were resisting the urge to just fuck my mouth. I hollowed my cheeks and sucked him harder than before.

He pulled me up and kissed me gently. I could feel the tip of his cock rub against my entrance.

"You sure?"

I nodded. He kissed me once more as he pushed inside. He was bigger than I expected, which caused a lot more pain than I anticipated. He must've sensed this because he pulled out slowly before pushing back in again. He was still for a minute but he was breathing heavily. His eyes were dark and dripping in lust. He started to move and it felt so good. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He sat me down on the desk before finding a rhythm. The pain soon subsided and was replaced by absolute pleasure. The only sounds audible in the room were our moans and sighs and skin slapping against skin. The party was in full swing mere feet away but it made it that much more exciting knowing we could easily get caught any second. His finger found my clit and began rubbing again. 

"Fucking hell, Benedict, please."

He sped up and rubbed more furiously. He lowerd his head to suck and nibble on one of my breasts. I could feel my orgasam building quickly. My hands found his arse and I squeezed it while bringing him in deeper. Harder and harder he pounded into me. Seconds later I felt every muscle in my body explode as my orgasm spread across my limbs. I bit my tounge so hard it began to bleed in order to stop my loud cries. He began thrusting even faster now. He grunted and panted in my ear before I felt his warm liquid spill inside me.

We were still for a moment as we tried to bring our breathing back down to normal. He lifted his head from shoulder and smiled. He kissed me gently once more as he pulled out.

We dressed in silence. I crossed to the other side of the room and reached for the door but he grabbed my arm and stopped me. 

"Angel, what does this mean? Where...where does this leave us?"

I thought about it for a second. I loved him too much to do this again. I reached for his hand and looked him in the eye. 

"This means that if you ever do that to me again, I will fucking kill you. I can't do this again, Benedict, I just can't."

He looked at me, confused. "Wait, the sex or the cheating?"

"The cheating." I chuckled. "No no no, the sex...you are more than welcome to do that again."

He laughed and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"I love you, Angel. So much more than you could possibly know."

"Oh, I don't doubt that." I grinned up at him. "I love you too, Cumberbatch."

I kissed his cheek swiftly, pinched his arse, and waltzed back into the party. I looked back at him. He had a dumbfounded grin on his face. All I could do was laugh.

_This is the man I have chosen to love. God help me._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first attempt at writing smut so please be kind!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Fluff. Fluffflufffluff And some angst. But mostly fluff.  
> Sorry for your feels ;)

It was close to midnight and my feet had long since gone numb. I was exhausted and all I wanted was to go home and put on my pyjamas and fall asleep watching whatever 1950's movie was on. I'd been trying to say goodbye for almost half an hour but everyone was completely wasted and had a lot to say. I slipped into the kitchen to try and find Amanda but she was nowhere to be found. Her kitchen was a mess, poor thing, but my feet were screaming desperate pleas for me to go home.

I finally found her in the office where Benedict and I had been only hours before. I smiled to myself, thinking about what exactly had gone on in there.

"This place is a fucking wreck. I came in here and the papers were scattered all over the floor," she huffed.

It took everything I had not to burst into a fit of giggles. 

"It really is. D'you need help?"

"No no no. You've done enough for today. Go home. I'll get Martin to do this tomorrow."

I turned to leave but she grabbed my sleeve. "Oh! I can't believe I almost forgot! How did your talk with Benedict go?"

_Oh shit._

"Oh uh uh," I stammered, "It went well. We got a lot sorted."

She smiled that warm Amanda smile that was reserved for so few and went back to picking up papers off the floor.

"I"ll see you soon, dear," she said as she bent down to straighten the rug.

I grabbed my coat and walked outside. I weaved in and out of the cars until I reached my own and practically threw myself inside so I could turn the heat on as soon as possible. I was startled by a knock on my window. I turned to look and saw Benedict shivering with a goofy smile on his face. I motioned for him to get in. 

'"C...Ch...Christ it's cold."

Well, it is December in England so there's that..."

"Mind giving me a lift back to my place? I rode with Adam but he left me."

"Yeah, no problem." To be honest, I was a little nervous. This was fourty-five minute drive, at least, and it was either going to be filled with awkward silence or awkward conversation. Sure, we'd worked some things out back in the office but there was still a lot to be discussed and I wasn't entirely sure it was something I wanted to talk about right now because I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted out of this relationship. I loved Benedict, that much I knew, but I also knew that it was going to be awhile before I could trust him with my heart again. 

I pulled out of Martin and Amanda's driveway carefully and did my best to focus on the road but I could feel his gaze boring into me.

"What's on your mind, Angel?"

I glanced at him. His expression told me that he genuinely wanted to know.

I was silent for a minute as I tried to gather my thoughts. I took a deep breath and began.

"I just...Benedict...I'm scared."

"Scared? Scared of what, love?"

I swallowed. I knew this was going to hurt him but it had to be said.

"You."

"M...me?"

I nodded.

"Why?"

I went silent again. I did my best to sort my thoughts but it felt like a jumbled mess.

He shakily grabbed my hand.

"Angel, I made you a promise and I'm going to keep that promise until the day I die. I swear to you. I know you can't handle being hurt again and I don't ever want to come that close to losing you. You're my world now and nothing's going to change that. We'll take it as slow as you'd like just please promise me that you'll try to let me in and make it up to you."

I felt paralyzed. What was I supposed to say to that? I felt myself falling in love with this man faster and deeper than I could possibly imagine. I knew it was too late, I was in too deep. He couldn't lose me and I couldn't live without him. That's thing about love, I guess. It's hands down the most terrifying experience. I mean, what's more scary than trusting someone with the single most fragile thing you have? Nothing. But there's a reason for all those love songs. Because while falling in love is scary as hell, it's also the most exciting and extraordinary experience any human being could possibly have.

"I'm scared too, ya know," he whispered.

I was jerked out of my thoughts and looked at him quizzically. 

"How come?"

"Oh Angel," he sighed, "you absolutely terrify me. You're everything I've ever wanted and so, so much more and it's so fucking scary to think that I have that now in you and you could walk away before I could blink. I could lose you in an instant, almost have several times, and it would fucking kill me. I couldn't go on if I didn't have you." He stopped to look at me but I refused to return his gaze. I didn't need to look to see the love and sincerety in his eyes. It was crystal clear.

"You're driven and exceptionally intelligent. Witty doesn't even begin to describe you and neither does sexy or beautiful. You amaze me every single day with your strength and grace and the way you deal with the things life throws at you. You're not just _an_ angel, you're _my_ angel. Sometimes I worry because I rely on you too much to give me a reason to live but when I think about the things that matter most, you're the only thing that comes to mind. If I were to lose you again, I just...I couldn't. I couldn't fucking do it."

I reached a red light and looked over to find tears streaming down his face. 

He looked down at our fingers intertwined and whispered, "Please don't make me do it."

I pulled into a parking spot and put the car in park. I turned, grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him sweetly. We pulled away and I saw a smile and a glimmer of something I couldn't quite place in his eye.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Benedict. Leaving you would be like losing a part of myself and, to be honest, I think I've lost enough lately. I'll be here as long as you'll have me, Cumberbatch."

His smile got wider as he leaned in for another kiss. 

"Can we go inside now? It's fucking freezing!"

He chuckled and turned to get out of the car before looking back at me with a sly grin.

"Thought you were taking me home? This looks a lot more like your flat than mine."

I stood up on my tippy toes and planted a kiss on his cheek before saying, "You are home."

He beamed at me as he grabbed my hand and led me up to the door.

 

One Month Later

 

_I'm going to throw his phone against the wall if he doesn't shut it up._

I opened one eye slowly, then the other. It was morning, the sun was shining brightly (a rarity for London in January) and the hustle and bustle of the city outside was as loud as ever. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked around. My normally clean and neat bedroom was completely torn apart. Our clothes from the previous night were discarded in various places and the sheets were halfway off the bed. I was sore but it was a good kind of sore, the kind that indicated I was more than satisfied.  

I glanced over to the nightstand to find that it was my phone that had been ringing, not his. I picked up and saw I had a missed call from mum. I set it back down, making a mental note to call her back later. I got out of bed as gently as I could although I wasn't quite sure why. He slept like a dead person and nothing I ever did woke him up. I found his button down shirt from last night and hastily put it on before pulling my hair up into a mess bun. I padded downstairs quietly. I filled the kettle before turning it on. While it heated up, I went into the pantry to get a tea bag and make mental shopping list for later. A few minutes later I heard the whistle of the kettle and rushed to quiet it. As I was pouring the hot water into the mug, I felt his arms wrap around my waist and pull me into him. He bent forward and placed soft kisses down my neck and onto my shoulder before creating a new trail behind my ear.

"Morning, Angel." I turned around to kiss him properly. His lips were softer than pillows and when I ran my fingers through his hair I couldn't help but note how it felt better than the finest silk on the planet. I was addicted to both more than I'd like to admit. Frankly, I was more addicted to _him_ than I'd like to admit. I was in constant need of a fix. Whether it was a kiss or a simple graze of fingers over my cheek, I didn't care. I just needed him more than I needed oxygen and I was learning to be okay with that.

He stumbled backwards and inhaled deeply.

"One day I will be able to catch my breath after kissing you."

"How's that going for you?" I inquired.

"Terribbly. I see no hope in the future."

"My apologies," I joked.

"Oh love, please don't apologize. I thoroughly enjoyed it."

All I could do was smile. He had rendered me speechless yet again. That was a new talent of his I was discovering and I wasn't quite sure if I liked it or not.

There was a knock on the door that jerked my attention away from his gorgeous eyes that were a different color every day.

"I'll get it," he insisted.

I followed behind him so I could slip upstairs and put some pants on. 

When Benedict opened the door, I felt of a gust of cold rush into my flat and wrap around my legs. Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing that went cold. At the door were Mum and Dad.

"Fucking hell," I murmured. 

Under other circumstances we would probably have been able to pass off that this was just a friendly sleepover, that nothing happened, but one look at Benedict and I would tell you that our sleepover was anything but friendly. I was wearing his button down, knickers, and nothing else. He was shirtless and donned nothing but underwear. His hair was an absolute mess and the afterglow was still plainly seen on our faces. It was plain as day what was going on.

My mum looked stunned and speechless but my dad was clearly furious.

"What the fucking hell is going on?! Why is he here and why are you two dressed like that?! Jesus Christ, is this a joke," he bellowed.

He stormed in and charged towards Benedict. I lept down the stairs and wedged myself between them as to prevent a punch being thrown. 

"Dad, please! We were going to tell you, we were just waiting until things with _Doctor Who_ settled down.

That was a lie and everyone knew it. We weren't planning on telling them, at least I wasn't. If it were up to Benedict, he'd shout it at them from a roof top but I was more cautious. The past year had been a tough one and I'd put my parents through a lot. My dad had pulled me aside a few days after coming home from the hospital to insist I stop dating for awhile. I agreed at the time, not thinking anything of it. Now here I was, desperately in love with the man standing mere millimeters behind me.

It wasn't Benedict's fault and I think we both knew that. My parents were going to be overprotective, regardless of who I was dating.

"You little shit," my dad growled, "I'll fucking kill you. How dare you?! This my daughter for fuck's sake. Do you have any respect for boundaries? Jesus Christ. I let you into my home, into my family, and you think it's okay to sink your claws into her, to start screwing her? This is over. Right now. I won't have it."

"Dad, please. You can't do this. I'm not a child. I'm a grown woman. I can make my own decisions, including who I date, and that is none of your business."

"Oh, yeah? You can make your own decisions about who you date but how well has that worked out for you in the past?" he seethed.

All the oxygen suddenly disappeared from the room and the tension was more tangible than ever. The color drained from my face and I felt my heart shatter. Benedict became tense as he sucked in a sharp breath. Mum's jaw was on the floor and Dad was staring at me with more anger than I ever remembered him having. 

"End it. **Now.** Otherwise, I don't ever want to see you again."

My mum spoke up for the first time since arriving. "Steven, please-"

He whipped around and shot her what must've been a death glare because she fell silent instantly.

My gaze shifted nervously from her to my dad. I'd be nothing without my mum and dad but I needed Benedict to breathe, to live. If they couldn't see that or understand, then I felt sorry for them.

"Goodbye, Dad."

His expression shifted slightly. That wasn't the answer he was expecting. He honestly thought I would end it with Benedict simply because he asked me to. I told myself that if he truly loved me, he wouldn't have asked me to break up with him in the first place.

He turned to storm out with my mum following behind. The door slammed shut. I felt Benedict rest a hand on the small of my back.

"Angel-"

I raised my hand to signal him to stop.

I wiped the tears that had fallen down my cheeks and turned around to look at him. I'm sure I was doing a real shit job at hiding my pain but I just didn't want to talk about it. Not now.

I grabbed his face with my hands and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Tea?"

He sighed. He knew he wasn't going to get anything out of me, not yet anyways. 

What just happened had nothing to do with Benedict. Sure, it may have been out of line for us to start this relationship because he worked for my parents but it came down to more than that. My dad hated not being the one in control and I hated being told what to do. I loved him for trying to protect me but I was never going to learn to trust anyone again if I didn't put my heart on the line. If it was anyone else, I probably would've ended the relationship right then and there.

But it wasn't.

This was Benedict. He had my heart and I had his and I wasn't ready to give that back yet.

Not for anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so sorry for the delay in this chapter! My school load is super intense, I have a new job, and I've got some family issues to deal with so posting will have to be strictly on the weekends. Some chapters will be quite short but at least that drags out the story for you guys! Thanks again for being such lovely, loyal readers and I hope you enjoyed!


	13. Chapter 13

Benedict's POV

It'd been a few days since the blow up between her parents and I. She'd been trying to put on this charade for days that she was fine but I saw straight through it. I thought I was close with my family but nothing compared to the closeness that Sadie shared with Sue and Steven.

Rehearsals had started for the reshooting of the first episode of Sherlock but everything was strictly business. Everything was relayed to me through Mark but on the rare occasion either one of them spoke to me, it was brief and cold.

Sadie would always ask about my day and I knew she was secretly probing for information about her parents but there was nothing to tell.

My third alarm of the morning went off and I groaned as I rolled out of bed and into the shower. Sadie had already left for work but it hadn't been long. I could still smell her perfume that she probably sprayed on haphazardly as she dashed out the door. She was just as bad about being late as I was.

A quick shower and a giant cup of coffee was all I had time for. I was out the door in 15 minutes, which was still 15 minutes too late.

I found my way into the hair and makeup trailer and chatted absentmindedly with the ladies as they began work on my curls.

_Fucking curls. I'd chop them off right this second if I could._

Two hours later, I was standing on set while the crew finished adjusting the lights. 13 takes later, we were told to take a short break while more changes were made to the lighting.

I noticed Sue and Steven standing stiffly off to the side, acknowledging everyone but me. Their coldness wasn't what bothered me; it was the unnecessary coldness they had towards Sadie. She'd tried countless times to get in touch with both of them but every attempt at communication was ignored. I caught her in the bathroom two days earlier sobbing. When she finally noticed me, she threw every excuse at me she could think of but we both knew the real reason. I knew I should've just given her space and time and not interfered but I don't put up with anyone hurting my angel. Not even her own parents.

I walked swiftly to where Steven and Sue were. I tried to act confident but I was actually bloody terrified. Steven shot me a look of pure hatred and anger and I knew he'd rip me apart right there if there weren't witnesses. Sue shot me a look that wasn't much better.

I gave them a slight nod before speaking. "If you two don't mind, I'd like to talk to you. In private."

They both eyed me warily.

" **Please.** "

Sue nodded and began to follow. She looked back to find Steven refusing to move. 

"Steven, lets just hear him out."

"I don't give a shit what he has to say," he spat.

"You should," I replied. I wasn't going to lose this battle. I had to do this for Sadie.

"Steven." That was all Sue had to say and he reluctantly followed me outside and into my trailer.

I shut the door carefully behind me.

Awkward silence surrounded us for moments that felt like hours. I knew I was going to have to be the one to break the silence, I just wasn't sure how.

"Well?" Steven inquired.

"I...uh...look," I took a deep breath, "I know you two are angry."

Steven scoffed.

" _Really_ angry and I completely understand why. It wasn't my intention to date your daughter. I didn't even know who she was when I first met her. I can't help that we became friends and I'm not going to apologize for it. I've loved every second I've ever had with her. I respect the both of you immensely and Sadie and I had several long talks about how this would affect the two of you before agreeing that we still wanted to be with each other. But I'm not here to talk about me. Pushing Sadie out of your lives because of me isn't fair. You have no idea how hard she's taking it. It's destroying her. She misses you both so much more than I could possibly covey to you. She's hurting and it's not the kind of hurt that I can heal and that kills me. Please talk to her. She's your daughter."

Steven shot up. "You're something else, you know that? I'm perfectly fucking aware that she's my daughter, which is why you have no right or reason to lay your filthy, disgusting paws on her. You crossed a serious line, Benedict."

"I know," I looked down at my feet, "and I'm sorry, but I don't regret it."

"She's been through too much, Benedict. How can you not see that? Leave her the fuck alone."

"You think I don't know that? Don't forget that I was the one that came to you in the first place and told you about what was happening between her and Leo."

Sue finally spoke up. "And we appreciate that, Benedict, but you have to know what an awkward position this puts us in."

"I can only imagine."

"Oh fucking hell," mumbled Steven.

He moved to step around me. "I'm done with this bloody conversation. You can tell Sadie that she can come to us _if and when_ she breaks up you."

_That's it._

"Do you know why? Why I love her? Or how I love her?"

"I don't want to fucking know," he hissed with his back still turned away from me.

"That's not what I meant. I mean, you two are in love, aren't you? Otherwise you wouldn't still be married. So I know that, at some point at least, you felt the same way I do every time I see her." I stopped to gauge their reactions before continuing, "It's like I can feel myself literally falling in love. It feels like I lept off some giant cliff and I'm falling deeper and deeper with every passing second. And the thing is," I continued, "I know I should be scared. Really bloody terrified, actually, but I'm not. Sounds silly, doesn't it? I mean, I'm trusting another human being with my heart. That's the most frightening thing a person can do. She has the power of shattering it into a million tiny pieces but I still find myself offering it to her eagerly. She's my whole world now. I can't breathe without her. Sure, we haven't been together that long but I feel like I wasn't really living before her. Now that I have her, it's like I've woken up from an extremely long sleep. I'd do anything for her if she asked me nicely."

I stopped to notice that Sue had tears in her eyes. I wasn't done yet though. I could've sat there all bloody day and talked about how much I loved Sadie.

"I've been told my entire life that when you find your soulmate, you just know. You don't even have to ask yourself. Your whole body breathes a sigh of relief because you've finally found your other half. I always laughed when people told me stuff like that but now I get it. I've spent the past nine years of my life trying to force that feeling with someone else, but with Sadie, it's as effortless as breathing. I know she's the one for me and I can't wait to grow old with her. I can't wait to create a life full of love and laughter and children and I want you two to be a part of that. Please be a part of that."

Steven was still facing the door but I could see his shoulders slump. In fact, they were shaking. Was he crying?

He turned to face me slowly and I could see that he was indeed crying.

"I...I...Did you mean it?" he asked.

"Every single word."

He nodded and left without another word.

I turned back around to see that Sue still had tears streaming down her face.

All I've ever wanted for Sadie was for her to find someone that could love her the way she deserves to be loved. I'll admit that this isn't what I had in mind and the circumstances are quite odd, but I'm glad she's found that in you."

A big smile spread across my face.

"I guess I always kind of knew," she mumbled.

"Hmm? How so?"

"Oh, Benedict, the way you two feel abut each other is clearer than daylight. You should see your face when she walks in the room. You light up like a bloody Christmas tree. You look at her the way every woman wants to be looked at and she's just as obvious. I know my daughter and I know when she's in love. The smile you bring to her face is unlike any I've ever seen. So, I guess, in a way, I should be thanking you."

"Thanking me? Thanking me for what?"

"For loving her. For healing her. For making her happy. Steven was right: she has been through so much lately but I don't think she would've made it through any of that without you. You're just as much her world as she is yours, love. Don't forget that."

I nodded. She patted my hand and got up quietly to go back to set.

 

 

 

We finished rather early that day and I was home by 7:30. I unlocked the door to Sadie's flat and practically hurled myself inside to get out of the cold.

I was instantly greeted with the smell of something delicious wafting from the kitchen. I decided to investiage (I was Sherlock Holmes after all) and strolled into the kitchen to find Sadie stirring something. She hadn't noticed me yet, she was too busy singing her favorite song, "Strawberry Fields Forever" by The Beatles. I noticed her though. She was wearing simple black sweatpants that accentuated her arse so beautifully, it made me want to weep. Her face was free of makeup, hair was thrown into a sloppy ponytail, and she wore a solid purple t-shirt. She finally turned and spotted me. She stopped singing to smile at me mid-verse. Once again, she knocked the air right out of my lungs.

I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around her waist. She stood up on the tips of her toes to plant a gentle kiss on my lips. It wasn't exactly what I was after but it would do for now.

"How was your day, love?"

"Mm, much better now," I said as I reached down to push her bangs out of her face.

"What's for dinner?"

"Pizza grilled cheese. Mum used to make it for me all the time when I was a kid."

I smiled down at her.

"Speaking of Mum, I heard you two had a little chat."

"Oh? And how did you hear that?"

"She phoned me today. Apparently you said something that really made her rethink her stance."

"Uh-huh."

She grinned up at me and I felt my knees go weak. She gently took my face in her hands and brought it down so our lips barely touched.

"I can't wait to show you just how grateful I am," she whispered as she pressed her body into mine. One hand left my cheek and found it's way to the same spot that all my blood was currently rushing to.

She reached around and grabbed my arse before walking a swiftly with a smug look on her face. That little minx.

I scarfed down dinner and ran upstairs to jump in the shower. I still had on an absurd amount of makeup from filming and I was desperate to wash it all off before the night's festivities began.

A few minutes later, I felt small arms wrap around my waist and soft kisses being pressed into my shoulder blades.

I smiled to myself before turning around to face her. I placed gentle kisses on her collarbone before tracing a pattern up her neck and finishing on her pillow-like lips. She moaned softly as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her body into mine. Every sound she made was heavenly. It fueled my desire that much more. I guided her backwards so her back was pressed against the tile wall. I bent down to take her breast into my mouth. Christ, she was perfect. I always had to take a minute to really take in he body and appreciate it because it truly was a work of art. I would bet money that God took extra time on her because she was so beautifully sculpted that it had to be an act of God. She continued moaning as I sucked and nipped one breast while rolling the other nipple in between my fingers. I was getting harder and harder with every sound she made. I let one hand travel down until I found her clit. I circled it slowly as she gasped for air.

"Fucking hell, Benedict! Please."

I wasn't in the mood to tease her for too long. I was just as desperate as she was.

I slipped one finger inside before adding another. I pumped in and out slowly while simultaneously rubbing her clit with enough pressure to bring her to the edge but not enough to give her what she wanted.

"Please, Ben. Christ. **_Please._** "

I loved it when she begged.

I glanced down at my glistening cock. There was no question that I was ready.

"God, Angel you're so wet. Is all that for me?"

I pulled both fingers out and she hissed immediately at the loss of contact.

My tongue darted out to lick up her slit once before delving inside. Her hands wound into my curls and she moaned and writhed above me. I was still working her clit as my tongue explored every inch of her that I could find. 

How could someone taste _**so fucking good?**_

She yanked me up, causing me to yelp at the sudden pain.

"Benedict, if you don't fuck me right this second, I swear to-"

I silenced her by picking her up, wrapping her legs around my waist, and pushing inside of her in one swift movement.

The warmth and silkiness of her cunt felt so _goddamn_ good that it made me want to weep.

It took every ounce of strength I had not to pound her into the wall, although I'm sure that's what she wanted.

I began to move slowly but that wasn't good enough for her. She searched for her own rhythm, desperately seeking friction.

I nipped and sucked at the hollow of her neck as I pulled in and out slowly. I was shaking, it felt so fucking good.

I began to speed up, not able to stand it anymore.

I found my rhythm rather quickly. She continued to moan and gasp for air as I sped up. It was all well and good and felt fucking fantastic but I just couldn't take it anymore.

I shifted slightly so that with my new angle, my cock would rub against her clit with each thrust. She dug her nails into my back. Half a dozen thrusts later, I felt her squeeze around my cock, milking it as much as she could. I continuted thrusting, trying to let her ride the orgasm as long as possible. Her body went limp as her eyes rolled in the back of her head. She came back to consciousness a moment later.

Now it was my turn.

She began meeting each of my thrusts and nibbling on my earlobe. 

"Come on, Benedict. Come for me. Harder. I love feeling you inside of me. God you're so good. So deep. Jesus, you fill me up perfectly. Harder. **Harder.** "

And with that, I let go. My seed shot into her as I gasped for air. My muscles were aching from holding her up for so long but I couldn't care less. I'd hold her up for the rest of my life if she kept giving me orgasms like that.

"Jesus Christ, Angel. We gotta...we need to... **fuck** that was incredible."

She smiled at me. I pulled out as I set her back down on her feet.

"Christ. If you keep giving me orgasms like that, I just might die."

She giggled. "In this case, I'll take that as a compliment."

"Oh, please do."

She pinched my arse and she stepped out of the shower.

I turned the water off stepped out to find her offering me a towel.

She stood on her tippy toes once again and kissed me sweetly. 

"I love you so much," she whispered.

"Not as much as I love you."

She smiled softly before walking into the closet. I wasn't sure why she was going to find clothes, I was just going to rip them off anyway.

"Stop staring, Cumberbatch," she yelled, "Your delicious arse better be in that bed by the time I get out."

"So romantic," I joked as I did what I was told. 

I had just gotten comfortable when she reappeared in the doorway.

I was wrong. She wasn't clothed. Quite the opposite, in fact.

"Now you have to promise me you won't die," she began as she crossed over to the bed.

"Oh, I won't," I responded. She giggled as she climbed into bed and turned off the lights. I felt her soft, small hands wrap around my cock. _T_ _his is the woman I get to have sex with for the rest of my life,_ I thought to myself, _Hallelfuckingujah._

 

I don't know what I did in a past life to deserve someone like Sadie but I must've been a fucking saint. 

_After all, she is my Angel._

 


	14. Chapter 14

_Jesus, Mary, and Joseph these heels were killing my feet._ I unlocked the door to my flat, kicked my shoes off, and collapsed on the couch. I knew I should get up and get a move on with dinner. Benedict was going to be home soon from rehersals and he was usually too tired to do anything so it was usually up to me. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was a voicemail from Benedict.

_Oh here we go._

I loved Benedict, I really did, but his voicemails were so... _tedious_. I swear, that man could have a full-out conversation with drying paint. His voicemails were **_at least_** 3-5 minutes long and usually contained a complete conversation with no one else but himself.

I pressed the "call voicemail" button and prepared myself for God only knows.

"Hi, Angel. I just wanted to check in with you and see how your day is going. At this point, rehersals should be over by 6:30 so I'm going to do my best to be home by 7:30 but we both know the likely-hood of that happening. Oh, God I miss you. I can't wait to see you tonight. In fact, I can't wait to do a lot with you. I can't wait to make you Mrs. Cumerbatch. I can't wait for you to become the mother to my children. But I think I'm most excited about tonight. Oh, by the way, you're never going to believe what your mum said to me-oh wait. I'll have to tell you later darling, I'm being called back to rehersals. I love you Angel. So much. I can't wait to see you tonight. Oh, I've already said that, haven't I?"

I pressed the delete button and pushed myself off the couch to start dinner. As I rummaged through the cupboards, my mind flashed back to what he said in his voicemail. He couldn't wait to make me his wife. Hearing him say that made my heart soar.

It'd been almost year since we started dating, with the first of December happening this coming weekend. The past year spent with Benedict had been one I could've only dreamt of. My parents came around soon after Benedict's little confession, although none of them will ever breathe a word to me about what he said. It took a while, but they seem to have accepted Ben as my boyfriend and they even refer to him as part of the family from time to time. Benedict officially moved into my flat in May, although he was actually living in it full time long before then. The first season of Sherlock was a smashing success and Ben was becoming one of the most sought after actors in London. But with that, came a busier schedule. Time together was limited and it seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. He spent most of his time rehersing for _Frankenstein_ or filming _Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy_  while I was loaded down more than ever with cases. We managed to carve out some time for a vacation though. We were leaving for Paris on Friday for a week. Benedict surprised me with the whole thing for my birthday a few months ago and I was so stunned, as he knew I would be, that I actually managed to agree. He'd always known that Paris at Christmas time was my absolute favorite but that it'd been years since I'd been able to go. To say I was excited to spend a week away with the man I love with absolutely no distractions is an understatement.

It wasn't long before I heard the front door swing open followed by him stomping off excess water and snow from his clothes. Moments later large, cold hands wrapped around my waist as a kiss was placed on the back of my head.

"Mmmm, hello my Angel."

I giggled and turned around to face him. My arms instintively wrapped around his neck as I kissed him softly on the lips. 

"How was your day, love?"

"Hectic. Exhausting. Better now that I'm with you. How was work?"

"About the eqivalent of your day. Hope you're hungry."

He bent his head down to place soft kisses on my neck.

"Hungy for you," he mumbled.

"Easy, Tiger. We've got plenty of time to get to that. For now, you need to eat."

"I'll tell you what I'd like to eat, woman."

I gasped. "Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch! Watch your mouth!"

He chuckled as he crossed the kitchen to take a seat.

We chattered away as I finished dinner, talking about everything from our upcoming trip to what gag gift he wanted to get Martin for Christmas. 

"So did you get my message?" he inquired.

"Oh, you mean the one where you casually mentioned that you couldn't wait to marry me and make me the mother of your children?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, that's the one."

"Then yeah, I got it. Those are so pretty big words, Cumberbatch. You sure about all that?"

He shot up, took my face in his hands, and kissed me with more vigor than I ever thought possible. A whole year later and he still made my knees weak. When he pulled back, he whispered, "Oh, Angel...I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life. You are my future and I'm so confused as to how I got so fucking lucky."

Jesus, when he spoke like that...it's like I forgot how to breathe.

A few hours later we were lounging on the couch watching old Doctor Who episodes. I kissed Ben's temple softly and he hummed in delight. God, I love this man. Everything he does is...delicious.

I started massaging his scalp the way I always do when I can tell he's tired and stressed. Seconds into the massage, I heard him snoring quietly. I stifled a giggle as I got up to turn the telly and the lights off. My attempts at keeping quiet were a waste because as I was turned around and bending over to straighten the things on the coffee table, I felt two large hands squeeze my bum. I squealed and turned around to swat at him. 

"Cheeky bastard," I said.

"Ah yes, but I'm your cheeky bastard," he replied.

I smiled and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Lets go to bed, Cumberbatch."

"I thought you'd never ask."

 

A week later

We'd been in Paris for a few days now and I'd officially decided that I was moving here permanently. Benedict would always laugh and shake his head but I could honestly say I'd never experienced such beauty. Sure, London was rich in beauty and history, but nothing like this. We'd seen everything you could think of and I still felt like there was so much more to discover. We'd seen your usual tourist spots like the eiffel tower and made sure to carve out time to see the Mona Lisa at The Lourve museum. We visited the Shakespeare & Co. bookstore, which was hands down Benedict's favorite. Place des Vosges was a close second though with it's many cafes and cobblestone streets.

It was Thursday evening and we'd just finished dinner in yet another fabulous restaurant. It was getting kind of late but something about Paris just gave you so much energy. I'd never felt more alive.

We were walking arm in arm towards the Pont des Arts. I'd seen a lot of things in Paris but that was by-far my favorite. It was beautiful and almost heartbreaking. It was a bit touristy but the view was stunning. You had to wonder if half the couples that wrote their names on the padlocks were even still together. I reverted my attention back to Benedict to notice that he was extremely fidgety. Not his normal, constant movements, but like he was...nervous. I wanted to laugh at first but I started to get worried with each nervous glance or twitch.

"Benedict...Ben, are you okay?"

"Me? Oh love, I've never been better."

We kept walking towards the bridge and all the padlocks. It was an exceptionally frigid December night as snow fell quietly. It made everything soft and sparkly, almost as if a giant white blanket had been laid over the entire city.

I was interrupted from my thougts by a street preformer playing an old French lullaby on an old, beat up guitar. I hummed along to the lullaby as I remembered all the time my grandmother used to sing it to me. I swiveled around to take in the beauty around me. I almost wanted to weep, it was so beautiful.

"It's goregous," I whispered.

"Yeah, you are," he responded.

"Ben, you're supposed to be paying atten-"

"Let's play a game."

I stared at him in bewilderment. This man, I swear....

"Umm okay," I said hesitantly.

He pulled me over towards the railing of the bridge and pulled something out of his coat pocket. 

"Okay, see if you can guess which hand your present is in."

"Present?! Benedict, this trip is my pres-"

"Hush, woman."

I bit my tongue and glared at him. 

I huffed as I tried to see if I could find the littlest hint in his body language. Unfortunately for me, he was too skilled of an actor for that. I finally decided to just guess.

"Okay, fine. Your left hand."

"Ah, well you see," he said as he revealed that there was actually a small, black velvet box in each hand, "you're half right."

He opened the box that was in his left hand. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. It was a padlock with both of our names written in permanent marker. 

"I'm sorry if it's cheesy, I just-"

I kissed him mid-sentence. "It's absolutely perfect, you twit. I love it."

He bent down to attach the lock to one of the links in the fence. I kissed him chastely on the cheek.

"Wait, so what's in the other box?"

"I'm so glad you asked," he grinned as he went down on one knee.

He opened the box and revealed a gorgeous ring I coveted while we were in Dublin a few months ago. Tears started to sting my eyes as I gasped for air. Ben's eyes were spilling over with tears as he fumbled for words.

"Angel, my love, you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. When you found me, I was so, so lost and now I feel like I've found everything I've ever wanted. And I found that in you. You are the love of my life and I thank God every day that some force possessed you to love me back. You're all I'll ever need and that's _more_ than enough. If I'm being honest with myself, I've loved you since the day I met you. Would you do me the honor of letting me love you every day for the rest of our lives? Sadie Catherine Moffat: will you marry me?"

I was struggling for air and my vision was blurry from the tears but I nodded and whispered, "Yes, of course, Cumberbatch."

He stood up and slid the ring on my finger before kissing me. Apparently, people had stopped to witness his proposal because we suddenly heard cheers and congratulations from passersby. 

We made our way back to the main road and back to our hotel. We managed to slide into an empty lift. I crossed over to him and kissed his delicious lips while I reached down to cup his balls. He moaned in the back of his mouth and I could hear his breath hitch slightly. "You'e going to be the absolute death of me, woman," he growled as he grabbed my hand and led me to our room.  Once we were inside, all niceties were gone. He pushed me up against the wall and tore off my coat before doing away with his own. His hands slid down my back and cupped my arse as he lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist as carried us to the bed. He laid me down and practically ripped my jumper and trousers off. I motioned for him to do the same. He leaned forward and kissed hastely down my neck before attack both breasts with that glorious tongue of his. He reached behind me to unhook my bra and pushed my shoulders slightly so I would lay down. He sucked and nibbled on both breasts befoe kissing a trail down my stomach and stopping at the waistband of my knickers. He blew hot air just above fabric before cooling it with a kiss.

"Please, Ben."

That was all he needed because apparently he wasn't in the mood to draw things out.

He hooked his fingers into both sides and slid the soaked fabric down my legs.

"Christ, Sadie. You're so fucking wet. This is all for me?"

"God yes," I moaned.

"Hmmm," he moaned happily.

His tongue darted out to travel the lenth of my slit. Once, twice, more and I was already writhing on the bed.

"Benedict, PLEASE."

He chuckled and pushed inside with his tongue. He immediately went for my clit. He alternated between flicking and nibbling and both were enough to almost push me over the edge. He inserted one finger causing me to buck my hips upward in response. It wasn't enough. I needed him inside me.

"More."

He inserted another finger and I shook my head.

"You know what I fucking want, Cumberbatch."

He chuckled once more before pulling out both fingers. I hissed at the loss of contact but was met happily by the tip of his rigid cock rubbing up and down my entrance. 

"Benedict, I swear-"

That was all I had to say. He pushed into me and we both groaned loudly.

"Fucking Christ, Sadie. You feel so fucking incredible. So soft and warm. Do you like the way I feel you up?"

I nodded and tried to wiggle my hips to get him to move but he wouldn't budge.

"Benedict, fucking hell, please. For the love of God."

He began moving slowly for a minute before picking up pace. Between the marvelous work his tongue did on my clit and the exact angle he was thrusting in, I knew I wouldn't last long. His paced quickened as he grunted. His rhythm was almost punishing now. Half a dozen thrusts later, I felt my body tense up and release all at once. My vision got cloudy and I felt my body go limp. Benedict joined me seconds later. We were both panting and shaking from the absolute pleasure that had just erupted from both of our bodies.

"Fuck, Angel. If that's what engaged sex is like, I think I might die from married sex."

I shook with laughter as he pulled out and rolled over onto his back.

"I think it's a risk I'm willing to take, Cumberbatch."

"Well...as long as we're gonna die together..."

I laughed again as I rolled on top of him for another round.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the ring that I thought Sadie should have. You can now find it in Chapter 16.


	15. Chapter 15

I heard a collective gasp come from the flock of women sitting on the giant couch just outside of the dressing room as I stepped up onto the platform.

"Sadie, you look stunning!"

"Absolutely gorgeous."

I turned to face the women that gathered to watch me pick out my wedding dress. Louise and Amanda were on either side of Wanda while Zooey and my mum were perched on either end of the sofa. Wanda's face lit up with the same smile she passed down to Benedict and that I hoped to pass down to my own children one day. Amanda and Loo beamed up at me as my mum came to wrap me in yet another hug. It was the only thing she could do to stop herself from crying. I turned to face myself in the mirror.

 _Holy shit,_ I thought, _I'm getting married._

"Poor sap," I muttered.

"What was that?" asked Ruby, the sales girl.

"Oh, nothing," I reassured her.

I had to admit, I did look beautiful. Then again, a girl shouldn't be anything but on her big day. It was June now, with only three months left until the wedding. And I still didn't officially have a dress. To say I was panicking was an understatement. Everything was going along smoothly with not much left to be planned but...the damn dress. This dress, however, made me feel like a princess. It was a simple, off the shoulder, and lace. It fit perfectly, a real sign in my book, and I wasn't sure how I'd ever muster the desire to take it off.

I'd never really fantisized about what my wedding day would be like, unlike other little girls. Sure, I knew what I liked, but I always thought that as long as you were marrying the person you loved, that's all that really matters. The rest is just extra.

I'd thrown myself into planning the wedding while Benedict worked almost non-stop. With _Tinker Tailor Solider Spy, War Horse,_ and _Frankenstein_  all filming at back to back, I hardly saw him. He was currently working on the second series of Sherlock before taking a small part in the press tour for Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Once that was done, he'd begin filming Wreckers, a small indie film. Our big day, September 24th, was wedged right smack dab in the middle and I prayed every single night that he wouldn't work himself to death before then.

"D'you really like it?" I asked shly.

Amanda spoke up first. "Darling, if you don't pick this dress, I'm afraid I will have to burn whatever frock you choose and magically replace it with this one. Get the damn dress."

I giggled and did a little twirl.

I turned to find Ruby but she was already by my side, looking at me expectantly. I did the best I could to conceal my smile as I said, "I'll take it."

"Congratulations, Miss."

 

I said my goodbyes to everyone and made my way down to my favorite cafe in all of London. It was yet another cloudy day and cooler than normal for that time of year. I stepped inside the small, shabby corner cafe and placed my order. I took a seat at a small wooden table next to one of the windows and pulled out my to-do list. I scratched things off as I sipped my double espresso. I sensed someone hovering over me so I looked up to find...Henry. I nearly choked on my drink as I struggled to find words, any words, to say.

"You never were a fan of surprises," he joked.

"Wh...what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be off somewhere in Paris working cases and wearing a baret?" I inquired.

He smiled and looked down at his feet as he shoved both of his hands into his pockets.

"Fair enough," he replied.

"No, seriously. Have you beaten someone with a baguette yet?"

"Oh, how I've missed your wit. No, actually I haven't. I'm just back for a week visiting my parents."

"And you thought you'd just stop in my favorite cafe to say hello?"

"No, I-"

I was interrupted by a small, petite blond walking over and placing her hand in his. Her left hand to be exact. Her left hand that sported an enormous ring on a very special finger. That wasn't all that I noticed about her though. Underneath her denim jacket was a baby bump. She didn't look to be very far along but it was still noticable.

_Son of a bitch._

"O...oh," I stammered. I looked at Henry expectantly, waiting for him to introduce the tiny woman to me.

"Oh, sorry, my apologies. Sadie, this is Ella, my wife. Ella, this is Sa-"

"Sadie! I've heard so much about you." Ah, she was British too. 

"Shit, seriously? I'm sorry."

"Oh, no don't be! It was all good, I promise."

I smiled at her awkwardly while I tried to figure out why in the hell Henry would be talking about me to his apparent new wife. 

"Do you mind if we join you?" she asked.

I glanced at Henry but he had an unreadable expression on his face.

"S...sure. Go ahead," I said as I motioned for them to sit down.

There was an awkward silence that settled over the three of us and I refused to break it. Finally, Henry spoke up.

"So, how have you been, Sadie?"

"Really well, actually. Work is busy as always. Mum and dad are still the same. I've actually been busy planning, um, planning..."

_Should I tell him? I mean, he's obviously moved on. But still...I mean, he always thought there was something going on between Benedict and I. I don't want him to think that we really had been together behind his back._

_Oh, fuck it._

"Planning my wedding," I finished.

Shock flashed across his face but vanished almost instantly. He cleared his throat while Ella's face lit up with joy, which was odd considering I'd only known her for a total of three minutes.

"Congratulations," she exclaimed.

"That's fantastic, Sadie," he finally chimed.

"Thank you, really. I should be saying the same to the two of you! Married and a baby?! You sure have come a long way."

He smirked in response.

"So who's the lucky guy?" he asked.

Shit. That's the one question he wasn't supposed to ask.

"Ben...Benedict."

His face fell slightly but I knew he'd deny it if I were to call him out on it so I elected to ignore it.

"Really? Wow...can't...can't say I'm surprised to be honest."

"Why?" I inquired.

"Seriously? Sadie, that guy has been in love with you since that night in the pub. I sat at the other end of the table for three hours watching another man fall in love with you. Those final three months of our relationship were spent watching you fall in love with the man that is obviously you're soulmate."

"You're absolutely bonkers! I was still thoroughly in love with you even after I met him."

"No you weren't, love. It's okay though, truly. It wasn't until then that I realized that maybe we weren't right for each other. I was trying to give you time to realize it yourself but you were taking ages, just like always. I guess I figured there was no way either of us were ever going to be happy if I didn't end it. And look at you know! You're absolutely glowing! I've never seen you so happy."

I felt speechless. _How in the hell did everyone know but me?_

"I'm sorry I put you through that, Henry. I really honestly didn't figure it out for myself until long after you left. I did love you, ya know."

"I know you did, love. I'm not angry or anything. At least, not anymore."

I chuckled softly as I finished the last bit of my espresso.

"What about you? How did you two meet?"

Ella turned and smiled sweetly at Henry as he began, "About six months after we broke up. She had just moved to Paris to work for an art gallery. It was a ridiculously cold and rainy night. She stole my cab." He paused to wink at her.

"That's a total lie," she piped up, "he'd already gotten out."

She beamed at him with more adoration and affection than I'd ever seen. It was the kind of sight that made your heart swell with joy because you knew they truly loved each other, the way you're supposed to.

"Regardless, I demanded she make it up to me by letting me take her out to dinner."

"I went mostly out of pity," she joked, "I don't like owing people things."

I stiflied a laugh. I'd only known Ella for a few minutes but I could already tell that no two people were more perfect for each other than they were. We sat there for an hour as the two of them told me their love story. It was a remarkable one. It was the kind of story that made you believe in love again, even if just for the time you were with them. I looked outside to notice that it had gotten a bit cloudier so I decided to say my goodbyes and make my way home before a major storm hit.

Henry stood up and wrapped me in a hug. I inhaled his scent for what I knew was the last time as he whispered in my ear, "I'm so happy for you Sadie. You deserve it. Good luck, Moffat." He pulled away and I smiled at him as I nodded my head. He'd come a long way since the last time I saw him and a part of me felt nothing but pride despite the fact that his progress had nothing to do with me. I'd barely let go when Ella reached for me. She hugged me lightly and I smiled to myself as I felt her bump brush up against my stomach. 

"Take care you two," I said as I waved goodbye and walked the two blocks back to the flat I shared with the man I love.

 

It was after midnight when I felt the bed move as he settled in and breathed a sigh of relief. They were almost done with the second episode of the second series of Sherlock and I'd never seen Ben more worn out. He scooted up behind me so he could wrap his hands around my waist. He nuzzled my hair before move it out of the way to place a kiss on my shoulder. 

"Oh, my angel," he sighed. Irolled over to face him. He kissed me softly and sweetly, his lips gentle and kind. I found myself struggling to breathe but I always had that problem when he was around.

"How was your day, love?"

"Exhausting. How was yours?"

"Phenomanal," I replied as I tried to conceal my smile.

"Hmm? How so?"

"I...I finally found it. I found my dress."

"You did?! That's fantastic, Angel. I can't wait to see you in it."

"I can't wait for you to see me in it."

His voice dropped as he spoke quietly, "I also can't wait to take it off of you."

"Damn, Cumberbatch. You're so fucking smooth."

"That's what I hear," he retorted. "What else did you do today?"

"Well, I ran into someone. An ex-boyfriend." I felt his body freeze and harden. His jaw tightened as did his grip on my waist.

"Relax, Ben. It wasn't Leo. It was Henry."

"Henry?" he asked. "What is he doing in London?"

"Visiting his parents, I guess. He's married now. His wife, Ella, is pregnant."

"Wow. Who would've thought..."

"Ha, I know. I'm happy for him though. He seemed genuinely happy for the first time since I met him. If anyone deserves it, it's him."

"Ah, see, that's where you're wrong, love. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you. I've never met anyone more deserving."

"Damn, are you ever at a loss for words?"

"I thought the same thing to myself when I first met you. You had me figured out in seconds and didn't exactly hesitate to tell me what you thought, if I remember correctly. Then again, I can't remember you ever hesitating to tell me anything."

I giggled as playfully punched him in the arm.

"Get some sleep, Cumberbatch."

"But-but-"

"In the morning, I promise," I said as kissed him good night, squeezed his bum, and rolled over so that my back was to him. He curled up behind me and fell asleep before I could even tell him sweet dreams.

I muttered it anyways, thanked the wedding Gods for finally leading me to the right dress, and fell asleep thinking dirty thoughts of my soon-to-be husband.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And without further ado...

_Benedict's POV_

_"Come on, just five minutes. I miss you, Angel."_

_"You know the rules, Cumberbatch. You're not allowed to see me before the wedding."_

_I sighed loudly. "Please, Angel."_

_"Sweet dreams, Cumberbatch. See you tomorrow. I'll be the one in white :)"_

I threw my phone down on the phone as I groaned in frustration. Sexual frustration. It'd been about two weeks since we'd last had sex and I was at the point where I honestly felt like I was dying. I always knew my angel would be the death of me but I didn't think it would be this way.

My mind flashed back to what she said. "See you tomorrow." I smiled to myself. I was going to marry this girl tomorrow. I was going to be with this glorious woman for the rest of my life. She was going to be my wife and the mother of my children. I felt my smile turn into a huge grin as I pumped my fist in the air. 

_Jesus, I'm one lucky bastard._

However, none of this solved my current problem that was occurning below my waist. "Damn her and her traditional bullshit," I mumbled as I swiped a bottle of lotion off her nightstand and locked myself in the loo.

* * *

"Christ, Benedict, you're not even awake?!" bellowed Martin. "Bloody fucking hell, get the fuck up before you miss your own fucking wedding!"

 I opened one eye slowly before opening the other and glanced at my alarm clock. 

"Fuck," I muttered. Overslept was an understatement. I shaved carefully but quickly, got in the shower, and met Martin and the rest of my groomsmen downstairs.

"Look, you bastard, I swore to Amanda and Sadie that I would get you there on time. I'm not letting either of them down because let's face it: hell hath no fury like a woman scorned because you were too fucking stupid to get to your own fucking wedding on time. Your suit is in the car. Let's go."

All I could do was laugh at him because despite how incredibly mouthy and sarcastic Martin is, nothing strikes more fear in him than Amanda.

"Alright, alright, let's go then. The only thing still holding us up is you."

He shot me a dirty look before pushing me out the door and into the waiting car.

We arrived at Holland Park Orangery in record time by the grace of those damn wedding Gods that Sadie is always praying to. I was ushered inside and led to a rather large room that was decorated simply with big floor to ceiling windows that filled the room with light. I smiled to myself as I thought about how giddy Sadie got when we booked our wedding here. She claimed that she never really had her wedding planned out but I know a lie when I hear one. It'd been her dream to get married here since she was a little girl according to her mum. 

I changed into my suit and managed to make my hair look halfway decent. I was done with those damn Sherlock curls for now but my hair was still a mess. It was almost time to head to the ceremony and I could practically feel the nerves take over my body. I've never really been one to get nervous but I swear I could've powered all of London with the energy that was flowing through me. I knew there was only one thing that would calm me down. I needed to see her, to hear her voice

I stepped out onto the balcony as I reached for the phone inside my pocket. I scrolled to find her name. She finally answered on the fifth ring.

"You really suck at this, you know that, right?"

I snickered. "Oh I know but what I really want to suck is-"

"BENEDICT. Down, boy. For God's sake, you're mother is in the room. Jesus."

"Am I on speaker phone?"

"No..."

"Then what's the problem?!"

"Is there a reason you're calling to sexually harass me, Cumberbatch? I'm supposed to be getting ready to meet some guy at the alter. Something about a white dress and rings and marriage certificate..."

"Oh yeah, I think I heard about that," I joked. "You nervous?"

"Kind of," she said softly.

"Me too," I replied. "I miss you, Angel. Can I see you? Even if it's just for a minute."

"Afraid not. I'm practically on lockdown. Amanda and Loo are guarding the door like a pack of crazed wolves."

I heard Amanda yell something in the background but I couldn't quite make out what she said. It was probably somewhere along the lines of "fuck you."

"I should go. The photographer just got here and I'm not even anywhere close to being done. I love you."

I sighed. "Not as much as I love you," I replied.

She giggled softly before hanging up.

"You're one lucky bastard, you know that, mate?"

I turned around to find Tom and Matt. Matt handed me a cigarette while Tom handed me a glass of what looked like whiskey. "Why does everyone keep saying that to me?" I asked as I reached for the glass and a lighter. "Because it's true," Matt answered. I smiled just at the thought of her. "She never fails to make me feel like I've hit some sort of jackpot. I don't know what she sees in me but I pray to God she never loses sight of it," I remarked as I took a drag from the cigarette and felt my nerves calm almost immediately. I knew she'd kill me if she found out I was smoking again. She asked me to quit once we started discussing the possibility of starting a family and I was more than happy to oblige but it was times like these when I regretted quitting. I knew this cigarette would make me even more jumpy and nervous.

 _Too late now_ , I thought to myself.

We stood outside for a few more minutes before I went inside to finish getting ready. Before I knew it, it was time to make my way over to the conservatory. My legs shook with anticipation with every step I took. My breathing became rugged as palms suddenly got very sweaty.

I'm not really sure how I got there or how I found my place at the alter but I could feel Martin's hand rest on my shoulder. "Easy there, mate. Just breathe," he whispered. "Easy for you to say," I snapped.

I watched as the guests were seated. The music started and the conservatory fell silent. Groomsmen and bridesmaids glided down the aisle, all smiling at me with looks of knowing. I finally saw my best man, Adam, escorting Zooey, Sadie's maid of honour. 

_Here we go._

The music stopped before starting again to a different tune. The tune the signaled that it was Sadie's turn.

_Breathe, Benedict._

But I couldn't breathe. No way in hell. Because at the end of the aisle was my Angel. Oh God, did she look like an angel. So beautiful and graceful. She walked slowly, arm in arm with Steven. He was beaming down at her. I'd never seen a more proud man in all my life. I glanced over to see tears streaming down Sue's face. I reverted my gaze back to my beautiful Angel.

_Holy shit. We're about to be married. Like, husband and wife. With rings. And a marriage license. She's going to be my wife. I'm going to be her husband. She's stuck with me. Forever. This is the women I get to grow old with. To have children with. To fight with. Hot damn. Could I be more lucky?_

As Steven gave her away, I saw a tear roll down her cheek but he kissed it away before finding his seat next to Sue. She turned to face me as I took her hands in mine.

"Dearly beloved, we gathered here today..."

* * *

"Holy shit, we're married!"

"We are indeed. You're stuck with me now, Moffat."

"I do believe my last name is now Cumberbatch."

"It is, isn't it?" I said as I leaned down to kiss her. She reached up to cup the back of my neck as I held her face in my hands. Her lips were soft but urgent. She smelled delicious and looked even better. I'd eat her right there in the dressing room if I could. We had just finished taking photos as the guests enjoyed cocktails in the garden. We were finally alone now and it was taking everything I had not to pounce on her even in a room full of exposed windows. 

"We've got a few minutes, ya know," I whispered. She smiled at me but shook her head. "Someone will be back any minute to bring us to the reception." I groaned loudly. And not the kind of groan I wanted to be making at the moment. " _ **Please**_ , Sadie. It's been two weeks. Please, love. I want you so fucking badly and seeing you in this dress is _not_ doing the situation any favors. I need you."

She sighed in fake annoyance. "Benedict, what if someone were to catch us? Like your parents? Or my parents? I'd be mortified!"

"Angel, if you honestly believe that they don't know we have sex, then you're sadly mistaken."

"But-"

" **Trust me**. They know. Besides, when has public sex ever bothered you before? I do believe our first time was in Amanda and Martin's study during their Christmas party. Nothing more public than people mere millimetres away, right outside the door. Please, Angel. Please. I'm begging you."

I was silenced by her hand cupping my erection. My breath hitched as she started to palm me through my trousers. 

"Quickly," she commanded.

I walked her backwards until her back was against the wall before dropping to my knees. I lifted her dress until it was around her waist. Her transparent white silk knickers were already soaked. I slid them down her legs before kissing the insides of both of her thighs. I licked up and down her slit a few times before darting my tongue in and out. I found her clit and started sucking and nipping, causing her to writhe and moan.

Oh God, that glorious moan of hers. It was beautiful.

My tongue began making figure eight shapes as she knotted and twisted her fingers into my hair. It hurt like hell but I was so desperate, I didn't care.

I continued alternating between nipping and sucking her clit while I inserted one finger, then another. She bucked her hips forward and she whimpered.

"More," she demanded hoarsly. 

Slowly and cautiously, I added a third finger. 

"Christ, Cumberbatch," she whispered. I pumped in and out of before I reached my own breaking point. She hissed as I pulled my fingers out. I rose and quickly unbuttoned my trousers, yanking them down hastily. My erection sprang free, aching from desire. She licked her lips and I knew she wanted to give me the same pleasure I gave her but there was no time. I wanted nothing more than to yank her dress down and devour each breast. I lifted her off the ground and as wrapped her legs around my waist while simultaneously sinking down onto hot, hard cock. She moaned again loudly and I bit my lip to conceal my own groan. She felt so fucking incredible, it made me want to weep. She was so warm and soft and absolutely soaked. Her tightness stretched around me. I began to move, speeding up before anyone could catch us. I'd never needed anyone the way I needed Sadie in that moment.

I practically pounded her into the wall. Her breathing and cries were frantic as were mine.

She wiggled her hips so that I would hit her g-spot and moments later, she came with a cry of relief and ectstacy. I felt her body go limp. She clutched on for dear life as I continued chasing my own orgasm.

I finally came as I felt her walls milk me in the final throes of her orgasm. My seed shot inside her as I struggled to find air and steady my breathing.

My arms were screaming in agony from holding her up for so long so I pulled out gently before setting her back down on the floor. Our breathing finally returned to normal as we got dressed. She strolled over to the mirror to fix her hair that I had long since screwed up. She didn't look like she minded though. She did, however, look like she'd been properly fucked and that made me a very, very happy man.

As if right on cue, there was a knock at the door. It was Steven. "Come on, you two. Time to make your first big entrance as a married couple," he exclaimed. I felt a giant grin spread across my face as Sadie broke into a fit of giggles. 

"Are you ready, husband?" she whispered as she reached for my hand.

"More than anything, wife." She beamed up at me one more time as we walked back to the party, hand in hand, as husband and wife.

* * *

 

Sadie is brunette but other than that, this is exactly how I pictured her on her wedding day:

Her ring (I know this is different from the one posted in chapter 14 but I like this one better with the different bands):

Because of the timing (September 2011), this is what Benedict would've looked like:

Holland Park Orangery:

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is far from over so please don't think it is just because they're married now! I've still got loads more planned!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a flashback chapter that takes place after Benedict cheats on Sadie and they get back together. Nothing but pure fluff! Enjoy!

_Benedict’s POV_

 

I glanced down at my watch and sighed loudly. Not loudly enough, apparently, because she still wasn’t downstairs and ready to go. “Sadie, my love, you have **got** to hurry up. We’re already late!”

“Oh, bite me, Cumberbatch! You haven’t been on time a day in your life,” she retorted as she came gliding down the stairs. I had to remind myself to breathe.

_Damn, is she going to do this to me everyday for the rest of our lives? Maybe I should invest in some oxygen tanks._

“Let’s go, Cumberbatch,” she whispered as she pinched my arse.

“Hey now! None of that. Not in my mum’s house.”

“What, like you’re parents don’t still touch each other?”

“Don’t know, don’t want to know. Now get that perfect arse of yours in the car!” She giggled at me as she slid into the passenger seat.

 

We were on our way to my parents house. They’d met Sadie before but that was back when we were just friends. We’d only been dating for about a month but I swear it’d been the best month of my entire life. We were going so we could tell them the good news in person. They’d always adored Sadie. I couldn’t wait to see the look on their faces when we told them. However, I had a feeling my mother would have the wedding planned and the names of our children picked out by next Thursday. I glanced over at her briefly as I weaved in and out of London traffic. My heart swelled with love and joy every single time I lay my eyes on her. I couldn't possibly stand to be away from her for more than an hour and the concept of me keeping my hands off that flawless body of hers is a fucking joke. She’s all I ever think about and I’d been learning to cope with the fact that she’d basically taken over my entire mind. She intertwined her fingers with mine on the car ride over and I found myself glancing down at our fingers laced together and couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face every time.

 

Traffic was terrible, as usual, but we managed to not be hideously late. We pulled into the driveway and I began mentally preparing myself for the thousands of questions that were coming our way. I was torn out of my thoughts by the feeling of Sadie’s dainty arms wrapping around my neck and her fingers playing with the hair on the nape of my neck. She smiled sheepishly before placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

 

“Stop worrying, love. Everything will be just fine,” she said in that sweet, angelic voice of hers.

And just like that, I took a deep breath and I really did feel like I was going to be okay. _Damn, she’s good._

We got out of the car and I immediately reached for her hand as we walked up the stone walkway. I took a deep breath and barely finished my first knock on the door before my mother swung it open.

“Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch,” she breathed, “you’re lateness is both rude and ridiculous! When are you ever going to learn to be on time?”

I threw my hands up in defense. “It wasn’t me, Mum. I swear! Blame this one,” I said as I pointed to Sadie. She grinned as my mum embraced her in a hug. “How are you, my love? It’s been ages since Ben’s brought you to see us!”

Sadie winked at me as she shook off her coat. “I know! I keep insisting on a visit but you know Benedict’s train of thought changes with the wind,” she replied.

Mum stifled a laugh as she looked at me. “This one’s got you all figured out, Benedict!”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah yeah yeah,” I mumbled as I went off into the kitchen in search of my dad.

I found him with his back to me. He was humming as he made tea. I’ve always respected my dad in more than just the way a son respects his father. To this day, my father is still in love with my mum just the same, if not more, than he was the day he married her. He’d always gone out of his way to make her feel special, to make her feel loved. Every week, without fail, he’d bring her flowers. It didn’t matter if they had fought the entire night before, you could count on it like clockwork. What my mother didn’t know was that about a year ago, my dad and I went to the local florist that he always buys her flowers from. He set up an arrangement with the company to deliver flowers to my mum every week, even after he dies. I’d always admired and respected my dad and the way he treated mum. I’d always told myself that I wanted a marriage like theirs. Their marriage made me want to love someone in a way that is so uniquely ours that it sets the world on fire. I smiled to myself because I couldn’t help but feel like I’d finally found that.

 

We chatted for a few minutes as he let the tea finish steeping. It wasn’t long before mum came in search of us, curious as to what was taking so long with the tea. I carried the tray into the den as we all took our places. Dad and Sadie began catching up while I looked on and smiled. I was faintly aware of the feeling of someone watching me and I turned my head to see that it was Mum. She had this knowing look on her face with a twinkle in her eye. I grinned as I looked down at my feet before turning my attention back to the conversation between Sadie and Dad.

 

After a few minutes I began to get twitchy with anxiety. I don’t know why I was so nervous to tell my parents about Sadie. They’d always been fond of her, even encouraged me to pursue her a time or two. Finally, enough was enough.

 

I cleared my throat before speaking up. “Mum. Dad. Um, Sadie and I didn’t come here just for a visit.” My mum began shifting in her seat. I knew she knew but she was going to make me say it anyway.

 

Sadie glanced my way nervously. “Umm, we’re, um…we’re…”

“Dating,” she finished for me. A wide grin spread across both of my parent’s faces as Sadie and I breathe a sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank GOD!” my mother rejoiced.

“I’m sorry?” I inquired.

Mum and Dad looked at each other before breaking into a fit of giggles.

Mum finally calmed herself down long enough to say, “We’ve been waiting ages for this! You’ve barely stopped talking about her since the day you told us about her. It was blatantly obvious. We’d considered taking bets on how long it would take you two to get together but you’re father and I were worried we didn’t have that kind of time.”

“Hey now!” I said, pretending to be offended.

“Do forgive me dear, but you’re not exactly...oh dear how should I put this? Very, um, aware in relationships.”

Sadie poked me in the ribs as she joked, “She’s got a point, you know.”

“You’re positively evil,” I joked as I kissed her on the tip of her nose.

Dad interrupted us to share his sentiment. “I for one couldn’t possibly be more happy for you two. I’ve never seen my son happier and now I know who I can thank.” I looked down to find Sadie beaming up at me. I lost my breath once again and struggled to keep my mind clear.

 

We stayed for dinner and I managed to not rip Sadie’s clothes off but that was getting more and more difficult as her skin got dewey and flushed with her glass of wine. She got kind of giggly and I had to watch her because she tended to get handsy the drunker she got. Mum stood up to clear the dishes away but Dad wasn’t having any of that.

“Sadie’s probably going to be cleaning up your messes for the rest of your lives. Best to give her the night off every once in a while,” he said with a wink. I knew better than to argue. Besides, he had a point. I helped him clean up the remnants of dinner before moving on to the kitchen.

 

I began washing the dishes as he took his place beside me to rinse. I could feel one of those serious, memorable father-son talks coming on.

 

“How long have you known?” he asked me.

I grinned in response. He nodded. “I knew the day I met your mum, too. It was almost as if I could feel my entire world shift the second she walked in. Haven’t gone a day without her since. Wouldn’t want it any other way.” I stopped to stare at him in awe. The way my dad loved my mum was unlike anything I’d ever seen. It was powerful. It shook you to your core. It was everything I’d ever wanted.

 

“I’ve always looked up to your marriage, you know. To this day you still light up every time she walks into the room. Most couples lose that after just a few years. How do you do it?”

 

He stopped drying and stepped back. I could tell he was really thinking about his response. My father wasn’t a man of many words and when he spoke, you had to listen because they actually meant something.

 

It was a good five minutes before he spoke again. “You want to know the secret of marriage?” I nodded. “Marry your best friend. Your soul mate. Someone you couldn’t possibly function without. And I’m not talking about not being able to function because they baby you. I mean that they’ve become such a necessary ingredient in your life that there’s no possible way you could continue without them. It needs to be someone that could be your reason for getting out of bed in the morning when you have nothing left.” I was quiet as I took in what he said.

“I have no doubt in my mind that you’ve met your soulmate, Benedict, and I don’t think you do either. You want the kind of marriage your mum and I have? Don’t aim for that. Aim for something that is entirely special and all your own. However, I will say that you do light up when she walks into the room. You should’ve seen your face when she came in with your mum to put dinner on the table. You lit up like a damn Christmas tree.” I smiled down at my feet as I handed him the last of the dishes to be dried. Once he was finished he clapped his hand on my shoulder the way fathers do as he looked me in the eye.

“Son, you got an Angel to chase the devil away and that’s all any man could ask for. Don’t fuck it up. Ever.” And with that, he walked back into the dining room where Sadie and Mum were still sitting and chatting away.

He was right. Then again, when were fathers not in situations like these?

It was getting late and Sadie was starting to sober up but I could tell she was getting tired.

I walked up behind her and kissed the top of her head.

“Ready to go, love?”

She looked up at me and nodded as a warm smile spread across her lips and lit up her entire face. Those smiles were always my favorite.

We gathered our stuff and drifted outside to the car. It was beyond fucking freezing outside so I rushed to kiss Mum and Dad goodbye before practically throwing myself into the car. Sadie was a tad slower than I was. As she leaned in to hug my mum, I couldn’t help but notice that Mum noticed something in her ear and Sadie smiled. She kissed my dad on both cheeks before hurrying to join me in the car.

 

We were halfway home when I finally decided to ask her about what Mum said.

 

“So I couldn’t help but notice that Mum whispered something in your ear as you were leaving.”

“Mmmhmm,” she replied.

“May I ask what it was about?”

“You may but I probably won’t tell you.”

“Not even if I say pretty please?”

“You don’t have to know everything, Cumberbatch.”

“No, but I’d like to.”

“You really wanna know?”  
“More than anything.”

“Okay, fine. She told me ‘thank you.’”

“Thank you?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“For what?”

“For loving you. For taking care of you. That sort of thing.”

“Oh, I see.”

I fell silent again as I thought about what my dad said earlier that evening while we were doing dishes.

We didn’t speak again until we pulled into the garage. She reached for the door handle but I rested my hand on hers to stop her.

“Angel?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For loving me. For taking care of me. That sort of thing,” I said with a wink.

Another warm smile spread across her face. “Any time, Cumberbatch.”

I leaned in and kissed her softly and slowly, taking my time as to enjoy the pillowy-softness of her lips.

I pulled away to pose a question. “How about we go upstairs and let _me_ take care of _you_ for a change?”

“If you insist…”

She got out of the car before me so I decided to hang back for a moment to watch her walk into the house. Every move she made was perfect. She was going to be the death of me, I was sure of it.

My mind flashed back once more to what my dad had said earlier.

“Don’t fuck this up, Benedict,” I reminded myself. And with that, I went inside to spend the night with the one woman that gave me a reason to get up in the morning.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! I think you're all really going to like this one ;)

Sadie’s POV

Nothing could ever make me forget the day I told him I was ready. I have to admit, even I was a bit surprised at the short amount of time it took me to agree, but it’s not hard when it’s Benedict you’re doing it with.

We’d only been married for about six weeks when he first brought it up. I was sitting on the couch in the living room working on paperwork while Benedict sat opposite me reading a script. It was cold and gray outside, yet not a single drop had fallen all day. It was a quiet Sunday afternoon. The only noises heard were the turning of a page or the scribble of my pen on the paper. I’d glance up every now and then and notice that he didn’t seem incredibly focused like he usually was but I’d shrug it off and go back to the mountain of paperwork sitting beside me.

He’d sigh audibly every few minutes but I elected to ignore it until I just couldn’t.

“Something on your mind, love?”

He sat his script down and stared off in space for a moment before answering.

“Nah...well...yeah, but you look busy. It can wait until later,” he assured me.

I sat my paperwork down beside me and turned to face him.

“Shoot.”

“I...well...I know we haven’t been married very long. Only six weeks, but I can’t help but be curious about...a certain matter.”

I felt butterflies awaken in my stomach.

“Go on…,” I encouraged.

“When...have you thought about...about when we might start a family?”

I felt my breath hitch. I knew how badly Benedict wanted children. Hell, anyone who knew his name knew that fact. But we’d only been married for less than two months. I wanted children and I wanted them with Ben but how on earth was this already a topic of discussion. Didn’t we just get off the plane from Greece? We should still be in that “honeymoon” phase or whatever the hell people call it. He sat there looking at me patiently and calmly but I knew him well enough to know that he was screaming internally. I wasn’t ready to even know if I was ready for kids. How was I going to tell him that?

“I...Ben...how...how are you already ready for this? Has the ink even dried on our marriage license?”

A look of hurt passed over his face briefly but I think he knew I had a point. I’d never understood people who rushed into having children just because they had rings on their fingers.

“Look,” he began, “I know this is sort of out of the blue but if we’re being blunt here, which apparently we are, I was ready to have kids with you the second you said ‘I love you’ and believe me when I say that it takes everything I have not to pound you into the mattress every single day and the thought of you being carrying my child...I just...you don’t know what that does to me. You don’t know what you do to me every single day walking around in those tight skirts and trousers that show off that perfect arse of yours. With your soft, delicious skin that looks like it’s begging to be licked and kissed and bit. Your fucking incredible breasts that just...Christ...deserve to be kissed and sucked all the time. And that look? That look you give me when you’re horny…fucking hell, Angel. I don’t know how to control myself most of the time.”

“Well, you don’t,” I snorted.

He rolled his eyes before saying, “Fair point.”

He looked away for a moment before turning his attention back to me.

“I’m sorry for springing this on you, love. I just needed to say it. I wanna know where you’re at with-with all of this.”

Now it was my turn to be silent and pensive. I looked down at my twiddling thumbs while I contemplated my answer. It took me a few minutes to realize I didn’t really have one.

“Benedict, my love, you know I love you and, not unlike yourself, I can’t wait to have children together. However, I just...I’m not ready. Not yet. We haven’t been married that long and I’m not done having you completely to myself just yet. I mean, look at it this way: if we had children right now, do you think I’d be able to rip your clothes off and fuck you senseless on this couch?”

“No, but you could rip my clothes off and fuck me senseless to have children.”

“Benedict-”

“I know, I know. I get it. I don’t want to push you or anything. If you’re not ready then...you’re not ready.

He looked away with a sad puppy dog look on his face. He wasn’t trying to guilt trip me, that was just Benedict.

“Ben, honey, I’m not saying no. Of course I want children! I’m just saying I haven’t even thought about when. I mean, we still have suitcases to unpack for God’s sake. Don’t be angry, please,” I pleaded.

He turned to look back at me with an expression of something resembling frustration.

“How on earth could you possibly think I’d be angry with you just because you’re not as ready as I am? It’s not your fault and I’d never hold that against you. I can’t believe you’d ever think I was angry at you for something like that.”

He took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes with such purpose it was like he was actually trying to see my soul.

He spoke softly. “I’m ready when you’re ready, Angel. I know it’s a big commitment to say you’re ready and willing to bring a new life into this world and be responsible for it’s survival and I wouldn’t want you to agree to it until you’re absolutely ready. Take your time, love,” he said as he kissed my forehead.

He pulled back and I looked up at him and smiled.

He kissed me chastely on the lips before speaking again. “How about I start dinner, hm?”

I nodded and watched as sauntered into the kitchen.

 

* * *

It’d been a few weeks since our discussion about children and he’d been careful not to bring it up again. I knew he didn’t want to push me and maybe it was just some sign from God but I couldn’t help but notice babies everywhere we went. I’d pass anywhere between 5 and 10 just walking down the street. Expectant mothers were constantly sitting across from me on the tube and I even got behind a woman buying a pregnancy test at the chemist last week.

 

If this wasn’t a sign that my biological clock was beginning to tick, I don’t know what was.

 

It had gotten to the point where it was all I thought about when I was alone. Would I be a good mom? What would our kids look like? What would I do if there were complications? Was I even ready? These were all questions I didn’t have the answer to and I swear it was killing me. It wasn’t until this past weekend that I finally came to the realization that I was ready.

 

We were visiting one of Benedict’s old friends, Helen. She had two small daughters that absolutely adored their uncle Ben.

Helen and I were sitting in the solarium while Ben played some fairy game with the girls in the playroom. Helen disappeared into the kitchen to check on lunch when I slipped into my thoughts about babies once again. I hadn’t even realized that she was standing in the doorway until she practically yelling my name.

“Lunch is ready! Would you mind going to get Ben and the girls? I’ve got to go get the clothes out of the dryer before they starting wrinkling.”

“Sure,” I replied.

I climbed the stairs and found Ben wearing a tiara sitting on a stool that was entirely too large for his tall, gangly frame. The girls were giggling as he told them a story in his Alan Rickman voice. I leaned against the doorframe to observe quietly.

Watching Ben with the girls was enough to melt your heart-and your knickers-in 60 seconds flat. I felt like a puddle on the floor. If he was this good with children that weren’t his, what would he do with his own?

It was a good two or three minutes before I decided to make a noise to let them know I was there. I finally cleared my throat and Ben whipped around, startled.

“Lunch is ready. Your mum said to wash up.” The girls groaned but marched down the hallway to the loo.

“Are you hungry, fairy princess?”

“Oh piss off,” he snorted as he reached up to take the tiara off and set it down gently.

 

Ever since then, I couldn’t stop thinking about him as a dad. I’d had lunch with Amanda earlier in the week and she started getting giggly when I told her about how much I was thinking about it.

“Ah, yes. Daddybatch,” she stated.

“I’m sorry?”

“Oh you know I can’t pull Martin off that bloody website. What’s it called? Tumblr? Anyway, he visits the posts about Benedict to find new stuff to tease him about. Apparently Daddybatch is Benedict’s name when he’s around children or something.”

I chuckled, thinking about all the silly things his fans come up with. Martin and I sit down from time to time just to scroll through the website and see what the Cumberladies were talking about.

 

It was a sensitive subject, starting a family, which is why Amanda was the only person I’d told. Telling either one of our parents just felt weird and Zooey had a big mouth. At the end of the day, she gave me the most boring, practical advice ever. She simply told me to talk to him.

“You’ll know when you’re ready. It’ll be all you can think about and the only thing you want. When it gets to the point where it feels like you’re honestly ready for that responsibility and the idea of taking care of a tiny human is truly appealing, you’ll know it’s time.”

I came home that night, ready to make my husband the happiest man on the planet.

I’d always hated the term “trying” for a baby because it just sounded odd, like you’re aiming for a kid but if someone hands you a bundle of bananas, that’s okay too. Besides, half the fun is in getting there. We’d had sex every night since not to mention some of the most sensual morning sessions that resulted in both of us being embarrassingly late for work. I heard the sound of his keys in the door and instantly felt my knickers get a little more wet just at the thought of the night’s activities.

He dropped his keys in the bowl on the table as I tried to slow my breathing.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he said in that dark chocolate voice of his as he sauntered over to where I was on the couch. So much for breathing. He leaned down to kiss me tenderly. So much for those clothes, too.

 

* * *

 

At least this is better than the first time I had to do this.

I felt his hand rest on the small of my back. “I know you’re nervous, Angel. I am too. But...whatever happens...happens. Everything is going to be okay.”

 

I took a deep breath as I went into the loo and shut the door.

 

I came out a few minutes later and set the at-home pregnancy test on the counter as Ben set the timer on his phone. Three minutes. Three agonizingly slow minutes. We sat down on the edge of the bathtub as he took my hand in his. He tried to soothe me with sweet words but nothing on the planet could’ve possibly calmed me down during those 180 seconds. I could feel his frame shake slightly with anticipation while I felt more nauseous than anything.

 

Finally, finally those three minutes were up. I walked over to the counter to pick up the test and compare it to the images on the box while Ben stayed seated.

Okay, so one line means…

and two lines mean…

Tears filled my eyes as I read the results. Ben shot up as disappointment washed over his face.

He tried to wrap me in a hug as he spoke, “Oh Angel, I’m so sorry. We...we can try again next month.”

I shook my head as the tears began falling. I turned the box and the test so that he could see the results.

Two lines. I was pregnant.

Ben’s eyes got wide as his jaw practically fell to the ground.

“Oh...oh my god. Oh my god, Angel. We’re...you’re...we’re…”

“Having a baby,” I finished for him. I grinned despite the tears still streaming down my face.

Before I knew what was happening I felt his arms wrap around my waist, lift me off the ground, and twirl me around. He set me back down, kissing me as he did so.

“I told you everything was going to be okay,” he reminded me.

“Ha, yes you did. Good job, Daddy.”

Tears began filling his eyes now as he stumbled backwards to sit on the side of the tub again.

“I’m going to be a daddy,” he started slowly.

“Mmhmm,” I nodded.

“And you’re going to be a mommy. Fucking hell, Angel.”

I nodded once more. “Are you ready for this, Cumberbatch?”

He looked up at me and smiled through his tears, just as I had done moments before.

“I’ve been counting down the days, my love.”

"Well not you've got to wait about another nine months so...," I countered.

"It's worth it. It's all worth it. Knowing the woman of my dreams is carrying my child? Yeah, I think I can wait another nine months."

"Good. I hear patience is the first skill needed in parenthood."

He chuckled as he stood up and offered me his hand. 

"Come on, let's go look up baby names."

I rolled my eyes as I watched the man I love unravel at his biggest dream coming true.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I apologize for taking such a long hiatus but I'm back! Hope you enjoy the new chapter!

I believe there is some sort of rule about not announcing a pregnancy before the twelve week mark but Benedict consciously chose to ignore that. I was lucky enough to get a doctors appointment mere days after taking the test at home. I was lying on the padded table with my legs spread wide and my doctor probing me while simultaneously adjusting knobs on a computer. My mind and heart were racing and I could see Ben’s knee out of the corner of my eye bouncing up and down. I couldn’t tell who was more nervous. Eventually the doctor found what he was looking for and confirmed that I indeed pregnant. I didn’t think Ben’s smile could get any wider as thanked the man profusely. Once he left, I stood up to get dressed, momentarily stopping to take in the look of absolute awe on Ben’s face. We were barely halfway home before he began begging and pleading to tell our parents.

“They’ll keep it a secret, promise! They’ve been itching for grandchildren for years and I just...I have to tell someone! I feel like I’m going to explode!”

I chuckled and shook my head as I navigated the London traffic.

“I told you I didn’t want to tell anyone until I was twelve weeks. You heard Dr. Ratemaker. I’m about seven weeks now. I think you can hold it in for another five,” I stated.

He sighed in frustration and shook his head. “Ah, you underestimate me, Angel. I’ve been broody for quite some time. You have no idea how hard it is to not roll down the window at each traffic light and shout it to the world,” he said.

I put the window lock on for good measure before replying, “I know how excited you are, love, and it’s so incredibly endearing and sweet but I’m just scared to say something and jinx it. We’re not out of the clear yet. There’s still plenty of time for something to happen and I could lose the baby. I couldn’t bear having to tell everyone something like that,” I half-whispered.

He looked at me quizzically. “Why on earth would you say that?”

I shrugged shoulder as I changed lanes. “I dunno,” I eventually replied. That’s a natural fear, right? It flashes through every woman’s mind when she finds out she’s expecting. I was never one to be a pessimist but I also wanted to prepare myself.

I glanced over to find him pouting like a two year old that didn’t get the toy he wanted. He didn’t say much the rest of the way home and I felt too nauseous to try to soothe his wounds. I managed to pull into the garage and barely got the car door open before practically tearing the door down and throwing myself into the loo to throw up everything I’d eaten that day. Seconds later I felt his large cool hands grab my hair so that it was out of my face. He looked concerned as I continued to hurl up every ounce of food my body could find. Once it was over, slid down the side of the toilet and rested my face on the cool towels.

He tsked tsked at me while stifling a giggle. “Angel,” he began, “that is positively disgusting. Let’s get you to bed.”

I groaned loudly as he reached his hand down to help me up. As I stood up I felt my head go all swimmy as I swayed back and forth. His obscenely large hands gripped my waist tightly.

“Easy there, love.” He bent down and lifted my legs off the ground as if I weighed absolutely nothing. I closed my eyes as my arms instinctively wrapped around his neck. Next thing I knew, I was being laid gently on our bed. He disappeared into the en suite while rubbing his forehead with that ever present worry wrinkle making itself known. He returned with a small wastebin and a cool cloth for my forehead. I smiled at him weakly before falling into a state of sleep so deep, I’m sure he thought I was dead.

The next few weeks passed in a blur of constant nausea and overwhelming exhaustion. When I wasn’t barfing up everything I even tasted, I was sleeping long before the sun even went down. My boobs hurt like hell and I was convinced that Ben was completely disgusted by me and I hadn’t even gained weight yet.

I eventually broke down and agreed to telling our parents. His mother looked like she might burst from excitement and I don’t think my mum had stopped or crying or talking about it since that fateful Sunday dinner. But telling our parents eventually turned into telling a few friends. And then a few more. By the end of the week most of our circle knew. I received congratulatory calls from Matt and David and a rather large and beautiful bouquet from Tom. Martin and Amanda had become our go-tos for advice on pregnancy and parenting but they assured me that something called instincts will kick in and when those fail, just wing it.

It was almost Christmas and Benedict had taken most of the month off. _Wreckers_ was days away from being released but luckily he wasn’t going anywhere far for the press tour. These days I was too tired to the simplest things so he had to take over my usual duties. He didn’t seem to mind though. He brought me special teas and rubbed my back when it ached. He did his best to make me eat _something_ , although it was usually to no avail.

He was coming home from a film festival when he called to check on me. Before I could even answer the call, I felt the urge to throw up yet again. I rushed to the loo, making it in the knick of time. I must’ve passed out because I was awoken a couple of hours later by my husband’s strong hands lifting me off the bathroom floor and placing me in bed.

“Angel, are you sure you’re okay?”

I nodded before mumbling, “‘Course. Amanda says its normal. It’ll pass in a few weeks.”

He eyed me warily before slipping away to take a shower. I was trying to give it my all to stay awake so I could talk to him about his trip but I was failing miserably. I felt so bad because we’d barely had any time to talk since first trimester symptoms kicked in.

_Just stay awake a little longer…_

It was no use. I could feel my eyes betraying me as they closed for the night.

 

I woke up a few hours later. The room was dark and slightly cold, Benedict sleeping soundly beside me. Something didn’t feel right. I felt a razor sharp pain cut through my lower stomach. I immediately curled up into the fetal position and clutched my stomach. I winced in pain as the sharp pangs continued. I threw the covers off and did my best to gently slide out of bed, as to not wake up Ben. I rushed into the ensuite, trying desperately to make it into the small room attached that housed the toilet. As I walked, another pain so searing and sharp ripped through my body, it knocked the wind out of me.  I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even yell for Ben. I fell onto my knees in the middle of the bathroom, silently praying that nothing was wrong. I knew my prayers would remain unanswered when I felt and saw blood trickle down my leg. In fact, my pajama bottoms were soaked. I rested my head on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor as tears streamed down my face. The pain I felt was unlike anything imaginable. I wanted so desperately for it to stop yet I couldn’t even scream. It was more like a whimper, the sound I was making, and I knew it wouldn’t be loud enough for Benedict to hear.

Call it instinct, spidey senses, or me being louder than I thought I was but I heard the bathroom door fly open. I lifted my head to see Benedict’s face completely drained of color and tears forming in his eyes.

He spoke hurriedly, “Oh my Angel. What’s wrong? What is it? Speak to me. Wait-”

He dashed back into the bedroom and called 999. He tried to move me somewhere more comfortable than the bathroom floor but everytime he laid a finger on me, I winced in pain or screamed in agony. All I could do was cry and pray that I-and the baby-made it out alive.

A few painfully slow minutes later, there was a knock on our door. Ben glanced at me with a look of desperation and I could tell that he was terrified to leave my side. I could see him bolt down the stairs and return moments later with EMTs. I cried out in pain as they lifted me onto the gurney. Without realizing it, I had been taken into the ambulance. Ben scrambled in behind me as they closed the doors. The EMT sitting in the back with me, a short, stout older gentleman with salt and pepper hair and a beard to match, asked me questions as he pressed on various parts of my body. When he finally reached the area of concern, worry washed over his face as Ben explain that I was pregnant.

“Okay, Mrs. Cumberbatch, we’re going to give you something for that pain, okay? We’re just minutes away for the hospital. Hold on, okay, love?”

I tried to nod but the pain was so excruciating that it block out all other feelings so I wasn’t sure if I actually moved my head or not. I fell asleep with Benedict running his fingers through my hair and making quiet shushing noises in my ear.

 

What felt like hours but was actually mere minutes, I woke up in an annoyingly bright white room. I could hear the buzz of the fluorescent lights above and the shaking of Ben’s leg as he bounced it in an attempt to do something with his nervous energy.

 

“ _Christ_ , where are the fucking doctors?” he mumbled to himself.

I moved slightly to alert him that I was awake. He rushed over, kissing every inch of my face, arms, and hands he could get to.

“Oh, oh my Angel,” he sobbed.

There was a soft knock on the door.

“Come in,” Ben muttered.

A tall older man came in. He wore a white labcoat so I assumed he was the doctor. He cleared his throat before speaking. “Mrs. Cumberbatch, I’m Dr. Field. I want you to know that we’ve run every possible test we can in order to find out what went wrong. Unfortunately, by the time you got here, it was too late. I’m so sorry but I’m afraid you’ve miscarried. For some people, not unlike yourself, their bodies just reject a pregnancy. We’ve got no accurate way of knowing why your body rejected the pregnancy so I’m afraid I can’t give you many answers there. All we really know is that your body essentially shut itself down in order to protect itself from something. Your vitals seem to be coming back to normal but in order to be safe, we’ve got to keep you here for the rest of the night. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask one of the nurses or have them page me.”

He patted my hand before turning to leave. I tried to speak but I just...couldn’t. No words would form in my fuzzy, cloudy brain. All I could do...was weep.

 

I must’ve eventually fallen asleep because I could see daylight streaming through my window the next time I opened my eyes. Ben must’ve called our parents because when I woke up, both my parents were sitting in hospital chairs in one corner of the room. The were talking in hushed voices and I couldn’t focus enough to figure out what they were saying.

 

“Wh...where is Ben?” I mumbled.

Their heads jerked up and in my direction. The both rushed out of their chairs and over to my bed.

My mum started scratching my head softly like she used to do when I was little as Dad answered, “His parents took him back to your flat to get the car so you can go home. He should be back soon.”

I nodded. A nurse popped her head in and saw that I was awake.

“Good Morning, Mrs. Cumberbatch. How are we feeling today?” she asked a little too cheerfully

I looked away as I tried to figure out how I felt, both physically and emotionally.

“I’ve been better,” was all I could manage.

“Oh that’s to be expected, love. You lost an awful lot of blood. Your vitals are climbing back up to where they should be. You can go home in a few hours. The doctor will be in soon.”

I didn’t respond as she fiddled with my IV before quietly leaving.

It was a while before anyone spoke. Eventually my mum broke the silence. “Oh Sadie, I’m so-”

**“Don’t.”**

She swallowed visibly as her eyes clouded with tears.

Dad rested his hand over hers to silently comfort her. I turned away. I didn’t want to face anyone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted the world to melt away.

 

A few minutes later Ben arrived with fresh clothes. He smiled sympathetically at me but even his heart-palpitation-inducing smile did nothing for me. The doctor arrived shortly after to give me the all-clear to go home. Ben offered to help me get dressed but he looked as if he were scared to even look in my direction. I mumbled something akin to “whatever” as I began untying the hospital gown. As the gown slid down my gaunt frame, my eyes fell on my stomach where a life was growing rapidly just yesterday. My hand instinctively flew to the soft flesh. I lifted my arms to put my jumper on but yelped in pain as I felt a white hot flash of pain rip through my stomach. Ben’s arms reached out to catch me. I gripped his shirt as I sobbed into his chest.

“Wh...what did I do wrong? Why couldn’t I keep my baby, Ben? It had to have been something I did. Please please please just tell me. I want my baby, Ben. Oh god, please,” I sobbed. One of his arms snaked around my waist to hold me close while the other hand patted my head.

I heard him sniffle, a sign he too was crying, as the tears continued to flow out of my own eyes.

 

“I’m so, so sorry, Angel. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take this pain from you. I...it was nothing you did. We’ll try again, I swear. I don’t care if we have to buy a baby off the street, I’ll do whatever I have to to make you happy.”

 

He ran his fingers through my hair as I summoned whatever strength was left in my body to stop crying. Someone was bound to walk in any minute and I didn’t want to deal with sympathy from anyone else.

I finally dried up the last of my tears and turned to continue getting dressed. As Ben went around the hospital room collecting our things, I struggled with whether or not I should ask him the one question that had been on my mind since arriving here last night.

 

“Ben?”

“Hmm?”

“D...do you think that this is...I don’t know...payback or karma or whatever for...for not keeping Leo’s baby?”

Shock colored every square inch of his face as he dropped everything in his hands in flew to my side.

He grabbed me by the shoulders as he looked straight into my eyes.

“I want you to listen to me, Sadie Cumberbatch. This was **not** some sort of karma for your choice to not have a baby with Leo. That’s not how this works. You did what was best for _you_ and that doesn’t warrant some kind of payback. That man was sick and disgusting and no God would try to punish you for choosing not to have that sick fuck’s baby. We just weren’t meant to have _this_ baby. Do you understand me? I don’t ever want to hear you say anything like that again.”

I gulped and nodded. He leaned in and kissed my forehead softly.

“Let’s go home, love. I think what you and I need is rest in our own bed.”

I nodded again as he took my hand in his.

 

I may not be walking out of the hospital with a baby now or months from now but I was walking out with the man I love and that had to be enough for anyone, right?

  
Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for being such incredible, loyal readers. Your continuous support and enthusiasm are the things that encourage me to keep telling Sadie and Ben's story. I won't keep you on a cliffhanger for long, promise!


	20. Chapter 20

November 2011

Ben and I arrived home later that afternoon. Mum and Dad begged and pleaded to come with us in case Ben couldn’t handle me on his own but the thought of being around people at that time made me...angry. And as much as I hated to admit it, Ben was included in that category. Once the doctor cleared me to go home, I was wheeled out to a side entrance and tucked safely into the passenger seat of Ben’s car. It was warm and smelled deliciously like leather. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and stared blankly out the window. The raindrops streaming down the tinted window mimicked the tears on my face. He opened the driver’s side door and slipped in. I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was staring at me, waiting for me to say something. I could feel the tension and guilt swirl with the worry that radiated off of him. I could sense that he was trying to figure out how to say something to me, anything.

He cleared his throat as he spoke, “Darling, are...are you ready to go?”

I didn’t make a sound. I just simply nodded as I continued to stare out the window at the cold, soggy town of London.

He weaved in and out of the traffic, pulling into the garage in under 20 minutes. I unbuckled my seat belt and opened the door with great care, being careful not to move to abruptly and cause any pain. He was right behind me, his arms practically stretched out, ready to catch me if I fell at a moment’s notice.

He was already getting on my nerves.

I stepped inside and shook off my coat and shuffled into the kitchen. I looked around, noticing how empty it felt. Or maybe it was just me that felt empty.

I felt his large hands come to rest on my shoulder.

“Maybe you should go upstairs and have a lie down, hm?”

I glanced back at him without really acknowledging anything he said. I wanted to propel myself forward, force myself to move my right foot then my left and carry on with my life but I just..couldn’t. I was frozen in place. Moving forward sounded terrifying because it meant I had to do so without my baby. Was I not good enough to be a mum? Was this God’s way of telling me “No, not you. You’d be a shit parent” or something? My heart-no, my whole body-ached in the worst of ways and this wasn’t the kind of ache that would go away with a few sweet words, a nice, long soak in a hot tub, or by some sort of pill.

“Darling? Can I get you anything?” he asked gently.

“N...no,” was the only sound I could manage.

 

_Right foot, left foot._

_Right foot, left foot._

_Right foot, left foot._

I forced myself up the stairs before collapsing on the bed. I heard Ben climb the stairs quietly a few minutes later.

“Let’s get you out of those clothes, Angel,” he suggested. I didn’t move nor speak. I didn’t even want to think about undressing in front of him. It had nothing to do with my body changing from the pregnancy. In fact, it had barely changed because it was so early in the pregnancy. It came down to me feeling violated. I felt like this wall had been built in a matter of a day and now he felt like some sort of stranger, peaking in.

I spoke up, saying more words than I had since we’d left the hospital. “Would you mind giving me a minute?” 

“Of course,” he replied, backing away slowly before closing the door quietly behind him.

I changed quickly into my favorite ratty old pyjama pants that I’d had since University and a t-shirt twice my size. I grabbed the bedspread and sheets and flung them back, gasping at what they were hiding. The white sheets that adorned the bed were now polka dotted with small, red circles of blood.

Without even realizing it, I’d begun sobbing violently. It was the quiet kind. No noise was made because you didn’t know which emotion to feel first.

I felt a familiar, large hand rest on the small of my back as the other found my cheek. Benedict brushed away the tears on my cheek as he shushed me. I felt myself collapse into his arms as the emotions and reality of what really happened the past 24 hours slammed into me.

He held me like that for what felt like hours without saying a word. He gently ran his fingers through my hair with one hand while he lazily traced circles on my back through my t-shirt with his other hand. By the time I was able to slow down the tears and take a deep breath, Ben’s shirt was absolutely soaked.

I pulled back and looked at him as I searched for something to say.

“Sorry about your shirt,” was all I could manage.

He chuckled softly and shook his head. “Oh Angel, I couldn’t care less about this shirt. The only thing that matters to me right now is you. Tell me, what can I do?”

I smiled up at him as I contemplated what I needed.

“Just...just help me get through this,” I replied softly.

He nuzzled his nose into my hair and sighed.

“Done.”

 

* * *

 

_December 2011_

 

A few weeks had passed since the miscarriage. I was slowly returning to what felt like normal and was beginning to pass babies on the street without bursting into tears or falling into a dark tunnel of depression. The subject of trying again was completely off limits at this point and luckily Ben was wise enough not to bring it up. He was too busy waiting to hear back from JJ Abrams. He’d sent in a homemade audition tape a couple of weeks ago for the new Star Trek movie and still hadn’t heard back. When I asked him who he would be playing, he shrugged his shoulders and mumbled, “I don’t really know.” I laughed at him endlessly but he always shook his head and said, “But it’s JJ Abrams, love.”

 

If he got offered the role, that would mean 3-4 months on the other side of the world in California. I shuddered at the thought of having to spend that much time away from him. We were slowly working our way back to normal. I wasn’t ready to face the days without him. I knew he would instantly beg me to come with him but taking months off from work wasn’t exactly acceptable. I was making myself sad so I pushed the thoughts to the back of my brain. We would cross the bridge when we came to it.

 

It was mid-december now, Christmas only a week and half away. I sat on the tube, staring off into space, when I felt my phone vibrate. It was a text from Ben.

 

_Hurry home, Angel. I’ve got some news :)_

I smiled as I typed back.

_Ah, alas my magic powers don’t allow me to make the tube go faster. Be home as soon as I can._

Thirty grueling minutes later I finally reached my stop. I pushed through the hoards of people and up the stairs. Once I hit the sidewalk, I could feel the stares.

Ben was becoming more and more famous with each passing project. With that, came interest in his life that we were both trying to get used to. It was an adjustment to be followed when you went out on a date or photographed going to get coffee. Some people were getting more and more brazen with their questions and how far they were willing to go to get answers. It was one thing to read about the Johnlock fanfiction and see the beautiful edited photographs of Ben on Tumblr. It was another thing entirely to have a neighbor peeking in through the window and tweeting what we were doing.

I could hear a group of teenage girls whispering.

“D’you think that’s her?”

“No, it couldn’t possibly be…”

“She looks JUST like her though.”

“She’s wearing a ring. Is it the same ring?”

I quickly fiddled with my ring and turned the diamond around so all they saw were the bands. I loved Ben’s fans. For the most part they had been nothing but kind to me, but I wasn’t even with Ben at the moment. There was no need for a fuss to be made over me.

I flashed them a smile as passed them then picked up the pace. It was too cold for all of this.

I walked the remaining two blocks before finally reaching our flat. I unlocked the door and immediately threw my bag on the floor. I shrugged out of my coat and kicked off my heels. I could smell something delicious the second I walked into the open space that was the kitchen and living room. It smelled cheesy and frankly, that was all I needed to know.

I walked into the kitchen and stood behind him as I pressed kisses on his shoulder blade through his thin t-shirt.

“You made dinner? You’re such a good husband. I think I’ll keep you.”

“‘Course I did. You’re my wife and you had a hard day. I, however, spent the day awaiting a special phone call.”

“Ah. And did you finally get it?”

He turned around as a giant grin spread across his face.

“I did. In fact, not only did I get the phone call...I got the part.”

“Oh my god! Did you really?! That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you! I knew you could do it, you sexy actor man you.”

He growled as his arms snaked around my waist.

“I thought I should make you dinner since I won’t be here for a few months,” he stated.

“Nonsense! We should’ve gone out to celebrate! This is huge for you, love.”

He giggled, “ I know but it’s fucking freezing outside and in all honestly, I just want to spend time with you. Going out in public means dealing with loads of people and I just want you all to myself.”

“Then that you shall have,” I responded. My stomach gurgled and growled with hunger.

“Hmm, sounds like someone is hungry. Eat, wife. Did you not eat lunch today?” he questioned.

I shook my head in response.

“And why not?” he prodded. He was worried, I could tell. He was so damn cute when he worried. My appetite had decreased considerably since the miscarriage and it worried Ben constantly.

“Maybe you should go to a doctor, love. I mean I know that it’s been hard on you but…”

“Stop. We aren’t talking about me tonight. We’re talking about you and how proud I am of you. You can mother me tomorrow.”

His jaw dropped. “I do not mother you,” he protested.

I scoffed, “Oh, you sooo do.”

“I worry. There’s a difference,” he shot back.

I shot him a look. A look that said “drop it or I’ll drop kick you.”

We really love each other, promise.

We spent the rest of the evening discussing when he would leave, when I’d visit, and how excited he was to be a part of the project. He beamed with enthusiasm and excitement. It was absurdly adorable.

 

Later that night, we were lying in bed. My mind began racing. Whether or not I wanted to admit it, I wasn’t ready to be alone yet. Ben was asleep beside me. I glanced over, feeling a little pang when I thought about the fact that in a matter of weeks, this bed would be empty for three painfully long months. I cringed.

“Stop worrying,” he mumbled.

“Hmm?”

“I know you. You do this every time I have to leave for a project. You stay up and you worry and over think and panic. It’s not healthy. Everything will work out just fine. You’ll come and visit me for two weeks half way through and we’ll skype and call and text like we always do. Please stop freaking out and get some sleep.”

I’ll admit, he really does know me well.

“What will I do without you here? I’m...I’m scared,” I whispered.

He turned on his side to face me, a look of concern spreading across his face.

“What are you scared of, love?” he inquired.

I fiddled with hands before turning on my side to face him as well.

“I’m..I’m scared...of being alone. You haven’t left my side for more than a few hours since the miscarriage and I’m afraid I’ve come to rely on you. I don’t know how I’ll handle you being away for that long.”

“Do you want me to call JJ and tell him I can’t take the role?”

My jaw dropped. “Absolutely not. I should smack you for even suggesting it. Forget I said anything. I’ll be okay, I swear.”

“I’m not just going to forget it. What you and I both went through was extremely traumatic and I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting to be by yourself. Maybe Zooey could come and stay with you for awhile? She’s not me but at least you’d have someone.”

It actually wasn’t a bad idea.

“Yeah, maybe. We’ve never been apart for this long and certainly not this far away. It’s just a little nerve wracking, I guess.”

“Totally understandable, Angel.”

“You know what else I’ll miss?”

“What’s that?”

“I’m gonna miss this,” I said in a low voice as my hand slipped past the band of his boxers and wrapped around his cock. I could feel it begin to harden under my touch.

A deep, low rumble arose from his chest.

“Not as much as it’ll miss you,” he breathed as my grip tightened slightly. I slowly began working my hand up and down. With each moan and growl that passed his lips, I could feel a rush of warmth and wetness surge through my cunt. In one swift movement he rolled me onto my back, his delicious, warm body hovering above me.

“Let’s see if we can ease those worries, shall we?”

I smirked as my lips reached for his.

Oh yes, this would ease my worries quite nicely.

 

* * *

 

_May 2012_

It had been four lonely months without Ben. Zooey stayed with me for a while but I eventually got used to being by myself. We called and texted each other regularly with plenty of dirty skype sessions to ease some of the loneliness. Nothing truly erased the emptiness though. I craved his body next to mine every morning but now, after the four longest months of my entire life, Ben was coming home. I visited him for two weeks half way through his stay in California  but I don’t think we ever left the hotel room, or the bed for that matter.

I heard the front door swing open and a thud of a suitcase being dropped carelessly on the floor.

I rounded the corner and found him looking so fucking delicious my body could barely contain the excitement.

“Hey there, stranger. I’ve missed you.”

A wicked grin spread across his face as he approached me. “I have thought about that ridiculously sexy body of yours the entire plane ride. Let me show you much I missed you,” he grunted as he lifted me off the ground and wrapped my legs around his waist.

 

* * *

 

_July 2012_

“YOU NEED ME TO BRING YOU WHAT?!” shouted Zooey.

“Would you shut the fuck up?! You know what I asked you to bring. Be quiet about it. And whatever you do, don’t say anything to anyone, especially Benedict.”

“You mean he doesn’t know?! Jesus, Sadie!”

“Quit yelling at me and get over here pronto,” I growled and hung up.

 

Twenty agonizingly long minutes later, a knock at the door had me across the room in .05 seconds. I barely had time to get the door open all the way before she burst through, almost knocking me down in the process. She whipped around with her jaw practically on the floor.

“This is absolutely ridiculous! Haven’t we already been here before? You know? Hiding the pregnancy tests from Ben and all?”

“Yes, you twit but we’re not here to walk down memory lane. Now let me go take this test before Ben comes home.”

With each step I climbed, I could feel my anxiety get worse and worse. My anxiety must have been palpable because I could feel Zooey’s hand reassuringly on my shoulder.

“Remember: it’s okay if you’re not pregnant. You will get your baby one day, Sadie. I swear it.”

I nodded as I opened the box.

 

Five excruciatingly long minutes later, I heard the timer on my phone being to sound.

_You got this. You can do it. It’s okay if you’re not pregnant. It’s okay._

I crossed the ensuite and picked up the pregnancy test off the counter. I didn’t even have to look at the box to know what the lines meant. I’d done this before.

 

I wasn’t pregnant.

 

I felt my world crumble down around me. When did I sit down. I was crying? I hadn’t noticed.

The only thing I noticed was the unmistakable pain in my chest. Zooey held me there for almost an hour as I wept. A part of me was glad I didn’t tell Ben that I even thought there was a possibility. That would’ve just been another disappointment for him. On the other hand, I wished that I had. No one understood what we were going through but us. None of our friends had problems getting pregnant or they just weren’t at the place in their lives. I was alone in this.

I shed a few more tears before getting up and shaking it off the best I could. It was time to really carry on with life. Maybe it would happen when I least expected it, when we weren’t really trying.

 

Later that evening, Ben came home to find me on the couch, cuddled up, reading one of my all time favorites: Pride and Prejudice.

“What’s wrong, Angel? You look so sad.”

I gazed up, absentmindedly. “Hmm?”

“Is everything alright?” he questioned.

“Yeah, absolutely.”

Lie.

“I’m just tired, that’s all”

Lie. Lie. Lie.

His expression said it all. No way in hell did he believe me but he wasn’t about to question me if I didn’t obviously want to talk about it.

“You would tell me if something were wrong, wouldn’t you angel?” he asked with his worry wrinkle prominent and an almost frown on his face.

“Don’t I always?” I half smiled.

He sort of smiled to himself, “Ha, eventually, yes,” before getting up and wandering into the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

_One Week Later_

 

I was sick. Horribly, Horribly sick. I felt absolutely disgusting and couldn’t keep anything down. I thought I was dying. Ben thought I was pregnant. I scoffed in his face with my disgusting breath.

Eventually he convinced me to go to the doctor since it didn’t stop after a few days. He insisted on going with me, the poor bloke.

Ben sat in the uncomfortable plastic waiting chair as I sat on the examination table with my feet dangling off. We waited semi-patiently for the doctor to return with my test results. He’d taken a blood and urine sample just to be sure when all I wanted was a trash can and a good lie down.

There was a soft knock on the door before the doctor, an older gentleman sort of resembling Dick Van Dyke, entered the room.

“Ah, Mrs. Cumberbatch. We’ve got your test result here. It was just as I suspected. You see, there’s nothing that can really be done to help your with your nausea. According to your test result and the information you gave me, I’m quite happy to tell you that you’re pregnant,” he said, beaming.

“What?! How is that even possible I took a test last week and it came out negative.” Oh shit. Ben didn’t know.

Well, now he did.

“Hm, well it’s true that the technology used in at-home pregnancy tests have improved greatly, they’re still not 100%. Although I do find it quite odd. You seem to be around 6 or 7 week mark so there’s no reason it shouldn’t have picked it up.”

I looked at Ben. He was absolutely frozen. His expression was nothing but pure shock. As the doctor continued on about how I need to see my obstetrician, I noticed a giant grin slowly spread across Ben’s face. The doctor finished and left, congratulating us as he went.

Ben immediately shot up and crossed the small examination room to stand before me.

“Is the reason you looked so sad last week because you took that test and it was negative?”

I looked down at my feet before answering, “Yes.”

“I wish you would’ve told me.”

“I know but I didn’t want to give you hope if there was none to be had.”

He took my hand in his as he looked directly into my eyes.

“Oh Angel, there is nothing but hope to be had. You’re carrying my child and that gives me the utmost joy and hope that I could ever ask for. You’re an incredible woman, you know that?”

I giggled, “I’d like to think so.”

With my hand still engulfed in his, he helped me hop down from the table.

“Come on, Mama bear, is there anything you’re craving?”

While the nausea had subsided long enough for me to get to through the appointment, it had returned...with a vengeance.

“Christ no.”

He laughed loudly.

“Watch it, Moffat. You can’t say such bad words around the little one!”

“Oh piss off!” I jokingly shot back.

He leaned down and kissed my cheek.

“You’ll be an excellent Mum.”

I smiled bigger than I had in months. I was going to be a mum. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you so much to each and every one of you that take time out of your day to read, leave comments, and kudos. I never thought that this many people would be interested in a little dream of mine. You are all angels :)
> 
> ALSO: I'm looking for beta reader to help me with feedback, editing, and grammar so if you're interested, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. Preferably someone who is experienced with that kind of thing. Thank you all so much!


	21. Author's Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured that this would be the best way to do this since most of you probably don't follow me on Tumblr or Twitter.

Hello all,  
I am so sorry that it's taking me such a long time to get anything new posted. My schedule is so busy between work and school and on top of all of that, I've now got MAJOR car issues stressing me out. I promise I'm not giving up on this story! Ben and Sadie will get an ending, I swear, it just might take longer than expected. Thank you all so much for your patience and understanding. I never thought I'd have as many people reading this story as I do and I'm so grateful for each and every one of you. I promise I'll find my way back to this story soon. I've got spring break coming up in about two weeks and I hope to set aside some time to write in that time.

I couldn't possible thank you all enough for reading this story and giving me feedback as well as having the utmost patience with me.

You are all angels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PPPSSSSSSTTTT:  
> Come and be friends with me on Tumblr. You can find me at moffat-is-evil.tumblr.com  
> Let's chat about life and the Cumberbooty and you can ask me how to make cookies and if I'm writing. I love making internet friends so please don't hesitate to stop by.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize so deeply for taking months and months to update this story. For those of you that don't know, I lost my mother in October from cancer and when my world went away, so did any inspiration. I can't even say that this story was on the back burner because it wasn't on a burner at all. I hope I haven't lost you and that you stick with me as I get back in the swing of things as I finish up Ben and Sadie's story.

Tick...Tick...Tick…

 

Time was passing but not quickly enough. I was pretty sure I’d told Ben I was going to bed over four hours ago and I hadn’t even so much as closed my eyes. I tossed and turned, made mental lists, daydreamed about the multiple scenarios that could play out tomorrow and I still wasn’t the least bit tired.

 

“Urrrgg,” I huffed as kicked off the covers and practically threw myself out of bed. I padded down the stairs quietly, careful not to make too much noise incase he was seriously concentrating on something. I walked into the living room to find him in an old, faded grey t-shirt and black sweatpants. His feet were propped up on the coffee table and his brow was furrowed as he concentrated on what looked like a script. I walked around the couch to stand in front of him. He immediately looked up at me and smiled, something that never failed to steal my breath away. “What’s the matter, love?” he asked as he grabbed my hand.

 

I made a pouty face and straddled him on the couch.

“What if...What if I’m not meant to do this? What if I’m not going to be a good mum?” I said quietly.

A look of concern passed over Ben’s face.

“Oh, Angel, of course you’re meant to do this. I’ve seen you with children. You are incredible with them. Nothing is going to go wrong tomorrow.” He placed his hand on my small, growing bump before he continued, “I promise you, my love, everything will be just fine.”

 

I looked down and fiddled with my hands. I knew it was normal to be nervous, especially because I was a first-time Mom, but nothing seemed to ease my worries these days. I moved my hair behind my ear as I struggled for words.

 

Ben placed his hands on either side of my face and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“What do you say we go on to bed? I’ll even give you a massage,” he growled. A grin almost as big as his spread across my face before I climbed off him and practically leapt up the stairs.

  
  


I woke up the next morning and could immediately feel the butterflies settle in. I was always nervous for every doctor’s appointment but this one in particular was nerve wracking. We were going to find out the sex of the baby today. It’s not like we had a preference. We just wanted a healthy baby, like most people. But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious.

 

I rolled over to see that Ben was still fast asleep so I did my best to get out of bed without moving the mattress. I slipped into the en suite to brush my teeth and try to tame the beast that was my hair. I washed my face-twice-to give me something to do other than think about the doctor’s appointment. I stood back so I could see my full body in the bathroom mirror and lifted my shirt up. There was a small bump that let me know that there was indeed a baby in there. I could feel him or her move but I was anxiously awaiting that special moment. I rested my hand on my belly and smiled.

“I can’t wait to meet you,” I whispered. Tears stung my eyes. Damn hormones. I shook my head as if that would ward off the tears and I crept downstairs and started the kettle. Although I had butterflies that were more like birds in size, I still had an appetite. I took bread and eggs and began to whip up a favorite from my childhood: toad in the hole. The smell of bread cooking in butter soon wafted through the kitchen and I knew it wouldn’t be long before it woke Ben. I shook the pan and flipped bread carefully as I went through all the possible scenarios for today.

 

To say I’m worrier would be an understatement.

 

I sat at the kitchen island and ate slowly as I flipped through a children’s clothes catalog. I began daydreaming of what our life was going to be like when the baby finally arrived. Ben was taking some time off but where would we go from there? Just how often would he be away? Was I going to raise this baby by myself why he went off around the world making movies? Would we have to move to New York or L.A?

 

I heard the stairs creak as he moseyed down to the kitchen. His curly hair pointed in all different directions and I couldn’t help but giggle as he yawned and stretched like a five year old.

He still made my heart flutter. I loved that man more than I ever thought a human being could love something.

 

I looked down at my plate and suddenly felt bad for not thinking of him.

“I’m sorry, love. I would’ve made you one but I didn’t know when you’d be awake,” I told him.

“Eh, don’t worry about it. I’m gonna have to start watching what I eat here soon. Your dad and Mark are getting closer and closer to finalizing things on Sherlock.”

“Ah, yes. Gotta make all those fangirl hearts flutter.”

He rolled his eyes.

“You and Martin both, I swear,” he huffed. I giggled even more as I got up to put my dishes away.

“Shower time,” I stated.

“Oh?” He inquired.

“Yes sir. I’m feeling kind of...dirty.”

I smirked and turned on my heels, heading for the stairs and dropping one article of clothing at a time. My hormones were all over the place and I craved Ben more than ever before. He didn’t seem to mind. He chose projects close to home just to satisfy my every need or want. Besides, it’s not like he wasn’t reaping any benefits either. Nothing seemed to turn him on more than the sight of me carrying his baby. I’d happily be pregnant for the rest of my life if it meant we could always do this.

“Oh dear God help me,” he whispered as he chased me up to the shower.

 

Hours later we were both actually showered, dressed, and acting like grown ups as we sat in the waiting room for my appointment. I twiddled my thumbs as I watched Ben’s foot bounce up and down. The receptionist kept staring at us and she wasn’t the least bit stealth about it either. We were getting used to it and I figured this wouldn’t be the time to cause any trouble. I looked around at the pale green walls with framed prints of gardens and flowers while silently praying I wouldn’t throw up during the appointment. Finally, a nurse opened the door and called me back. They took my height and weight as well as blood pressure and temperature. They measured the length and width of my growing belly and asked me all sorts of questions about how I was feeling so far. I smiled dutifully and did my best to go through the motions but I just wanted what I came for: the gender of my child. After that, I’d be able to sit still long enough to answer questions.

 

Finally the doctor came in, preformed an exam, asked me more questions, and wrapped up by asking if I had any.

“Um, yes, actually, I do. Can I know the gender of my baby now?”

The old man with white hair chuckled as he helped me sit up.

“The ultrasound room is all ready for you, dear. I just enjoy making mums wait just a little bit longer.”

I hopped off the table before he could finish the sentence.

“Let’s go, Doc.” I said matter of factly.

He chuckled once more and turned towards Ben.

“Your wife’s an enthusiastic thing, isn’t she?”

“You have no idea,” he replied.

“I heard that,” I yelled from halfway down the hall.

 

I got situated on yet another examination table and lifted my shirt to speed the process along. The technician squirted a lukewarm gel on my belly as she fiddled with the machine. She began moving it around, trying to get a good, clear picture.

 

These next few moments were more tense than anything I had experienced in my entire four months of pregnancy.

“Ah,” she exclaimed. “Found the little one! You want to know the sex, correct?”

“Yes,” we said in unison.

 

“Alright then, let’s just get this…adjusted and…”

I’m sure my bottom lip was gone because I had been chewing on it for an hour.

“Mr. and Mrs. Cumberbatch, or should I say Mum and Dad, it looks like you’ll be welcoming a baby girl next March.

“Oh my god,” I gasped. Tears rolled down my cheek as I let it sink in. This was real. This was really happening. Holy. Shit.

I looked up to see Ben, wide eyed with tears falling down and a grin bigger than I’d ever seen. I knew deep down he wanted a girl and to be able to give that to him made my heart swell with joy.

The nurse beamed at both of us and I thanked her profusely.

“I didn’t do anything m’dear. I’m just the messenger!”

She wiped the gel off my stomach and helped me down.

We got to the car and broke into a fit of giggles.

“We’re going to have a girl,” he whispered. “What am I going to do about dresses and tea parties and baby dolls and crushes and dating?”

I held my hand up to stop him.

“Let’s get through delivery first, okay? And I think you and I both know that you’re never letting her leave the house, let alone date.”

“Eh, probably true,” he mumbled. He pulled out of the parking lot as I dialed my mum.

She picked up on the second ring.

“Ello?”

“Hi, Mum…”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! This is the very last chapter of An Angel Among Us. Thank you so much for choosing to read my little story and taking time out to leave comments and kudos. Thank you for the support as I struggled to find my way back into the story after taking such a long break. I hope you enjoy.

February 2013

 

I was two weeks away from my due date and I felt as if I couldn’t possibly get any bigger. Or uncomfortable. But I’d wake up the next day feeling a bit more stretched out and a new body part aching. My feet were swollen constantly and I’d have to pee again as soon as I got off the loo.

 

I was over being pregnant.

 

Ben, however, was basking in the glory of impending fatherhood. He massaged my feet for me on a nightly basis and fetched me anything my heart desired. I’d never seen anyone more excited over anything than he was waiting for our baby girl to arrive.

 

Our baby girl.

 

What a statement. I can’t believe I get to actually say those words.

 

I was reaching the point in my pregnancy where I had a weekly doctors appointment to see if I was dilating or anything remotely related to going into full on labor. Anytime I called my parents or Ben’s they automatically assumed I was in labor and they would begin panicking.

 

We were leaving the doctor’s office feeling anxious and impatient. The doctor told us there were no signs of dilating so I had nothing to worry about right now. I felt slightly disappointed. I was ready for her to come out. I wanted to meet her. Hold her. I wanted to get to know my daughter. I texted my mum and dad to let them know that Baby Cumberbatch wasn’t coming down the shute anytime soon.

 

Benedict was pulling out of the parking space as he asked me if I were hungry.

 

“Absolutely ravenous,” I replied. I felt like I hadn’t eaten in days. It wasn’t true of course. I ate all the time. We stopped for Chinese before heading home to a night of old movies and foot massages.

 

A couple of hours later my feet were propped in Ben’s lap as I watched Marlon Brando kiss Vivien Leigh when I suddenly felt a pain in my lower abdomen that felt almost like an intense period cramp. I tried to ignore it but it returned a few minutes later. Suddenly the pain got more intense and I had to bend over to catch my breath.

 

Concern rapidly spread across Ben’s face.

“What is it? Are you okay? Is it the baby?”

“I dunno. Hand me my phone please.”

He obliged and I quickly searched for my mum’s number before the next pain took my breath away.

 

Mum answered on the third ring.

“Sadie? What is it, love? Your father and I are in the middle of-”

“What do labor pains feel like?”

“What?”

“Contractions. What do they feel like?”

“Well for me it felt like a really bad period cramp.”

“Son of a bitch.”

“Is everything okay?” she inquired.

“I’m in labor.”

“WHAT? NOW?!”

“Pretty fucking su-”

Another pain hit and all I could do was close my eyes and pray for it to be over soon.

“We’ll meet you at the hospital. Just remember to breath, Sadie.”

I hung up and looked at Ben. His face was white and he wasn’t really moving.

“Oh come on, we don’t have time. Let’s get moving,Daddy!”

He returned to reality and flew up the stairs to get our bags. I was by the door that led into the garage when another contraction hit.

“Christ almighty,” I hissed.

“Alright, let’s get you to the hospital, angel.”

 

Twenty painfully long minutes later we were pulling up to the maternity entrance. Ben raced around to open the door for me and help me get out. We got checked and placed in a private room. I changed into the hospital gown, keeling over in the process due to another breath taking contraction. I finally got settled in bed and they hooked me up to monitors and took a blood sample.

 

“The doctor will be with you shortly,” the nurse said quietly.

Ben thanked her and I noticed she looked a little too long at him as I saw the recognition across her face but she didn’t say anything else.

 

The doctor finally came in 30 minutes later to examine me. I wasn’t very far along and I cried out in frustration.

“It’s going to be okay, love. We can’t rush these things. She’ll come out when she’s ready.”

“If you’re not about to push a human being through a hole the size of a bagel, then I don’t want to hear it,” I snapped.

He sat back down quietly and didn’t say anything until both of our parents arrived.

 

Three hours later I was finally dilated enough to get an epidural. After that, I felt wonderful. Positively dreamy. I wanted that stuff sent home with me in a doggy bag. It was around 2 am when Ben finally dozed off and our parents had long since disappeared into the waiting room. I sat there in silence thinking about just how much my world was about to change. I was about to be responsible for another human being. It was up to me to nurture her and keep her alive. Who the hell deemed me responsible enough to do all of that?

I must’ve gotten lost in my thoughts and fallen asleep because I was woken up about an hour later when the doctor came in to check on me. After yet another examination, he told me it wouldn’t be long, that I was almost ready to push.

 

My heart dropped into my stomach. Holy shit. This was really happening. I was about to become someone’s mother. My eyes welled up with tears and Ben leaned down to kiss my forehead.

 

“Shh, it’s going to be okay, Angel. I know it’s scary. I’m scared too. But if anyone can do this, you can. Think about all that you’ve been through.”

 

My mind flashed back to Henry and that disaster of a relationship. I was suddenly proud of myself for having the strength to walk away from a shitty relationship that was going nowhere because I knew I deserved better.

 

Then my mind wandered off to Leo. Last I heard, he was still in prison. He wouldn’t be out for another two years and I already had the restraining order ready to go. I was slightly disappointed in myself for not seeing the signs before things got serious or for not getting out sooner. I almost died because of that man but I lived because of the man sitting beside me.

 

We had come a long way, me and Ben, and it wasn’t always perfect but it was worth fighting for. He made me happier than I had ever imagined myself being. He’d given me everything I’d ever wanted and so much more and I was so grateful for this curly haired, blue-green eyed man holding my hand. Our lives were about to change in a matter of hours but with him, it seemed a little less scary.

 

A couple of hours had passed when I began to feel pressure down there and I knew it was time. I pressed the button for a nurse and when she rushed in, I explained that it felt like it was time to push. A doctor came in moments later and confirmed that it was indeed game time.

 

56 excruciatingly long and painful minutes later, I gave birth to our little girl. Our very own angel. Piper Allison Cumberbatch. She was beautiful and tiny and all ours. Ben’s eyes filled with tears as he held his daughter for the first time. My eyes welled up at the sight of the man I love holding the very thing he’s wanted his entire life.

 

Our parents came and went and tears were shed between all of us. It was around 7 am when everyone cleared out and Ben and I finally got some real sleep. Later that afternoon, we had visitor after visitor. JJ Abrams sent over a Star Trek onesie. Martin and Amanda brought flowers and a teddy bear and promised to bring the kids to see Piper once we were home. Tom sent flowers as well along with a huge balloon and the sweetest note I’d ever read. Mark and Ian came by and fell just as in love with the baby as we had. We had never felt more loved and we were so grateful to be surrounded by so many people as we welcomed the cutest baby I had ever seen.

 

We were sent home the next day to our surprise and slight panic. I wasn’t ready to leave the hospital. I wasn’t ready to be left alone with this tiny person. What if she started crying and I couldn’t get her to stop? How would I know what to do?

I took a shower for the first time in three days and dressed my very sore body while Ben got Piper dressed. Before we knew it, I had the release papers in one hand and the car seat in the other. She slept the entire car ride home. All I could do was stare at her, in complete awe of what Ben and I had done. She was absolutely perfect.

 

We pulled into the garage 30 minutes later and my heart started to race a little. We were home. And completely on our own with this kid. How does anyone know how to be a parent? There really were no manuals, no rule books, nothing. I was beginning to figure out that parenting was all about winging it.

 

Ben brought her inside and sat her carseat on the living room floor.

 

He cleared his throat.

“Uh, what do we do with her? Do we bathe her? Change her nappy?”

I looked over and smiled at my husband.

“How about just holding her for now? Let’s welcome her home.”

He smiled back at me even brighter.

“I like the way you think, Moffat.”

I gigged as I bent down to unbuckle her car seat. I pulled her out cradled her to my chest. She fit perfectly. Like the puzzle piece I didn’t know I was missing. The two of us sprawled out on the L shaped couch and took our very first nap together as a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I may be done with this story, I'm considering continuing on with one-shots and drabbles. Let me know if you'd be interested in it. I'm thinking it could be mostly submission based where YOU GUYS submit things you'd like for me to write into the story. I'll include my own ideas as well but if you have anything you'd like to submit, don't hesitate to send it to me through tumblr: http://moffat-is-evil.tumblr.com/
> 
> OR
> 
> Leave a comment here.
> 
> I'm looking forward to hearing from you guys :-)


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